Problems with the past

[mark1982]

Hi there, i'm 25 my gf is 22 weve been together for 9 months now and she is pregnant.

when we met we didnt really know each other and she didnt tell me she had a child until we had been together for a little while as she has no contact as child lives with its dad. Also we moved in together within 3 months and i found things out about her past which i really didnt like and it really gets to me a lot of the time. Which can get me worked up and things just keep going round in my head. I just cant stand the thought of her with anyone else. she was with a 21 year old when she was 14 and had a child at 17 with him. He was in and out of prison and cheated on her loads of times with her best friends etc. Then he beat her up badly etc. Then after that when she was 20 she slept with a 17 yr old. But also she found out how many girls id slept with and she doesnt trust me very much since. We keep arguing and both say nasty comments to each other. Messed up i know!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Does she use birth control? This is the second time she has gotten pregnant. At 14 she is with a 21 year old...at 20, she slept with a 17 year old...she moved in with you within 3 months, you have only been together 9 months and she is already pregnant. Are you sure you want to be with a woman who is this self-destructive? Why did you move in with her after only 3 months? Were you using condoms?

[Mythical_Suicide]

But also she found out how many girls id slept with and she doesnt trust me very much since.

 

As the saying goes.. People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.. Why are you still with this chic????

She sounds like bad news to me.. She is far from perfect but is worried about the people you've slept with.. yeah..

[mark1982]

well in answer to your questions im with her coz i love her. She really is the sweetest girl i ever met and shes not the cheating kind. The problems lay in the fact that all this stuff keeps going round in my head and i dont know if i can do anything about it. She has only slept with these 2 people apart from me and i have slept with quite a high number. I dont want to keep hurting her because of all this because that is the last thing she needs

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think you really need to put this in perspective...BOTH of you have slept with others..the number doesn't matter...you have BOTH had experience with other partners...but that is ancient history. The love you have for each other should overshadow everything else. If neither of you can get past the fact that each of you has a sexual past, then you are both placing sex far above the connection both of you have with each other. It is the here and now that counts...the connectedness both of you feel for each other...if both of you don't let the past go then you will poison the connection you have....the poison is already working its way through....she doesn't trust you simply because you have slept with others...and you can't get the images of her with others out of your head. This relationship is doomed if you both can't leave ancient history where it belongs.

[Batya33]

I would think part of perspective needs to be first and foremost focusing on the best interests of the child since you decided to be a daddy - both financially and emotionally being able to support the child. This other stuff needs to be put to the side given your choice to be a daddy.

[ghost69]

she sounds kind of immature. i mean, if she gets jealous of your past. she has some insecurity issues. maybe she is still trying to get over her past. all you can do is reassure her you love her enough to continue and want to work it out.