anyone ever feel like your heart pushes you to contact your ex?

[revitalized]

I have felt like I have come a long way since I broke up with my ex about a year and a half ago. However, I miss talking to her and my heart seems to push me..I guess I feel like it's a shame that after being close that we both chose to completely cut off communication. I thought I would throw my thoughts on here because I feel sad right now..

 

to be honest I think I have too much pride to contact my ex. I think that I shouldn't have a reason to contact her and my friends tell me it's a good thing that her and I aren't talking. but then on the other side of me feels the ache of not talking to her because I thought we were close with each other back in the day. The problem was that we were never really friends..we just kind of moved into things so fast so I guess I wouldn't know if we could become friends someday. I hope I can get some thoughts and opinions on this situation because I feel like it is eating away at me..

[need2bme]

My first question would be, have you given the fact that it is "eating away at you", any thought?

 

What I mean is, is it only friends you want to be?

 

To answer the question in your title; "oh, only every day". In my case it was pride at first that stopped me and then it was the thought of what good would it do, except kill my heart.

 

If you want to contact your ex AND if her not wanting anything to do with you, should it happen, will not affect you, then go ahead.

 

Actually, it already is affecting you, so maybe you should.

[-BK-]

My first question would be, have you given the fact that it is "eating away at you", any thought?

 

What I mean is, is it only friends you want to be?

 

To answer the question in your title; "oh, only every day". In my case it was pride at first that stopped me and then it was the thought of what good would it do, except kill my heart.

 

If you want to contact your ex AND if her not wanting anything to do with you, should it happen, will not affect you, then go ahead.

 

Actually, it already is affecting you, so maybe you should.

 

There are so many of us in your position on these boards, it's not even funny. I think about contacting my ex all the time, and many of the guys and girls on here have heard me talk about it. I'm at 1 month (today) of NC and I have her birthday, her surgery, Christmas, and New Years coming up. You think that's not hard to deal with? I'm not going to contact her because I truly feel that it's her duty to contact me if she feels that our relationship is worth even talking about. I don't think she ever will, truly.

 

need2bme is VERY correct. If you are on here and you say that your heart is pushing you to contact her... you are making the wrong move and setting yourself up for heartbreak again. Heal you must...

[coolchick]

Can i ask, are you single just now? sometimes we want to contact our ex because we miss the closenss...you dont want to open a can of worms incase your misinterpreting your feelings. If you genuinely just miss her friendship then defo go for it. She will prob be glad to hear from you. If she doesnt reply well you know you tried and have nothing to regret! Go for it! Make it cool and casual tho. Good luck! x

[revitalized]

Can i ask, are you single just now? sometimes we want to contact our ex because we miss the closenss...you dont want to open a can of worms incase your misinterpreting your feelings. If you genuinely just miss her friendship then defo go for it. She will prob be glad to hear from you. If she doesnt reply well you know you tried and have nothing to regret! Go for it! Make it cool and casual tho. Good luck! x

 

 

yes I have been single since..and on top of that I am REALLY sheltered..dont really go anywhere, cut off contact from old friends because they weren't good people, and I work though and the people there are really nice so it's always nice to be working at times. I just feel like I can never let go...like I will always have her as an "option" down the road when looking to get married one day..thats what my inner thoughts are and it took me forever to finally say it on these boards...

 

I keep thinking of her as an option and it's like I cant think of the fact that I may never speak to her again. Being sheltered and not interacting with people much doesn't help though..I think I need a social life and I need to make some positive and close friends. Just saying all of this is making me feel better..but I just dont know how to make new friends..Like I talk to people at work but I dont get on a personal level with them much..I am really happy to be working right now though to be honest...when I wasn't working I was sitting at home and just had too much time to think all the time and I would get depressed..but I dont really know how to approach all of this..

[need2bme]

and I have her birthday, her surgery, Christmas, and New Years coming up. You think that's not hard to deal with?

 

BK: Dude, I know I kidded you about this before, but are you totally SURE we WEREN'T dating the same girl. ;-) I know, there is no way bro', I took up all her time.

[SpeedingCars]

I know 100% what you are talking about. My ex and I stopped contact two and a half months ago and it's sooo unfortunate that two people who were once SO close and shared EVERYTHING can become strangers overnight. It feels like something's missing....

 

Lately I've been feeling this sudden urge to call him because I recently heard he's willing to talk to me and he actually misses me. It doesn't seem right to go about my day, trying to forget someone I loved. We aren't even on speaking terms but I don't think we can handle being "just friends" because we never actually WERE friends... we started liking each other right off the bat.

 

I wish I could help you but I don't have any advice.... but just know you're not alone.

 

I think with the holidays coming up (not to mention Valentine's Day in a good month or two...), our hearts are feeling even heavier and we'll be compelled to do things we know we shouldn't.

