Dating Without A Commitment

[sbux_addict]

Ok, so, I've been seeing this guy - I met him at a bar, we made out, and I thought that was that. He got my number, but I never expected him to call. Well, he did, and we ended going to a comedy show which he paid for. We made out again that night, and we had a little political disagreement (he's republican, I'm more Dem leaning), and I thought, well, he'll probably never call again. But he did. I'm attracted to him, and I do enjoy his company, but I feel like this is progressing into a relationship or exclusive relationship, which I don't want. I don't want to commit, or I don't want a commited relationship. I'm not ready. So I don't know what to do - part of me wants to tell him from the get go that I don't want a relationship, but part of me feels like I shouldn't even think about these things because it's too early. Anyway, what do you guys think?

[annie24]

i don't think you have to bring it up at this stage, just see him as much as you are comfortable with. he probably doesn't want to jump into things either. if he suggests you meet his folks, or go on a trip together soon, then you might want to tell him you aren't wanting a relationship.

 

but, it sounds like you two are having fun in the meantime, so that is good.

[renaissancewoman101]

Go on a few dates to see where it is heading. If you see the "relationship" heading somewhere serious, then let him know that is NOT what you wait.

 

You are a bit jumping the gun if you tell him now.

[Hope75]

I guess I am of a different train of thought where I think it's fair to be honest with him early on and tell him that you are not interested in a serious relationship with anyone but are enjoying spending some time with him.

 

That way, if he is interested in a committed relationship, he can back off and move on to someone who may share similar relationship goals, and you won't be stuck having an uncomfortable conversation with him a month down the road.

[smickey]

I'm with Hope on this one - better to be honest. It doesn't have to be something deep, just say that you enjoy hanging out but are not looking for a relationship right now. That gives him the option to stay or go - you never know he might just want that too.

 

Also, if you are enjoying his company, you might change your mind - it just happened to me. I met a guy, told him I was happy to have a casual thing but in no way wanted a relationship, he agreed and said he felt the same, we kept seeing each other and now feelings have developed that neither of us want to ignore and now we have both changed our mind and do want a relationship. Right from the outset we were honest with each other so we always knew where the other stood, which I am very glad about now as it means we have started off on the right foot.

[ghost69]

why not just continue and have fun. if he brings up the serious part tell him you aren't ready. if you bring it up before he says anything, you will look kind of weird.

[Batya33]

I like Annie's advice and I think it's fine to go on several dates where if it doesn't come up then he can assume as he should that you're just going on dates (unless you need to have the STD talk). If the general topic comes up you can say lightly "oh, yes, everyone around me seems to be getting engaged or married at the drop of a hat - me, I'm just having a good time building my career, meeting new people, and enjoying my precious free time." You don't want to give a "party girl" impression so I wouldn't even mention "casual" dating - just make it clear that you are not commitment minded.

[princess_summer_blue84]

I guess I am of a different train of thought where I think it's fair to be honest with him early on and tell him that you are not interested in a serious relationship with anyone but are enjoying spending some time with him.

 

That way, if he is interested in a committed relationship, he can back off and move on to someone who may share similar relationship goals, and you won't be stuck having an uncomfortable conversation with him a month down the road.

 

I'm so with Hope on this . I personally and honestly feel and think that if u become honest from the very beginning then that will tell ur partner what u really want and what you're really needing in a relationship. Girl go ahead and tell him how you really feel. You can't go wrong by telling him how you really feel . Good Luck .

[ycmanvs]

why not just continue and have fun. if he brings up the serious part tell him you aren't ready. if you bring it up before he says anything, you will look kind of weird.

 

I like this advice because most guys don't really like to talk about "the relationship" this early on. If you are having fun and he is not bringing it up, then why worry about it?

[Batya33]

I'm so with Hope on this . I personally and honestly feel and think that if u become honest from the very beginning then that will tell ur partner what u really want and what you're really needing in a relationship. Girl go ahead and tell him how you really feel. You can't go wrong by telling him how you really feel . Good Luck .

 

But no one - no one! is my "partner" after only four dates. Often we talk about general relationship goals as part of getting to know each other (whether in general we see marriage in our future - not to the other person specifically just generally) but those early dates are not for heavy conversations about what I "need" in a "relationship" because there is no "relationship." What I need in the first four dates is reliability, a guy who treats me with respect and like a lady, and a lot of laughter (compatible senses of humor - really does wonders to increase sparks).

 

Talking about what you "need in a relationship" on an early date isn't being "honest" - to me, with some exceptions it's oversharing and can be overwhelming to someone who is just getting to know you.

[ycmanvs]

But no one - no one! is my "partner" after only four dates. Often we talk about general relationship goals as part of getting to know each other (whether in general we see marriage in our future - not to the other person specifically just generally) but those early dates are not for heavy conversations about what I "need" in a "relationship" because there is no "relationship." What I need in the first four dates is reliability, a guy who treats me with respect and like a lady, and a lot of laughter (compatible senses of humor - really does wonders to increase sparks).

 

Talking about what you "need in a relationship" on an early date isn't being "honest" - to me, with some exceptions it's oversharing and can be overwhelming to someone who is just getting to know you.

 

This is so true. If you give out too much information or if he shares too much with you in the very beginning, that is a huge red flag of someone who is not stable emotionally.

[anggrace]

Usually people don't bring up being serious until they are already smitten and want to get serious. Thats why I don't think it's agood idea to keep going out with this guy and waiting to bring it up. Id get it out in the open before

he has the chance to fall hard for you. It's only fair. Why not bring it up? Afraid he would run? If he did, would that be so bad? Atleast you were honest. I would think it would be the respectable thing to do. Id certainly want to know.

[Batya33]

Because to me it is not my fault if someone I am casually dating "falls" for me- if i am seeing him once a week, speaking on the phone once or twice a week and nothing has been said about getting serious then it is his responsibility to speak up if he wants something more. I am more used to the guy bringing up general relationship goals in the beginning so that he doesn't "go there" if there is no chance I would want someone serious in my life.