is my life/relationship going anywhere??

[nikkers04]

Ok so I recently graduated from college and got a job in my field. Well yeah those are great accomplishments but I feel my life is going NOWHERE! I want to buy a house get married have a family. I applied for a house loan well yeah I got approved i have PERFECT credit and to buy a house here for as much as they aproved me for I may as well by a shack. Thats going to support a family GRRR!

 

My bf and I Have been dating for almost 6 months things at first were perfect. He wanted to move in because he dislikes his living situation. It would be more convenient its annoying not knowing if i'm going to be staying the night at his house or mine or when to take clothes and make up ect to his place. during the time we have been dating we have staying the night seperatly a total of MAYBE 10 nights so we practically live together as it is in 2 different places like we have 2 homes. Anyway at first he wanted to move in get married have a baby ect. which i said we needed to take things slow. Now I"m ready to move to the next level and he tells me he doesn't want to get married yet which i'm ok with no need to rush anything...then he says he doesn't want to move in only wants to have a baby with me HAHA right. I'm not having a baby with out having a commitment. so he now tells me that he doesn't want me to say a word to him about moving for 6 months so there goes my dreams of having a home

 

I feel like my life is going...well nowhere.

[annie24]

hi - congrats on the degree and getting a job. it sounds really positive, am not sure why you think your life is going nowhere. you sound like you are doing well.

 

First off, i don't think 6 months of time is very long to be dating. do you really love and want to be with him forever and ever and ever, or do you view buying a home, getting married, and having a family as a sort of "checklist" that you want to tick off? I don't think that having or not having those things doesn't mean your life is going anywhere. i think you're better off taking some time, enjoy the relationship, and if you guys really feel like this is the relationship you want to be in the rest of your life, then get married.

 

in the meantime, i would save money (as in 20% downpayment) for a home you may want to buy in the future. unless you have that kind of cash right now. build up your retirement fund. pay off student loans. and have fun in your relationship. i think 6 months is too early for such a life-changing decision.

 

You can have a home minus a guy. I bought my own place, i am single. you shouldn't wait to get married for your 'life to start.' do what you want.

[Caldus]

Why is everyone in such a rush to get married and have a family these days? I couldn't even dream of such things at our age. I don't think I will ever get married until my 30's or 40's if ever. And I certainly won't be having children. Not that I hate them, but I guess I am just selfish and want to have all the free time in the world to explore the world and have fun in life. I don't mean to intrude your post. Just had to say some of that out loud I guess.

[nikkers04]

I know i could have a house without him but I need a stable roommate something that I can't find. I want to be married for a while before I have kids. the guy I'm dating is 8 years older than me and wants a baby...NOW and I want to have a stable relationship before that so I'd like to start the beginning stages of a healthy future. I'd like to at least know there is a future I really dont mind waiting until we are financially stable...but i dont get the point of dating if he at least doesnt see it going anywhere...I need to be dating someone who does....if that makes sense

[annie24]

I think it's fine to want to know if the person you are dating wants in theory, to get married and kids one day. in general, if not with you.

 

I would find a rooommate, or get a small studio and just save up all the money you can. I think 6 months is still a pretty short amount of time to be dating, but if you are dating him for a while, and you don't think the relationship is going anywhere, then break up with him and find someone else. or, you may consider scaling back your relationship with him while you go out and find others to date. I agree with you, don't have the baby with him unless you two have decided to be committed to one another for the rest of your lives. I wouldn't bring a baby into an unstable situation.

[alcide]

That guy is some how on a different level. He might have his head somewhere else and planning to get you pregnant so you can always remain his. Be careful.