 

The only thing that's stopping me from picking up that phone and calling him is knowing that there's a big possibility we won't be back together again and I'd have to start the healing process ALL OVER again.

 

 

Before you do anything, just think it through rationally....

[Tshwane]

please do your heart a favour and don't contact her. Take the safer route.

[Zeter]

I think that the strict NC rule applies much more so in the months after the break, as opposed to a year and a half after. That said, there should be more flexibility in the rule once healing has taken place. But that begs the question; is one healed? Keeping in mind that NC is for the benefit of the person choosing to do it (dumpee especially), it takes honest self examination of where one's "head is at" after 18 months.

 

If revitalized can truthfully say to himself he is over her, what he learns won't really matter and just wants to satisfy curiosity, then okay. But I read between the lines that he is not over her, and he will set himself up for pain and setback.

 

Zeter

[love4life]

revitalized, I think a lot of it has to do with your loneliness. It's only in my moments of loneliness that I feel the urge to contact him. I fill up most of my free time with hanging out with friends and rehearsing for theatrical productions. I'd suggest you sign up for a couple classes that will be conducive to meeting new people.

 

I'm considering taking a bartending class and becoming a part-time bartender to meet new people (and make a little extra cash). How fun would that be!

 

I also need a new job that keeps my mind occupied! I have way too much time to think here!!

[beebee]

its so hard to decide what to do in these instances... call or not to call?...

 

i can only tell you my own experience... i called after months because, like you, i missed his friendship so much... it was one of the things that i cherished from him... i never had a friendship like i did with him... it was wonderful!...

 

i decided to call and it was as if we had just talked the day before... it was great!... he didnt mention his new g/f and we kept to just nice, funny subjects... i loved every minute of it... unfortunately, i started feeling that he would call me again and a friendship would ensue... it didnt... the drug was taken from me once more and i had to start over again... you see, someone had replaced me... i mean how many best friends can a person have?... he had no reason to talk to me anymore and also, he didnt really want to i guess... where i once was, she was there now...

 

the passion had gone and with it, the friendship...

 

i can only relay my experience... whatever it is you decide to do, i wish you well... maybe it will be better for you then it was for me... you never know do you?... please let us know what you decided to do...

 

hugs... beebee

[Sadman84]

Hey man, i totally totally know how you feel. You don't know how many times i've thought to my self "its such a shame" the exact words I use.

 

For two people to be so close, and tell eachother EVERYTHING. WHen you have a good day or a bad they'd be the person you'd call to NOTHING.

 

And i've had those days where i'll dream about her, or I'll see a movie, or i'll just miss the hell out of the girl and i'll want to just send her an email saying "hey hows it going? i'm doing great, hope you are too" cause i do care about her still, i do feel like part of the reason though is I still have feelings for her. And as long as i have feelings I can't start a friendship with her cause I'll just get hurt.

 

So long story short, meet somone else, let them rock your world, and then see if you still want to be friends with the girl who broke your heart.

[Sickboy48]

Sometimes it;s a very bad idea talking to your ex after a breakup. My ex was my best friend and she recently wanted us to be friends again. I replied to her email once and then one mroe time stating how i felt and i needed more time to heal. I thought she was sincere but it turned out she was reading my emails to her new bf and laughing at them together. Then after she asked for items she gave me as gifts back and her new bf even wrote me a threatening email.

So sometimes our ex's aren't worth it anymore and they either change or move on fast. Mine is immature and lets her new bf control her every move.

Sad.

[holden]

Sometimes it;s a very bad idea talking to your ex after a breakup. My ex was my best friend and she recently wanted us to be friends again. I replied to her email once and then one mroe time stating how i felt and i needed more time to heal. I thought she was sincere but it turned out she was reading my emails to her new bf and laughing at them together. Then after she asked for items she gave me as gifts back and her new bf even wrote me a threatening email.

So sometimes our ex's aren't worth it anymore and they either change or move on fast. Mine is immature and lets her new bf control her every move.

Sad.

 

Sry to hear Bro, thats just immature and cold....u deserve better, her loss...what goes around, comes around! Karma will be in full effect

[Sickboy48]

Sry to hear Bro, thats just immature and cold....u deserve better, her loss...what goes around, comes around! Karma will be in full effect

 

Thanks, I do and am going out with someone this weekend. Gonna be fun.

 

yes Karma will get them both.

[-BK-]

BK: Dude, I know I kidded you about this before, but are you totally SURE we WEREN'T dating the same girl. ;-) I know, there is no way bro', I took up all her time.

 

I'm sure it wasn't the same girl. Although, thinking of that makes me realize that she's probably off with some new guy right now -- that is killing me. Thanks need2bme... back into a slump.

