i guess it's over? :(

[confused9]

i met my ex to give him back something that he'd left at my place. we had dated for a year and a half...granted, not super seriously. he or i was always out of town. but it was a good year and a half. and i care a LOT about him. i had a break down a few weeks ago. i couldn't take it anymore. i'd go weeks without hearing from him, and then he'd be here and i'd hear from him all the time. and i liked him

 

now i knew things were weird. but i made sure to date other people...just in case, i guess to keep myself from getting too close. but it's so hard.

 

so i'm sitting here at a coffee shop. i have finals, he's traveling tomorrow. and he comes to meet me. he looked like he wanted to have a seat. but then i just handed him his bag. and he looked kind of hurt and up at me. and said he had to go get some pain meds for his aching shoulder. and ran out the door. and i'm sad. i wanted him to stay. but what could we have really talked about at a crowded coffee shop?

 

i guess i really have been wanting to talk. but i felt hurt b/c part of me felt like all he wanted was his stuff back. not to talk to me. and i have things to say, but don't know if this is the right place to say them. should i just email them?

 

but i feel like he broke a little piece of my heart. i feel like he strung me along for a long time. when i broke down a few weeks ago he basically had said he doesn't have the time for a real relationship. and i know it's true. he said he could see us being serious and maybe getting married if we were to continue to date. or at this point in his life he would just meet someone and get married right away.

how was i supposed to take that? it hurt. but i think i love the idiot. and i'm so tempted to text him or something. i keep looking at the door to the coffee shop hoping he'll come back. but i'm not stupid. he's not

 

[auburnslp]

sounds like neither of you gave it a chance to evolve...it's hard to shut the door on something when the door was never completely opened-sounds like you two could sit down and talk and possibly decide to commit, and try from there...otherwise...there are always more fish in the sea...

[noidea1213]

So he said he could see you guys getting married? I think the guy still likes you...no one mentions marriage unless something big is there. Then again, he said he didn't have time for a real relationship...sounds like an excuse. It's so hard to let go of someone you truly like, but it kinda sounds like he's not too sure and didn't care enough. Maybe he really is busy, maybe he's just not ready for a serious relationship, or maybe he just doesn't like you enough (which is hard to admit to urself and probably not true if he mentioned marriage). In all honesty, though, it really doesn't matter the reason...things very rarely go from bad to good, and if he's just not giving the love and security you want, then maybe it's time to find someone that will instead of chasing someone who's just unavailable..I think that hurts more than just letting the person go.

[HappyAsALark]

I am sorry you feel this way, but if you were looking for the settle down type, maybe he isn't the one right now. You never know, your paths may cross at a later time when he is more ready, hopefully prince charming won't have swept you up by then though for his sake!

[JadedStar]

I am not sure either of you were really ready. YOu said "now i knew things were weird. but i made sure to date other people...just in case

 

yeah that is pretty weird too. Most people if they are really in love even if it isn't going well don't date other people. I mean if the relationship is not going the way you like you don't just date other people "just in case". what a warning sign that was.

 

And even tho he said he cuold see you getting married one day, reality is he said right now he doesn't have time for a real relationship. A man really into a woman will make time.

 

I just don't think either of you were meant to be or ready for a relationship at this point.

 

It hurts but this all sounds like the best thing for you both.

[confused9]

thanks guys!

 

do you think it's a bad idea to write him an email? or ask him to sit and talk again? should i just call him. i just want things out in the open.

 

i guess i dated other people b/c i'm too scared to get hurt. and if i date other people, i wont' have let myself be too involved with one person. but anytime i would date others, it would come back to me thinking about him.

 

and i was very cautious physically. for the most part, he's the only one i've really been physical with. and he waited about 8 months for us to have sex (granted he was away for most of it, but still....). i know when we first started dating we were both dating other people. but he has said that since then, he's only been seeing me. i know, he could be lying. but I believe him.

 

he knows that i've dated other people . we talked about how he just disappears when he leaves town, and he's not gone for a few days, we're talking a weeks to multiple months. but i don't find myself missing the others the way i miss him.

 

do i need to call him and just tell him what's on my mind?

[auburnslp]

I don't think there is anything at all wrong with you calling and speaking your mind at this point-seems like things are a bit in flux...so no harm...I would avoid emails or letters...it is ALWAYS better face to face, or at least, on the phone...trust me on that one

[confused9]

thank you!

i called. he didn't pick up. he's leaving toady for a while. so he probably just blew me off. he gets to up adn leave and have a temporary new life while traveling.

i'm stuck in my life (that regardless, is awesome.) but i don't get the distraction of newness that he always seems to get.

 

so i catch myself thinking about him or us. or what's wrong with me? ugh.

 

i'm pretty stubborn. i won't call again for a while.

 

but i miss that idiot's face.