Ever Had a Sexual Relationship Outside of Your Race?

[Cannon]

I was debating whether or not to put this in the Dating section...but wanted to add the sexual part to it.

 

I don't think interracial relationships are taboo anymore. Actually, I'm 20...so I've never experienced it BEING taboo in the first place. I've read that the rate has gone up a lot.

[jengh]

Yes, I've slept with a black guy and a couple middle eastern guys....i didn't even really think about the race issue

[musicguy]

I've never had sex with someone outside of my race, but every woman has the same kinda parts, so race wouldn't matter to me at all

[Jayar]

Sex aside, often the issue with interracial relationships are a conflict of values/beliefs, not the actual physical "sex parts" of each person. If you're PURELY talking sex, I'm not sure what difference race is supposed to have.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Upto now I have always only had sexual partners outside my race lol. I love the idea of it. (Not that I have had that many sexual partners though) but there is something exotic about it. The bonding of 2 people from diffrent races..

[Poe]

Hold your stones... but I have to be honest. Alot of white guys I know will drop a girl if he catches wind that she has been with a black guy. Even if they are 6 months into a relationship.

 

Not saying it's right, but by me its a very popular sentiment among white guys.

[jengh]

^^^That was true of my ex, Poe...he never knew I slept with a black guy... it really bothered me that it bothered him so much.

 

On a different note, I also find it very exotic...the two different skin tones together...something about it...

[Dako]

^ That's news to me, and I've been a white guy for a loooooonnnnng time. Wouldn't be an issue with me.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Hold your stones... but I have to be honest. Alot of white guys I know will drop a girl if he catches wind that she has been with a black guy. Even if they are 6 months into a relationship.

 

Not saying it's right, but by me its a very popular sentiment among white guys.

 

WHy? Racism? Or insecurities due to the stereotypes which are given to african american men? Or something else?

[Entomon]

Hold your stones... but I have to be honest. Alot of white guys I know will drop a girl if he catches wind that she has been with a black guy. Even if they are 6 months into a relationship.

 

Not saying it's right, but by me its a very popular sentiment among white guys.

 

Even in my culture, the men make known that if you go black, they don't want you to come back.

 

And you know what my response to that is?

 

Come back to what? To a twig when I got myself a tree trunk?

 

LoL

 

Really, I never consider a person's race when I'm dating them. We are after all one race and that's the human race. Love sees no color.

[jengh]

^ That's news to me, and I've been a white guy for a loooooonnnnng time. Wouldn't be an issue with me.

 

I'm not saying it's true of the majority...but this particular ex... He mentioned once how he thought it was "dirty"...it bugged the crap out of me...i wouldn't have been bothered if he'd slept with a black woman

[Poe]

It's usually seen as the most worst sign of being a s***. Thats why its so taboo. It tends to go along with the stereotype that all blacks are thugs, and if a white girl is with a black guy, she's just doing it for sex, and vice versa.

 

I've had this conversation before, and most guys would think the same thing and probably dump her for exactly the same reasons if say (for example) a boyfriend found out her girlfriends ex was a white guy thug.

 

So it's not so much a skin color thing as much as the stereotype that most black guys are thugs and most white guys are not. I will say this though, I would be displeased if I found a girl I was dating had dated a thug of ANY race/color. I think girls would be as equally displeased if she found out the last girl was something as equally distasteful...

[tiredofvampires]

Maybe it's where I live (where being Caucasian is being in the minority -- though blacks are a rather rare sight, too), but I am incredulous that people still think this way. That this still exists. It really sickens me, this black thug guy thing. I didn't realize this stigma is still out there to this extent (in terms of interracial romances, though I know racism still exists), and if any man I dated had a problem with my having had a black lover -- he'd be quickly on my black list.

 

I do see where you're coming from about being disturbed if a girl has been with a "thug" in general.

 

Does an intellectual-emotional thug count?

 

If so, I might be in trouble with the next guy if he finds out about my ex.

