Did I tell my ex the right thing? Help!

[liz22]

So I posted a couple days ago about seeing my ex again but we are just hanging out/sex. I told him yesterday that I was suppose to go on a date with someone last night. Well, I didn't actually end up going but when I talked to my ex this morning I told him that I did. For the first time he seemed kind of affected. He said "whatever" all pissy. Then he called me back again 10 minutes later, which is not like him. He called just to talk. He said "how is your new boyfriend" all sarcastically.

 

So I'm wondering if I said the right thing by telling him this. I was reading a book about relationships and it says if you want somone (or want someone back) you have to let them know that you have other options. It seemed to maybe work or affect him a little bit. What do you think? Should I still let my ex know that I am exploring other options if he doesn't want to get back with me yet?? Thanks for everyones continued help!

[matt24]

Continuing to sleep with someone sends very mixed signals. That to me is a mistake unless you want to be with him. I would be really confused if my ex slept with me then turned around and said they were going on a date.

I don't know your situation but have you tried talking about all of this?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Continuing to sleep with someone sends very mixed signals. That to me is a mistake unless you want to be with him. I would be really confused if my ex slept with me then turned around and said they were going on a date.

I don't know your situation but have you tried talking about all of this?

 

Yes, I agree. If you are no longer together, why are you still sleeping with him. He could have been upset simply because if you find someone else, he ends up losing his nice Friends with benefits, no strings attached arrangement. Also, when you use games to get someone back...trying to get them jealous and show you have other options...that will end up backfiring on you big time. Stop sleeping with him, stop being so available to him, and stop trying to make him jealous. Talk to him and see if you guys can re-build your relationship. If he says no, then start implementing no contact and move on with your life.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i don't think it is ever a good idea to lie to someone about this kind of thing. you are trying to manipulate them and create a false base for the relationship.

 

also, if he finds out you were lying, he will be very angry and feel manipulated, so it is not worth that potential.

 

this can also backfire on you from the standpoint he will wonder about how real your feelings are for him. i.e., she says she really wants me, but she's looking for other guys, what's up with that??

 

there are many who advocate gameplaying in relationships, but usually that is just to sell a book, so that people will think, that's all i have to do and i get them back?

 

so you get him back due to a twinge of jealousy, but then that passes and you are back where you were before. are you going to threaten to date someone else every time there is a problem or distance in the relationship?

 

a good relationship usually isn't based on this kind of thing... he wants to be with you or not, regardless, and if he is with other people and not treating you with respect, tricking him to raise his interest for a few moments won't keep the interest for long...

[BlondGuy]

the advice in the book seems very immature and is game playing. he is the one who left you? if so, he must be thinking "were sleeping together but she is going on dates, she must not be serious about working things out." so if want to get back together work things out like mature adults. dont let him take advantage of you either. if he is sleeping with you and is wishy washy about getting back together or seriously working things out tell him youre not playing these types of games and that you need to be treated with respect.

[Calilove]

 

so you get him back due to a twinge of jealousy, but then that passes and you are back where you were before. are you going to threaten to date someone else every time there is a problem or distance in the relationship?

 

 

I completely AGREE!!!!!!

This may not be the response you would like to hear but I'm being sincerely honest and I hope this helps you. What you are doing is so wrong. this child game you are playing is not a long term solution to the problem, only a bandaid. Also if you have to "put on an act" and lie to get his attention, is he really the right person for you? probably not. rethink things!!! Good relationships are all about being HONEST. If you slept with him recently and now claim to be seeing someone so soon, he may think you have moved on.

 

If my ex did what you are doing I would be extremely HURT!! and would think he didn't give a crap about my feelings.

 

If things are meant to be he will come back around and tell you he wants to get back with you. (No jealousy/childish games required).

[liz22]

The only thing is that he is seeing another girl now too. This girl has a kid and everytime I see my ex he comments how annoying kids are, but he is still seeing her. Maybe I did this out of hurt becuase of what he is doing?