Not Sure What's Normal

[thinkorswim]

I've been out of the dating game for a long time. I'm using one of the internet personal sites and I'm so confused! I don't know the rules! In my experience, if a man was interested, he'd make an effort to email, chat, call, and within a normal time, we'd make plans to meet.

I don't expect to be in constant touch, but maybe a quick note or something every few days. Once a week.

 

This has been my experience with a number of people-I don't know if I'm too hyper-sensitive or what.

I call a man--he asked me to--he says "I'm busy call me later"-- I'm never sure if that's a blow off or what? I called again the next day, same thing. I totally get that people are busy and if the boss is standing there, you really can't talk. But am I being a fool for not realizing it was a blow off??

 

We exchange details and chat on IM for a a while. I say HI and about 1/2 the time they say "I'm busy." Does that mean leave me alone, or does that mean talk to you later? Is that a blow off? When I wait and see if he chats me, I see him online but 1/2 the time he doesn't say hi. Is that a hint?

 

We've been chatting and flirting for a while and half the time he says he's too tired to talk and I later see him logged on to the personals site.

 

Is this how it works? People just casually, randomly talk, then get too "busy" to talk more?

 

Am I way out of line expecting someone to reply to short email? I'm not expecting a long letter, just a quick line to keep in touch.

Am I wrong to expect someone to respond to a photo I send, at their request? (just to say "Hey got the photo- thanks!" or something).

Am I wrong to expect people to respond at all?

 

I started this dating thing feeling optimistic, confident, responsive, a little flirty and open. Now I'm feeling very rejected, ignored, depressed and even defensive. I don't know if I'm either way off base, expecting too much, or if I just haven't met anyone all that interested in me.

Help

[ghost69]

look, they are at work. i do see where he is telling you to call him though. almost like he doesn't want to call you when he has free time. it can go either way here. especially so early on.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Hi - yes these things are normal with online dating. I'm not sure what the intent behind the blow-offs are, but they obviously can't talk right now. That is the lone fact you can take away from that.

 

When I was doing online dating, if someone told me they were busy right now or what have you, I would just then leave the ball in their court. If they called/emailed/IM'd me back, great, but if not, such is life. People are much more casual about this stuff these days; you have to decide if you can accept that kind of casualness in your potential mate.

 

Also, dating is a lot like sales. You are sifting through the prospects, then you keep qualifying the prospects until an order plops out at the bottom. Have fun with it. Don't get discouraged, these things you are experiencing aren't about you, don't read too much into them.

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone!

 

I don't like IMing, and I especially never IM with people on dating sites. when i did online dating I:

 

1) let the guy contact me.

2) we'd exchange a few e-mails, general conversation.

3) he'd ask me out on a date and ask for my number

4) he'd call to set up a time.

 

If a guy took longer than 4-6 emails to ask me out, i simply moved on. People who are serious about dating take it into real life ASAP. i have enough penpals on ENA, don't need more. If a guy asked for my MSN account, i simply told him i didn't have one. If a guy was strangely insistent that I call him, but wouldn't call me, i'd just forget him. too weird, don't have time for it.

 

what i hate about IMing is that you are "barging" into someone's day, not unlike showing up at someone's office wanting to chat. it's fine if people knock on my door, wanting to chit-chat. sometimes i am free, sometimes i am not. but i don't like a man i've never met having that sort of access - it's mainly limited to good friends. see what i mean?