[afrodite79]

It think it still is taboo to an extent. I've had men tell me "I've never been with a black woman before." like that was some sort of compliment. I'm sorry but I'm not going to be some loser's chocolate fantasy or experiement. There are still people who will date someone out of their race but keep it on the DL. I do think that younger people are more comfortable with dating people of other races and making it less taboo. Every guy I've dated has been of another race. My father and stepmom have been together for 20 something years. Almost all of my friends have no problem at all dating men or women from another race.

 

To Poe:

I've heard of white men feeling that way before. I've also heard about white female porn stars who won't do scenes with black men because then they'll be seen as tainted and it might effect their careers. I really do think it's about race. I think it's those white men's fears of being compared sexually because of the myth of black mens sexual prowess/bigger genitals or their racist ideologies about black men being animalistic and below whites. To some white men being with a black man is probably the same as if that woman had had sex with an animal. Me and my dad were just talking about how you don't see as many black man/white woman IR couples on TV and movies. I heard that it's because movie producers don't want to alienate white male viewers.

[tiredofvampires]

If I had the opportunity to date a black man (which I haven't so far), I might be caught saying, "I've never dated a black man before." Good thing to know this might be offensive? In my mind, it would just be a point of fact. I know for me, I'd never think of it as a "chocolate fantasy or experiment", even though I TOTALLY get how that comes accross that way, and maybe for some idiots that's the case. I would never date for the novelty of it, but I must admit, at first I would probably be aware of this being a "new" experience (different culture, different kind of background, and yes, a different color of hand holding my hand, which for me would be aesthetically striking, in a good way.) After that, it would be like any other partner, and the "differentness" would melt away (just as it did when I was dating men who were Asian and Filipino).

[afrodite79]

When those guys said that, it was more about the sleazy way they said it. It was obvious that they were just out for sex. I'm just wary of men who seem to be overly concerned with my race in a fetishistic way. If someone is with you just becuse or mostly because of your race it sucks. I had an ex like that and it felt like I could be exchanged for any other black woman. I never felt special as a person. I felt like some sort of trophy. If a guy was just stating a fact that he'd never dated a black woman before and it was relevent to the conversation that would be fine.

[Honesty]

I still cannot grasp the concept in my mind.

 

How can anybody say they wouldn't date somebody because of their skin colour, in this day and age? I mean really. Somebody please give me a justified reason, if you know of any.

 

How one can feel they can possibly determine somebody's personality and attributes, and ultimately their compatibility with themself, from purely a skin colour is just completely deranged in my opinion.

 

I'm white. I've dated white. I've dated black..Latin, mixed.It means nothing to me.

 

I can only hope this will get better with time as the amount of mixed race babies being produced will mean future generations are a lot more open minded.

 

Ahh..rant over!

[MissyM]

I have had sex with a black guy, a spanish guy and a greek guy (not all at the same time!!!). The major difference for me was the black guy was VERY well endowed. I know it's an old stereotype etc, but I'm not kidding, it was just gigantic!

 

As for what has been said above, I know the majority of white men I know would be put off a girl if she had been with a black guy, I don't know why, but that's the attitude of most of the men round here. It's not justifyable and is a totally idiotic attitude, but I can't speak for them. I've never had a problem with inter-racial relationships. I know for a fact that my dad and my brother would be mortified if they knew I'd been with a black guy.

 

I've never told my partner I've been with a black guy, but we've never talked about my sexual history in any great detail, so I will never offer up those details voluntarily.

[tiredofvampires]

When those guys said that, it was more about the sleazy way they said it. It was obvious that they were just out for sex. I'm just wary of men who seem to be overly concerned with my race in a fetishistic way. If someone is with you just becuse or mostly because of your race it sucks. I had an ex like that and it felt like I could be exchanged for any other black woman. I never felt special as a person. I felt like some sort of trophy. If a guy was just stating a fact that he'd never dated a black woman before and it was relevent to the conversation that would be fine.

