How long after you broke up did you fully feel over your ex?

[juliarussell]

Sorry, I know there are a lot of similar posts, but I'm curious.

 

For those of you who have seen my other post about my ex and best friend, please note this is NOT the same ex.

 

The ex to end all ex's (we'll call him "brad"), and I dated for four years, lived together for three, then split, and got back together. The first time he was having a relationship with someone else, then I started to as well. We ended, tried to save things but it didn't work. Over six months later, we tried to make it work again for another month, but it didn't work.

 

The strange thing is, I still think about him all the time and compare him to every other man. I'm pretty sure he does the same.

 

I thought about dropping by his work (he's a chef, and I loved some of the desserts he makes), to pick up a cake for my friend's birthday, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not.

 

It just seems like I've been getting over him for over a year now, and I'm wondering how long this will go on?

 

He wasn't my first intimate relationship or anything, but we moved accross the country together, almost got married several times, etc.

 

Any advice would be helpful.

 

Thanks

[amtjrtcet]

Well when I left my ex I knew I was over him. Truth, I think about him all the time. I miss the friendship that we shared for 6 yrs. I miss having fun with him and I miss his family. I pray for him everyday......But I know I'm over him b/c when I think about being sexual with him it makes me cringe.

[arwen]

I knew I was over my first long term relationship when I met the ex by accident. We had coffee, talked some, I soon noticed I changed a lot and he didn't change at all. I moved on and he was no longer someone I'd want to be with. All in all... it took me 2 years to get at that point. The relationship was my first, we were together for about 4 years but on and off.

 

Arwen

[Gratsy]

Some people have said that it takes half the time you were with that person to get over them. I don't know if thats true. I've dated a guy for a year and gotten over him in three weeks. I've dated a guy for two months and it took a year to get over him. It took five months to get over a guy I never dated but new on and off for a year.

In text it sounds like you and and your guy are meant to be. But I'm also without a lot of details.

[hopefulromantic79]

It's been 6 months for me and I'm no way NEAR over it. It was a 2 year relationship and I thought we'd get married...and I'm at "that age", so it's taking me a while to process through everything.

 

Also, I wasn't too stable (career & emotion wise) before I got into the relationship, so I'm dealing with a lot of stuff at once. I think the more stable/secure you are before you get into a relationship, the less time it takes to recover when it's over...at least that's been my experience. Oh, and if there's cheating involved or if the break up was ugly, that also adds to the amount of healing the dumpee is faced with.

[Aurian]

In a way, its harder to get over someone if the break up wasn`t ugly. My marriage's breakup was about as ugly as it got, and I got over my ex rather quickly. I didn`t have any real doubts that this was not the person who I should be with given his awful behaviour. If the breakup was due to simple incompatibility and the people involved are otherwise great people, its harder to let go and not want to keep trying, no?

 

5 years, took about 6 months to get over him. Still have a few "scars" but I don`t miss the person he became and haven`t had contact with him since the day I filed for a divorce.

[itsjustisnt]

You never get over someone you loved you just love someone new

[EQD]

I just now got over my ex two days ago, and we have been broke up for a year.. it took a VERY dramatic and horrible event to convince me that i shouldnt be fantasizing about being with him anymore. and that there was nothing left of what was once a pretty decent relationship.

[beauty21]

It took me about a year to get over my ex. I knew I was over him, when after talking to him after about 10 months of being apart that he was still immature to be 26 years old.

[EmilyE]

I agree with itsjustisnt....I feel like you will never get over your ex until you find someone new to replace that void. Only then will you realize that there are so many better people out there.

 

I may be completely wrong, but right now thats how I feel.

[comfyshoes]

it's been a year

i'll let you know when i'm over her

[lizer]

its been 10 months since my first love (of 3 years) left

and he IS coming back, so i wont have to get over him.

hows that for faith.

[sallyusa]

i'm already over my ex even though its been 10 months we have had NC but till this day i will always despise him for everything. Am i the only one like this? When will this despise and hate will ever go away? I'm already healed just alot of anger in me towards him. Is this normal? And when will it go away?

[Gratsy]

i'm already over my ex even though its been 10 months we have had NC but till this day i will always despise him for everything. Am i the only one like this? When will this despise and hate will ever go away? I'm already healed just alot of anger in me towards him. Is this normal? And when will it go away?

 

Pretty normal. You'll be fine, eventually.

[Pontius]

It's been a few days over two years for me. We were together five months. I'm not even close to giving up these feelings.

[arwen]

i'm already over my ex even though its been 10 months we have had NC but till this day i will always despise him for everything. Am i the only one like this? When will this despise and hate will ever go away? I'm already healed just alot of anger in me towards him. Is this normal? And when will it go away?

 

I had a LOT of anger at one point to. For me, anger was the stage after the sadness. Whereas sadness drained all energy from me, anger gave me an edge, and I turned it into something positive. I went running, swimming, took up new hobbies- initially out anger. It prevented me from getting bitter.

 

Anger can go in two ways, it can either help you get over someone or turn you bitter. The latter should really be avoided- bitterness means that the ex still has power over your life. The first however means you take that power back.

[poloplayer]

It depends on the relationship, but generally, if it was meaningful and there was hurt in the end, it wasn't until I went through the common stages (denial, anger/resentment, etc.) and worked through the details of each one of these steps. After working through my hurt through each one of these steps, I then started to get over the relationship that I was clinging onto and I got over her. I was able to finally 'let go' and to finally be free.

 

Up until this point, I had demons in me, demons of hurt, anger, sadness, rage, despair, etc., and good demons too from our relationship which glorified her, all which I attributed to her in my mind, but regardless of what happened or what she did, I, and only I, was prolonging my misery by holding onto these demons and proclaiming that she is the reason why I think and feel this way. That only prolonged my pain, but she is no longer there; she isn't around anymore. The issues I had to work through were my own and I had to address them by myself at my own speed.

 

I've broken up and felt relief; I processed my hurts and worked through the steps before the relationship was officially over via 'the talk.' But I've also let go of a girl a little over 18 months after we officially broke up; with this one I really wanted it to work, so when it didn't work out, then I really built her up to be a goddess in my mind who was the one who got away (dated a lot of girls before meeting her), refused to let go of any hurt to really spite her (it was a really bad break up in the end, and my resentment for her kept her in my heart, but it only hurt me though), and I refused to allow another girl close to me eventhough I began to meet new people and go on casual dates (I used her as a source of pain for all women; I was in the 'I hate women' stage). I couldn't let go of her for so long because I refused to let go of my resentment for her. Once I did though, then I honestly didn't care about her. Hope she is happy and well wherever she is, but I have no interests or concerns about her or her life.

[thekid55]

My ex-girlfriend broke up with because I left for college. She is still in high school. This was about a month and a half ago. I know that she isn't over it. She still contacts me from time to time and we talk. I'm not over her. I'm interested to see what happens over winter break.

[Lovin_Life]

It has been about 9 months since my relationship of 6 years ended. I am not over him yet as I felt that we were going to spend our lives together, hard to let go of all the dreams. I will say that I am doing better each day and each month. The holidays have gotten me a little, but a new year is just around the corner!

 

I hope that it doesnt take half the time of the relationship like someone suggested, 3 years of this is not something I look forward to.

[lightn]

I agree with itsjustisnt....I feel like you will never get over your ex until you find someone new to replace that void. Only then will you realize that there are so many better people out there.

 

I may be completely wrong, but right now thats how I feel.

 

 

I agree with your statement. It has been 2.5 years and she is the one who broke up with me because she has issues. She is the one who showed up at my job, and was gettiing over her until then. Now I have to start all over,. or find someone replace her.