The worst night of my life

[LonelyMoondancer]

A couple of nights ago I went to a party. I was really, really upset about something and I totally overdid it with the acohol, to the point where I was very vulnerable and puking. I came to the party never even having kissed a guy. But when I was there I made out with a guy and I totally didn't mean to. He shoved me into the bathroom and we did so much. I don't even want to relive it; I'll just say that we definitely did not have sex. After awhile I snapped out of it, got angry, told him off and left. I proceeded to cry like crazy because I felt like something had been taken from me. I met another guy that night and he was amazing. He comforted me and took care of me while this jerk I made out with just tried to dance with me. The jerk has a thing for my roommate and has also messed around with her, but not to the same extent. He kept apologizing to her for hurting me, and she refused to talk to him because of what he put me through. He was upset about hurting her and not me, and while he sent me a sincere sounding apology I believe it was only to please my roommate. I feel like a mess, and I laughed quite a bit today because I'm trying really hard to put it behind me. However a close friend brought up something that really concerned me. She said something about how you can get pregnant by dry humping. I was wearing thin leggings and at several times he kept pulling his penis out of his jeans, so it may have touched me from the outside. I'm so paranoid about it. I just need to talk about this. I feel like a horrible judgement impaired person and it's far from what I want to be. I feel like I lost my thoughts about myself and the good person that I was.

[musicguy]

I'm pretty sure that you can't get pregnant by dry humping. Also, drinking yourself into a stuper didn't help much either

[Poe]

Wow, I don't think I've ever wanted to hug someone online so much. This guy was a jerk - you've learned a valuable lesson. You made a mistake, thankfully one you do not have to regret (no I do not think that you could be pregnant, relax... not by dry humping anyway, even a light touch. I think you are ok!)

 

But look, you made a mistake, you see it and you are moving on - some people don't see it. THATS a problem.

 

I bet you're a really amazing girl and I bet that any guy would be lucky to have you. Just from the things you are saying I can tell that you obviously have high standards of yourself. Just because you made a mistake doesn't undo all of that. You are still a good person. In time, you'll look back and laugh at this. It sounds like your body wanted something that your mind just didn't want under those conditions - it's normal and human! Just be glad you stopped yourself and no harm was done.

 

What about this other guy that comforted you? Sounds like a pretty decent guy. Why don't you date him? If you don't mind my asking, how old are you?

[keenan]

Just because you made a mistake doesn't undo all of that. You are still a good person. I

 

I totally agree. Learn from this, sweetie, but don't beat yourself up about it anymore.

 

Experiences like these are exactly how we REALLY learn to set boundaries for ourselves. We all begin our teens/twenties with ideas about what is right for us, what we want, need, expect, what we think we'll do, what we will NEVER do, etc. But until those expectations get pushed on and the boundaries actually get crossed, we don't really KNOW for sure who we are.

 

You had a really strong emotional response to this night, and that tells you so much about yourself--It says that you aren't the kind of person who is ok with getting so drunk that you lose track of your better judgment; you aren't the kind of person who really wants (when it's all said and done) to make out with a guy you don't know very well and don't have strong positive feelings about; you are the kind of person who values being on her guard against guys who are willing to take advantages of sweet nice girls who have too much to drink; you are the kind of person who really appreciate the support of friends (male and female) who can talk you through this. Sounds like a pretty good person to me!

 

Think about it--lots of people experience what you did and have NO regrets! The fact that you did it and felt awful is proof that you DO have standards--actual, TESTED standards, rather than ideals. If this was a test, honey, you passed.

 

Also, for the record: (1) that guy is a superjerk; (2) the chances of you being pregnant are extremely, extremely, extremely (repeat this 8 more times) small.

[Aegean_Doll]

Exactly what keenan said...

 

...plus...

 

*** HUGS!***

[boo121]

you cant get pregnant for dry humping so don't worry about it! A lot of people don't take a balanced perspective on these things, so I'm going to...