[need2bme]

I'm sure it wasn't the same girl. Although, thinking of that makes me realize that she's probably off with some new guy right now -- that is killing me. Thanks need2bme... back into a slump.

 

Sorry dude. I don't mean this at your expense, but thanks for that. ;-)

[revitalized]

Well I basically allowed myself to be occupied with other things after I had the whole "its a shame we dont talk" thoughts in my head. I went to the gym that same day and listened to the music I love. It really helped me think about my own personal growth and potential. I generally enjoy work but I guess I need some interpersonal relationships like I mentioned earlier..I wanted to thank everyone that replied..

 

 

you guys have all helped me out a lot. What I personally want one day is to just have her as a contact on msn because then with msn things tend to be a bit more broad and casual with the person and friendships last. However, I just dont have a justifiable reason to contact her. I have no negative feelings right now about how our relationship ended but even though I dont care about what happened I dont think I should contact her. I feel like I need to build a life for myself but the same problems arise...She was the closest person ever in my life and I want close friends like that but I dont have them...

 

 

then I spend tons of time alone because my good friends have either moved away or are really busy..When I am occupied or at work she doesnt really come to mind. when I am alone at work however she may pop up casually in my head every now and then but if I am interacting with people I never think about her or in a rare occurrence if friends are over I dont ever think about her. I just need to find a consistent group of people I can be close with..

 

The closest thing I had to it was last spring when I met up with my classmates to do group work once or twice a week and we had lots of fun but after the semester ended everyone kind of moved on with their lives...so I didn't contact her in the end but I feel like I need some help with this friend issue I have..because even when I was in school last year..I would have this serious tone of thinking when I would be alone studying..it's like I need some sort of study group when I go back to school someday but right now I am not in school, I am working and I feel trapped..is there any advice I can seek from you guys?

[-BK-]

The closest thing I had to it was last spring when I met up with my classmates to do group work once or twice a week and we had lots of fun but after the semester ended everyone kind of moved on with their lives...so I didn't contact her in the end but I feel like I need some help with this friend issue I have..because even when I was in school last year..I would have this serious tone of thinking when I would be alone studying..it's like I need some sort of study group when I go back to school someday but right now I am not in school, I am working and I feel trapped..is there any advice I can seek from you guys?

 

Do you have a roommate? I know a lot of people who like to have others around them in order to feel social and not alone. When I bought my house, I didn't want to live alone, so I rent out two rooms. It works out great for the most part. I wouldn't say they're necessarily my best friends, but we do find stuff in common to share and it's nice to have someone around.

[revitalized]

Do you have a roommate? I know a lot of people who like to have others around them in order to feel social and not alone. When I bought my house, I didn't want to live alone, so I rent out two rooms. It works out great for the most part. I wouldn't say they're necessarily my best friends, but we do find stuff in common to share and it's nice to have someone around.

 

 

no I am living at home and my mom is really protective and keeps me really sheltered..Like I am happy that I have a lot of things to keep me occupied at home sometimes but I feel like I need new friends to have good times with and to feel good that I have positive and supportive friends..just kind of hard to figure out how to find that.

[-BK-]

no I am living at home and my mom is really protective and keeps me really sheltered..Like I am happy that I have a lot of things to keep me occupied at home sometimes but I feel like I need new friends to have good times with and to feel good that I have positive and supportive friends..just kind of hard to figure out how to find that.

 

You can't think about the end result, or you will get overwhelmed. Think about some of the suggestions that people have thrown out that can be social: taking a class, joining a theatre club, running club, or any type of club that associates with an interest you have. You'll find (maybe not the first time) that you'll meet people who share the same passions that you do... and you'll be able to make friends. How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

 

Friends are very important in life, even when you find the love of your life. Friends are not something you should have to give up -- they are something that should enhance your relationship.

[revitalized]

You can't think about the end result, or you will get overwhelmed. Think about some of the suggestions that people have thrown out that can be social: taking a class, joining a theatre club, running club, or any type of club that associates with an interest you have. You'll find (maybe not the first time) that you'll meet people who share the same passions that you do... and you'll be able to make friends. How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

 

Friends are very important in life, even when you find the love of your life. Friends are not something you should have to give up -- they are something that should enhance your relationship.

 

 

hey man I am 21 years old. I feel old for some reason probably because I gotta start from scratch in school once I go back in May. I feel good about how I have been getting along with people at work. but it just feels like a different story when I get home..then I feel like I am my hidden introverted self once again..I think I can grow and be really happy if I am around people a lot more..but yeah I am 21 years old man.

[bluestar]

Hiya,

 

I wouldn't let pride come between you and your ex. If you have really moved on and can cope with the idea that you aren't going to get back together, and that you will both hopefully find a new relationship, then why not make contact? Your far enough into your healing to recover even if you were set back for a bit.