Ending an Affair

[diamonds321212]

I feel so torn, yet I know I can't ask anyone to feel bad for me because I brought this on to myself, seeing a married man while I too am married. When I ask him not to call me and he does I feel hurt, but happy that he is thinking of me, yet when he does not call (3 days, so far) I feel hurt and lonely. I know deep inside I did the right thing to end it, it feels good to do the right thing, but bad that I am loosing a great man.. although younger than me he is the best, hard worker, great person and compliments me all the time! What now he will not leave his wife, he just got married to her and they have been together for many years, he tells me that had he known he could feel this way for someone he never would of married her although she is his best friend, he says he feels no passion for her and sexually and emotionally I am what he wants, but he tells me he is afraid of what the fam. will say about him after she waited so many years for him, for him to walk out after a few months. How do I cope with my feelings if he lives next to me.

[topliner1607306444]

If you feel that your marriage is not working, and to me it doesnt look like it, then you must be honest with your husband and tell him that your feelings have changed and you dont feel the marriage is working or perhaps see a marriage counsellor for help spicing up your marriage.

 

You done the right thing ending your affair. Its not fair on your husband and its not fair on his wife. It was a selfish act and im glad you realised that and ended it.

 

You must tell him to lay off. The only way it would work if you'se were both single and you'se are not, so dont do it.

 

I think you should seek advice on your marriage and not on your relationship with someone elses husband.

 

How do you know he is telling you truth? He could be just using you - you dont honestly know. So be careful. If he was just recently married to her then it sounds like he has done this before on her. He just be that type of guy, sweet to your face but dangerous behind your back.

 

I hope you get things sorted.

 

Tony, 27, Ireland.

[diamonds321212]

It meant alot to me to hear this advice from a man, women always tend to feel that men never can hurt like we do, it was great! Why does it hurt so much?

[diamonds321212]

I told him not to call, yet I am hurt that he use to call and said he would call me back after we spoke on Fri. and now nothing, no calls... why am I upset, this is the right thing, I just expected him to follow up and call me, try to be with me, maybe I was just great sex to him! So heart broken, I really expected that I had gotten him to love me.. he said he did. He seemed so sincere, now I am confused.

[mermayd]

I agree with topliner here. You should get counseling regarding your marraie but you should give yourself a great pat on the back for having the courage to end things. Of course it will hurt. You became lonely in your marraige and this person came to save you and took your heart. Time will help it to heal. You cant expect to be over him in the blink of an eye. He did everything you needed for him to do. I wont call him a liar in any respect. I have no idea if he lied to you or not. It is really 50/50 either way. But stick to what you told him. He is only trying to respeect you by not calling since that is what you asked. I am sure he thinks of you just as you do of him. But in order for the both of you to try and save your current relationships, you both need to give eachother space and not interefere in eachother's lives. In time, you will feel better, not so hurt, that he isnt calling anymore. It will become something you can expect. Try to concentrate on your marraige and when you see him, just be friendly. Act as though your husband were present even if he is not. It should help ease the pain, there wont be any flirting or "looks" going on to make it harder.

[topliner1607306444]

It hurting you so much as now he hasnt called and you feel rejected in some way. As i said in my first response, he may just be using you. He's only just married and having a sexual relationship with someone else. I dont know him but i bet my life he is just using you.

 

Im a man and i would never do such a thing but i have mates that have went down that path before and every single one of them ended in disaster and hurt. And if you keep seeing him, you will be the worst off. Why? Cause you will loose your husband, you will loose your bit on the side, and then will loose your mind. Your husband will hurt but he'll get over it quicker as he will see you as a liar and a cheat. The other man will be away happy with his wife and probably be having sex with some other married woman, he'll not care. While you will be left alone and depressed.

 

Im only telling you this for your own good. You must forget about him! You must not contact him! You must not take calls from him!

 

If you want your marriage to work then work on it and seek advice on that!! If you feel your marriage is over then talk to your husband. It is not fair and you know it.

 

While i dont agree with affairs, i do sympathise with you and i know you are genuinely hurt but what im telling you is honest and i do genuinely feel its for the best.

 

There are 4 people at stake here, you, your husband, your neighbour and your neighbours wife. You are now in control, do the right thing for all of them - STAY AWAY!!!

 

Good luck,

Tony, 27, Ireland

[diamonds321212]

The two of you have been so great, I expected to be called every name in the book for doing something so wrong, seeing someone else's huband, yet the two of you have been so comforting, I read your replies a couple times a day for strenghth...because they were great and help me through the day...I look so forward to reading them.Thank you two angels for helping me through a tough time that I only have myself to blame for getting into. And thank you so much for understanding what I am going through and not calling me names I so rightfully know I deserve like tramp, and etc.