Help!! They are driving me crazy!!

[EEK]

I just don't know what to do anymore. My parents have always tried to control every aspect of my life. When I was 22 I moved away from home because my mom expected me to quit my job, go on welfare and watch my little brothers for her. When I was 24 my now ex husband and I sat down with her and had a huge talk with her because she just wouldn't stop the controlling behaviour and telling me how to run my life. I am now 27 years old.

 

That worked up until 9 months ago. My husband and I separated because he was abusing me. OUr son was only 4 months old at the time and I was forced to live with my parents for 6 months until I could get things straightened out financially to live on my own. While I lived with my parents I was on maternity leave so I watched my brothers in exhange for roon and board. But since I got my own place and went back to work, my mom has been giving me a real hard time. I was having problems setting up daycare and my mom said to me not to worry, that her and my dad would help me out til day care got going.

 

Well It was the first week of work and we had a disagreement. She immediately said she no longer would watch my son for me. So I got a friend to watch him the next day. The day after that I took him over to my parents house and they were soooo mad at me because I did not bring him over for them to watch him. After that day they watched him again while I desperately tried to find a day care provider that could take infants.

 

On sunday this week my mom at the last second said that neither her nor my dad could watch my son that week. I was upset because it was announced at the last second and it was 7 pm at night. I was expected to find someone for 7am the next morning. I told my mom that it was not fair to dump on me at the last second. She claimed that she told me, but if she did I would have found someone to watch him for those days no problem. Well she got mad at me again and said she would no longer watch my son again. Infact she left a really nasty message on my voice mail before I got home that night.

 

I will have day care up and going by friday but she keeps leaving messages on my phone (7 in a night) to call her asap, uses my dad's cell phone to call me, and keeps e-mailing me to call her. Tonight they invited themselves up to my apartment to try to get me to talk to them. I did not answer the door. I need my space and my time away from them. This is too much for me. Am I wrong for wanting my space and to not play this game. I feel like they are using my son to control me. I am not expecting my parents to watch my son for me I just don't want them to use it as a way to control me. HELP!!

[Daligal83]

I would sit down with them and have a talk. Set some ground rules for your relationship with them and state that only if these rules are followed, on both sides, will you have a relationship. Just make sure to stick with it. They might threaten to stay out of your life, because it sounds like they go for the dramatics. But it also sounds like they have no plans of actually staying out of your life. I really think that if you set ground rules and stick to them, they'll eventually learn to follow them.

 

Just as an example...my half-brother has got A LOT of issues. I don't really have a relationship with him, but him and my sister sort of do. Unfortunately, in the past he would say bad things about my mother (his stepmother) and myself. My sister had enough and told him that if he wanted a relationship with her, he could no longer say those thing. If he tried, she would stop him and say she didn't want to talk anymore. Eventually he learned.

[Jeffrey2095]

Hi EEK, and welcome to ENA,

 

It does sound as though both your parents are too controlling, I agree.

 

First I guess they used your child as leverage, now they are hounding you.

 

Um, what do they ask of you, that you move back in? Or do you know?

 

Jeff

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I agree. Set the boundaries...they will kick up a fuss and make your life a misery in order to try to get you to back down on the boundaries...but just stay firm. Eventually they will realize that they can't push you around on this isse so they will stop....but I am sure there will be another game...with controlling people if it is not one thing, it is something else.