Did I worry myself out of a relationship?

[Jamielove21]

So I met this great guy. He's a year older than me, has an 8 year old daughter, has a good job, his own apartment, is very caring and affectionate. We have the same views on almost, if not all topics. Really no complaints at all. We have limited time we can see each other because I haven't yet met his daughter ( a fact I completely understand).

 

Here's the glitch. I've had some really crappy relationships were I trusted and was hurt. Alot. So now I've found this great guy who deserves my trust (probably) and all I do is worry. He let me worry and was constantly reassuring up until last night. He said he wasn't sure if he could keep doing this because I keep having "worry" fits. I apologized because I know its my fault, and I asked him to give me another chance. I promised I would not place my worries on him. He has enough pressure. The last text I got from him was "let cool down." I asked if that meant let "him" cool down or "lets cool down" He texted that I was thinking too much into it. I left him a voicemail last night apologizing again, and havent heard from him since.

 

Do you think I worried myself out of a relationship?

[Lana0120]

He may have a good reason for not having contacted you straight away. Don't jump to conclusions. Just stop worrying. Right now. OK, if he ends things with you it sucks, but at this point, you have nothing to lose by just focusing on other things. If he still wants to be with you, he'll get in touch, if he doesn't, he either won't get in touch or he will break up with you.

[annie24]

maybe you are not ready to have a relationship right now, if you are worried all the time. might be good to confront those issues.

 

that said - maybe your gut is telling you he is not as trustworthy as he seems..... if you are always worried, could be there is good reason for it.

[Jamielove21]

Im a worrier by nature. He hasn't given me any reason to worry about him. Im working on being a worrier (as in trying not to) but its not something that happens overnight. But now im really worried I screwd it up.

[annie24]

have you spoken to a therapist about this? i am a worrier also, I've been on therapy and meds for it, it has helped a lot.

[Jamielove21]

I am doing both. I think it is helping to a point, but this is just new territory for me....so I think that is what is making it bad. I KNOW I just need to relax, and I hope I get the chance to do that with him - or prove to him that I can.

[jenny_mcs]

You might have. I once dated a guy like this- he worried constantly and needed constant reassuring. It was exhausting.

 

I read your other thread- you have only been seeing this guy for 2 weeks? Your behavior is most likely sending up a red flag to him- especially after only 2 weeks.

 

What kinds of things do you worry about? What do you say to him/act towards him when you are worrying?

[Jamielove21]

Usually I just ask if he's sure he wants to be with me, if the relationship is going ok, etc. I wouldn't say I always express all of this to him, but its enough that I know its a problem. I've addressed that I know its a problem, and apologized. I can attempt to make myself not worry and/ or not express that worry. I know that this feeling is based on prior relationships, and I know that isn't fair to him.

[annie24]

You know that saying, 'a watched pot never boils.' or if you are baking, you don't pop your head in the oven every minute to see if the cake is done yet... i think that asking him if the relationship is going ok, if he wants to be with you, etc, after 1-2 months of dating is kind of overbearing. ie, instead of constantly asking, better to just let things happen, instead of checking up on the status constantly. I think it will just freak him out and push him away.

[SW]

I'm in a relationship similar to yours, my girlfriend had been in bad relationships. We started off quick at first she was very needy and clingy the first few weeks, but then she got freaked and started pushing me away because she was afraid to get hurt.

 

At first I was kind of mad , but after talking to her and asking why she is the way she is we have decided to be just friends. We still care about each other a lot, but emotionally she is not ready for a relationship yet.

 

I really like her and care about her a lot, so I am cool with just being friends with her.By being patient with her I am showing her I a real friend and not just looking out for my own interests. I hope one day we can have a relationship but I have no expataions.I think if you talk to your guy and explain your fears it would help him understand. If he really like s you he'll understand and be patient with you, if not he might not be worth it.