For the best, but I don't want to say goodbye

[havefaith]

Hi everyone

 

I lost my grandmother this morning at 10 to 8 in the morning. She was 87. I am turning 20 in 2 weeks.

 

Since September she had been having back pain which got progressively worse. She kept going to the doctor and they kept sending her home with more arthritis meds.

 

That was until she couldn't move because of the pain and my uncle had to call an ambulance. That's when they decided to actually do an MRI and found out she had a shattered vertebrae. Somehow they overlooked this.

 

What's even worse is they overlooked the cancer. Bone cancer in her liver, lymph nodes, everything. This was just Thanksgiving.

 

Last week, the doctor told my family the cancer was not aggressive and she would make a full recovery. They told her. She cried.

 

Two days later, she was unresponsive. Today she is dead.

 

As an aspiring doctor this makes me so sick, it seems so unethical that they would tell her she was going to live without getting their facts straight. I don't think she knew she was dying. She thought she was going to live.

 

I go to college accross the country at a top twenty university so I had to choose between going to say goodbye to her the week before my finals or staying her and attempting to focus. I chose to say because as the stubborn lady she always was I thought she would not want me to jeopardize all I have worked for. After all I just transferred into my grandfather's favorite school (he died four years ago).

 

I know everyone loses their grandparents and even their parents but this is hitting me very hard. She was the toughest lady I knew, she even held on so hard in death she was crying out in pain for days and would not just let herself go. I hate to think she suffered. All I can think of are our memories, how out of anyone in my very large extended she was the only one to come to my graduation. She flew from New York to Georgia at the age of 85 and no one else did.

 

I had one last phone conversation with her. I didn't know what to say except I loved her, that's all I could say over and over. She started to cry and said she just wished she could see me, but sometimes things aren't in the cards. I loved her so much.

 

I feel so awful that I couldn't get there in time, on one hand I think I did what she would have wished especially because by the time I would have gotten there she would have already been gone.

 

I just feel so sad, I want to call her and ask her how to deal with the pain but she's just gone.

 

Thanks for reading.

[Jeffrey2095]

Hi havefaith, and I'm sorry to hear about your grandma, mine have been long since gone too.

 

Don't beat yourself up over missing the funeral and such!

 

You loved her and were there in life, so your grandma loves you even still. Yes, I believe at this very moment.

 

Jeffr

[barbielovesmac]

I am so sorry for your loss hun.

 

My thoughts are with you at the time.

 

We're all here for you.

 

(((hugs)))

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i am sorry... this is a hard time for you, but you sound like you had a wonderful relationship with her and that is what really counts!

 

it is really hard for even doctors to confront terminally ill people, and with older people it can be very unpredictable in terms of their health and how long they live. it could also be the doctor thought he was being kind to feel she had some hope for survival, or they could have really believed it and something else other than cancer caused her death.

 

my own father had cancer and heart problems, but rather than dying from them, died very quickly from pneumonia that started as a flu and then a few days later he was gone! so i think in some ways it is better if she does go quickly, and has hope til the last minute rather than suffering a long time...

 

this is hard for you know, but there will come a time when you do remember the great times you had with her and remember the great times with love and laughter rather than the deep sorrow you feel now... it does take time, and try to be with those you care about and family to help you get through this time.