 

Thanks, and that does clarify. The sleeze factor -- yes, I can imagine how that would be pretty determining. And that would really suck, what you describe (with your ex) and that kind of exoticizing and fetishizing. Where I live, a ton of white guys are with Asian women I think for the same reason. It's an undercurrent, but there. There is a sense of their being these "China doll" trophies. But since there are so many Asians here as a demographic, it's pretty common to see interracial dating that is as sincere as anyone dating, so there is less of that aura around it nowadays. But I still see it and feel it a lot, so it's the same thing you're talking about, only the really lousy thing in your situation is there is more than just "fetishizing", it's doing so with a very ugly backstory behind it. Being objectified, no matter who you are, your color, your story, your status, to me is just as you said -- an abnegation of the individual.

 

Kind of funny that I have always *worried* that if I were to start dating a black man, my interest and curiosity might be misconstrued as something like what you're talking about. I do love and gravitate to a lot of things about black Afro/American culture (especially in the arts), and some of the great thinkers, and I feel there is not enough exposure to it here (out on an island in the Pacific). So the chance to be with someone who is of that background would be exciting to me, and I would hope that wouldn't come accross as bad in some way. Hmm. As though I were planning my dating future, lol.

[tiredofvampires]

I have had sex with a black guy, a spanish guy and a greek guy (not all at the same time!!!). The major difference for me was the black guy was VERY well endowed. I know it's an old stereotype etc, but I'm not kidding, it was just gigantic!

 

I am wondering whether, if all ignorant stereotyping aside -- and racial-tainted overtones laid to rest -- is it possible that genital size might well be a genetic attribute like anything else? What I mean is that while variations of course exist, is it at all fair to say that some races TEND to have certain characteristics MORE OFTEN than others, with regard to certain parts of the anatomy? For instance, black people TEND to have more ample musculature in the gluteus maximus, and Asians TEND to be shorter in stature compared to other races. This doesn't mean you can't find quite a good number of blacks with a flat butt or a good number of Asians that are tall and lanky! But in GENERAL, there are some physical/genetic qualities that tend to be more prevalent from race to race, and I'm wondering if there is any truth to the claim that genital size is one of those things -- which then begets stereotypes, which then becomes socially distorted.

 

I have just taken a whole paragraph to wonder aloud if in fact there is truth to the "belief" that black men are physically more endowed in that aspect.

 

I just don't know who would be a good judge of that. I would imagine you'd have to either run research on it or sleep with truckloads of men from all corners of the earth to know. Unless someone here could enlighten me (and btw, I care nothing about genital size, myself. This is purely academic in nature, my questions.)

 

I hope none of this was offensive to anyone. :splat:

[princess_summer_blue84]

Yes I have dated outside my race. I've dated 2 black guys , 1 Mexican, 1 guy that is from Peru, 2 guys from Elsalvador, and now my most recent relationship my guy now is from Columbia !

 

P.S. Not all at the same time either.

[tiredofvampires]

Oh yes -- just for the record (in step with the above poster):

 

I've dated 2 Japanese men (one on the small size, one incredibly hung), and a Filipino man (average size), and my most recent ex, while American, was half Cuban and half Okinawan (he was quite ample, too.) Which all suited me just fine, but I prefer not so big. Just goes to show ya.

[MissyM]

Well, I'm not sure if it was to do with him being black OR whether it was because he was a great big guy anyway (he was about 6'4"). Either way, i have never before or since seen such a huge penis! Nor would I particularly want to, it was too big.

[parralax]

Im going to get philosophical and theoretical on all of you. Am of the opinion that race does not really exist - I mean, where do you draw the line? I saw a documentary on TV once (who says you can't learn anything from TV?) - where the point was made like this: If, 1000 years ago, you were to walk accross Africa, through the middle east to europe and then to scandinavia (as you could as there are no oceans in the way) - would you, on your journey, suddenly see that all the humans were a different race? Or would you just me seeing the contunium of humanity in all its glorious diversity, and be surprised that people in one place could be dark and the other places so pale?

 

People are way too hung up on the outsides of people - we put so much importance on a conventient system of separating people out into groups.

 

link removed

 

Just think about that!

[princess_summer_blue84]

I'm not raciest. I love everyone in all shades of skin. I even have black ppl in my family, some idian. That is only my opinion.