should I withhold sex?

[cant find my smile]

hi all,

 

ex bf broke up with me 3 months ago saying he wasn't sure I was the one but maybe we'd be together in the future blah blah blah.

 

I begged the first month and then stopped and since the break up we have hung out and slept with each other about 6 times. I still care about him, I know he isn't seeing anyone else, and he says he still cares for me and hopes we can work it out one day.

 

I am going to see him again tonight to pick up some of my stuff and to stay for dinner, and I know I'll end up sleeping over. My question is, in the best interest of getting him back, is it better to just keep being casual and carefree with him and have fun, or should I tell him that we can't have sex anymore (eventhough I want to) until he decides he wants to be in a real relationship with me again.

 

The fact that we are still sleeping together doesn't bother me as much as it probably should, but I don't want it to ruin my chances of being together. wow...I must sound like I have zero self-respect but I promise I'm a pretty put together and amazing woman, just can't seem to shake this guy.

[love4life]

Of course it's tempting to keep up what you've got going, but you have to decide what you want from him in the long run. If it's commitment and marriage, don't expect him to make that decision about you anytime soon if you're satisfying his immediate needs with no strings attached.

 

He needs to miss you and think about you in order to realize how much you mean to him. Your removing yourself from his life just might get him to buck up and decide he misses you so much that he realizes you are "the one".

[CarnelianButterfly]

He's having sex without commitment, he's probably happy to continue that way.

 

You want commitment, stop giving him sex without commitment.

 

You aren't with holding sex, you aren't together, he has no right to your body. Sex is your choice, you don't want to, then don't.

[thouse]

It doesn't sound like you have zero-respect. But, you have to recognize what you truly want: a casual relationship or something long-term. I agree with love4life, don't make it so easy. If you want him back you have to make things something of a challenge and not make yourself so available. Your choice.

Think about the old saying "Why buy the cow when the milk is free" If you want him to commit, stop the sex.

[pureofheart]

At this stage,

 

you're not his girl friend,

 

you're not his "the one,"

 

you've down-graded yourself to a * * * * buddy.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

The fact that we are still sleeping together doesn't bother me as much as it probably should, but I don't want it to ruin my chances of being together. wow...I must sound like I have zero self-respect but I promise I'm a pretty put together and amazing woman, just can't seem to shake this guy.

 

He broke up with you and is now using you as Friends with Benefits. Of course he is going to tell you that maybe you will be together eventually...that's the carrot he is dangling in order to keep you in his bed. Do not think about how to conduct yourself so that you can get him back...no matter how you conduct yourself, you won't get him back unless he really wants you back. You should be thinking how to conduct yourself so that you re-gain your dignity and self-respect. Being his f--buddy is not the way to go. Stop having sex with him, stop being available to him, either maintain no contact or low contact. Don't do this as way to possibly get him back...do this so that you can heal and not be so hung up on him. If he does come back, you want to make sure he is no longer on that pedestal so that you can set healthy boundaries and make sure that he respects you, and what you want out of a relationship.