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Why don't I want to date anyone else after 2 months?


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My boyfriend and I were living together for 3 years up until 2 months ago when we broke up. We were going out for about 5 years in total.

 

At the time, near the end, I grew unhappy, and so did he. It broke my heart to see it unfolding before my eyes and I was powerless to prevent the inevitable. I loved this guy more than anything in the world and it had made me so unhappy to see him unhappy. I let it go without much of a fight because he said he was already feeling guilty about being unhappy and having broken up with me. No sense in asking him to come back when he doesn't want to be there.

 

When it ended, I was devastated. I cried for the first 3 weeks straight. We just moved everything out of our old place this weekend and we parted ways.

 

2 months have passed since the break up and everyone tells me that I should start dating again. This other guy I've met since then keeps trying to hang out with me and I'm finding I'm doing everything I can to avoid him (I thought he was cute at first but I'm just not interested). I feel I don't want to date ANYONE at all, not even my ex-bf. I see no dude I want and if I start talking to a dude, I don't want anything more than a platonic friendship, at most. I mean, I see other people around me and they start dating after a few weeks. Before this relationship, I felt the same way. Everytime I've split up with someone, I started dating again after a month and all would be ok. What's wrong with me? Why am I like this? Is this normal? All I want to do is sleep and work but I can't focus on anything. I don't miss sex at all. I miss the closeness and the emotional bond. I don't want to be around any friends. I don't want to be around family. I'm really irritated being around people I know. I try to force myself out each day just so I don't throw myself into depression. Why don't I want to date anyone? Why don't I want to be around anyone? It'd be so much easier if I just wanted a rebound guy but this is the first time I don't. Any explanations/advice as to why I see this differently would be appreciated? Maybe the answer's really simple but I'm smack in the middle of it and I don't understand. What's wrong with me???

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A better question for you would be why do you think you should want to date right now?

 

My fiancee just broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I decided from the start that I was going to take time to be me and be happy before I start even thinking about dating again. She was wonderful and we broke up for similar reasons. We just weren't happy enough. But making me happy wasn't her job nor is your boyfriend's happiness your job. You're only responsible for your own happiness. Until you're able to find ways to make yourself happy and until you're ready to date again, don't push it.

 

You'll know when you're ready. Your friends see you in pain and want you to be happy again. They think finding another boyfriend is the key. But that isn't the key. You being happy being you is the key and only you know when that will happen. You probably don't want to be around people because you feel they don't understand. I do understand that, it hasn't been until this week that I've been able to be around friends.

 

You aren't weird for not wanting to date yet and you'd probably end up with a broken heart again if you did already.

 

Hang in there!

 

HTH

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Everything you are feeling is quite normal.

At first, you are numb, then incredibly sad, then angry then in a state of sorrow. These stages may be played in reverse but if you get stuck in one stage for too long, then it's a problem.

 

You are grieving for the hope of what could have been. You are obviously not ready to take on a new relationship and anyone who you started up with now would only be a rebound fix for a short time.

 

You need to get back to you 100%. Time for some self-examination too. Where you erred.....where he erred and most importantly, making yourself a priority in everyway!

 

Only when you are whole and can accept yourself as a single person, should you move on to a new relationship because you will be in that place of positive energy and better judgement.

 

It is good to talk things out. Even keep a journal or join a group or talk to close friends. I'm doing that now and it really helps.

 

I've been told it does get better but you have to let your time of grief play itself out.

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I'm at the same exact point as you. I get a date lined up for a saturday night, but never hear from her... and in a way, I'm glad because I just have no interest in dating.

I do so much want someone to hold and to love, but it's like I don't really feel like starting all over again just to get to the same point I just was. In a way, I feel like I've been knocked out of a tree and I got up, brushed myself off, healed my wounds, but really don't want to climb back up that tree. So I just sit on the ground and pout because I want so bad to be up there again, but I just don't have the strength to climb it all over again.

 

I could probably have 3 or 4 people I could date right now, but I just have no interest in pretending I want to get to know them.

I came out of a 4 yr. relationship that ended with her cheating on me, so it bugs me even more that she is living with some guy she is in love with while I am sitting at home by myself watching the days pass before me.

My weekends are the worst because I spend them completely alone. I'm lucky to even talk to someone for than a minute.

I wonder to myself if I am becoming a crotchety old man who will soon end up hating life. I am afraid that my heart will be closed for so long that I will end up turning away people who want to come into my life. God help me if I become that.

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