this is new to me... i need some help!

[i_must_be_blind]

ok, so here's the deal. i'm new here, and you all know why. this is sort of a long story, but i'll try to keep it summed up to be as simple as possible.

 

i'm a guy in my late 20's, and i never gave my heart away to anyone until a couple years ago when i met the 'one', or at least i thought so. don't get me wrong, i dated plenty a girls, but i never let any of those ever get too serious because i never really got into the long-term thing... anyway, here's the story:

 

i met this girl, and i knew from day one that she was the one for me. we were together for about a year and a half and the whole time things could not have been more perfect. we never fought, never really argued about anything too serious, nothing like that. it was always just too perfect. then one day, i heard about this school that specializes in audio engineering (my lifelong dream), and i decided to apply to it. no harm there right? this school is 2000 miles away, and coincidentally in the very same city where she is from and where her mother still lives. now, while we were together, she had told me on numerous occasions that she wanted to get the hell out of where we were because it was driving her crazy. when i told her that i applied for this school, the first words out of her mouth were "Woohoo!, I'm going home!". The next day, she took a complete 180 on me. She kept telling me that there was no way that she'd go with me. Keep in mind that i'm only here for 8 months, so a long distance relationship could have worked. This happened in april or may of this year, and i did get accepted, and i did move here to follow this dream. I didn't move here until late august, and we stayed together until about a month before i moved here. This is a bit of a side track, but i'll mention that most of our relationship was sort of distant. i lived about an hour away for a little more than half of our time together to finish up at college, but that never seemed to be an issue. So, fast-forward to june of this year... She started working in this small town bar. The same small town that i'm from, where i still know all the dirtbag, lowlifes that like to hang out at the nasty bar. I go back there one day because she's opening up the bar for the night. It's about 5:30, and its just her and i in there hanging out. Then this dude that i don't really know, but have seen around comes strolling in with a laptop. At first i didn't really think much of it, but she basically ignored me while he was in there. He was showing her a bunch of pictures or something, i don't know... It didn't really add up until a couple months later. We'll get there. I also heard some things from a friend of mine that she'd been messing around with other people too, but i simply did not believe it, but it still never should have been an issue. Shortly after all this went down, i get an email from her. A break up EMAIL!!!! who does that? most of this email was her telling me how much she still loves me and always will, bla bla bla, but she can't wait for me. At this point, i didn't really know what to think, because i was moving away for awhile and i heard all this * * * * that i didn't want to hear about her, so i just wrote it off.

 

Now, i have moved 2000 miles away and we were still keeping in touch here and there. Still, we never had any sort of fight or argument, it was just a mutual 'agreement' that we weren't going to be what he been in the past. Not TWO WEEKS after i get here, i was checking out her myspace page, and sure enough, she's with that same dude that came into the bar with his laptop. His pictures are literally plastered all over her page. Now, i'm an adult and i don't want to sound childish about a stupid myspace thing, but seriously that really floored me. It pissed me off enough to pick a fight with her because i wanted some answers. I was never satisfied with her giving me the 'i love you so much break up email'. So i called her out on all that stuff i heard about her while she was working at the bar. She didn't take too kindly to that. In fact, she got overly defensive about everything i said, which only makes me believe that all of it was true. I don't know, nor do i care at this point what really happened because i still love her more than anything, but i had to get some answers from her and pissing her off was the only way to get it out of her. This all started about 2 months ago and we are actually still communicating with each other.

 

Here's where i am COMPLETELY CONFUSED:

 

i have to do an internship in april '08, and i can basically pick any city in the USA to do this. LA, NYC, Chicago, and Nashville are the big four for the music business. I'm not from any one of these cities. The closest big city to where i'm from basically has a music scene that is non-existent compared to the afore mentioned cities. i sent her an email saying that i would go back for her, and her only. The next day, i get a text from her telling me to do my internship back home. I was ecstatic when i got this, so i called her up...She actually answered a phone call for once, and we started to discuss this. This is what she said to me "i'm living with my new boyfriend now." yea, thats right, living with this dude in less than two months. * * * !? why on earth would she tell me this? a couple weeks after that, she told me that she still loves me, yet she won't talk to me. we basically only communicate via text messages, and i have to initiate almost all of them and i don't really get much of a response unless i leave an open ended message that doesn't make sense to her. I poured my heart out to this girl, and got almost nothing back. i don't get it. she says she loves me, she knows i love her, BUT she ignores me and she won't answer any important question i ask.

 

i think she's playing head games with me because she knows that she has the upper hand. i love this woman more than anything, and i would do anything to get her back. what can i do!? please help me!! i'll be home in three weeks for christmas and we have agreed to see each other to talk about everthing. should i go no contact until then to see if she actually misses me?

[thouse]

this was really long, you would get more feedback if it was a bit condensed.

 

My best advice is this. Somebody that already has another boyfriend could not possibly give you what you need. If she loved you as much as she says she does she would be with you and not him. Furthermore she is telling you all this while having a boyfriend so now she's disrespecting him. I know you love her but what kind of person is this really? I would venture to say she is playing games and I wouldn't indulge her. I would not have any contact with anybody that has another significant other.

[i_must_be_blind]

thanks for the input. i'm pretty sure you're right on the money here. i don't need her anyway. i gave her a golden opportunity to get out, and she didn't take it. not my problem right? i'm convinced she was seeing that dude before she broke it off anyway.

[langford]

"I sent her an email saying that i would go back for her, and her only"

 

She breaks up with you by email,is with someone else weeks later,sends you a bunch of hostile texts and according to gossip cheated on you multiple times previously yet you send her this devotion email?

 

Conformation at last the guys are just masochists!

[Smile_83]

i'm really sorry that you're going through this. I think that you need to move on and start healing. You deserve to be with someone who will love you back. It seems like she's keeping you just in case things don't work out with the other guy. You deserve better. Stay strong.

[i_must_be_blind]

"Conformation at last the guys are just masochists!"

 

-what the hell is my problem!? you're exactly right too, at least about me. i need to fix this ASAP. i'm so much better than this.