 

"I was really, really upset about something and I totally overdid it with the acohol, to the point where I was very vulnerable and puking." - He didnt force you to drink the alcohol, you drank it, so thereforeeee you are responsible for your own actions.

 

"But when I was there I made out with a guy and I totally didn't mean to." - How is this his fault? You made out with him, and drank too much. Don't worry though we've all been there and made out with sum1 we shldnt have. But i always accept responsibility if i drink too much.

 

You are just as much to blame as the guy is for what happened. Shifting the responsibility souly on the guy is immature. You need to realize that you were responsible for the level of alcohol you drank and the actions you took, just as much as him! In my experience it takes 2 to tango.

 

If he was intimate with you against your will and you said no, then thats different. You said no to him anyway, (welldone you set down a boundary here) and then he left.

 

I respect him for apologizing to you about it, because he understands that it was foolish and you are having a hard time. Whatever ulterior motives you think he might have for apologizing, he is still saying sorry.

 

Personally I think girls need to set boundaries and stop these silly innocence games and blaming men on all the bad things that happen. It's attention seeking / childish to be quite blunt.

[itsallgrand]

Ok. You made a mistake. That's all. Just don't do it again, and you will be ok.

 

I think you can take comfort in the fact that even though you were really drunk, and emotional, and all over the place that night: you still had that inner voice speaking loudly enough that you knew what you were doing was wrong for you.

And you listened to it enough that you did not end up in bed with that guy.

 

So things aren't as bad as they seem right now. You haven't made any mistakes that can't be 'fixed'.

 

What concerns me a bit, for you, moreso than all this is the situation with your roommate. You live with her; so seeing her and the possibility of her on the phone/bringing that guy over/all that drama perpetuating around you could possibly keep this on a roll and have you feeling bad inside.

 

You got yourself involved in something that was originally between roommate:sloppy guy. You may not have thought it out beforehand to intend it to happen as it did, but you did it.

 

I think it would be good for you to apologize to your roommate for fooling around with a man she is involved with. It doesn't matter if he is a skeeze or not (he seems it) - that is something you did that you shouldn't have regarding a friend/roomie of yours.

 

After that, just steer clear of all that booze when you are feeling so upset. Don't put yourself in a situation like that again. You need to look out for yourself.

[jettison]

Not to diminish in any way what you're going through emotionally, but if this truly turns out to be "the best night of your life" then you'll have lived an absolutely charmed life.

 

You join the ranks of Gandhi, Will Farrell, Faye Dunaway, Bill Gates, Joe Montana, Fiona Apple, and.... erah... just about every other human being on the planet who has gotten wrapped up in the moment, whether intoxicated or not, and done something they later regretted.

 

So basically, you're joining the ranks of the non-robotic humans. I'm going to guess that you're going to recover from this episode, and that it will take less time then you might imagine.

[Batya33]

Echoing the hugs.

 

The only way you could get pregnant through clothing is if he pre-ejaculated, or came, and the clothing was thin enough so that somehow it got through and in you. Extremely remote and I wouldn't worry. Hopefully your period is due very soon.

[LonelyMoondancer]

Thanks so much evereyone. I don't think I can explain how much it means to me to not have a bunch of replies saying I deserve what I got because I wasn't thinking. I know I shouldn't have had so much just because I was upset about something else... I actually wanted to post about that but I had no internet for awhile, so I went and got drunk instead grrr...

I didn't mess around with a guy my roommate is involved with. I found out after I did what I did that he made out with her at another party, and she has zero feelings for him. thereforeeee I don'th think I owe her any type of apology. Also, I'm not entirely blaming the guy. I know it takes two to tango; that's exactly why I was so upset with myself. But at points I would snap out of it and tell him to leave me alone and he would physically force me to continue. And I guess I was really upset that this totally ruined my first kiss in addition to the pain of having done something so unlike me.

The guy who took care of me was amazing. He didn't leave my side until I was ready to go home and he piggybacked me there. He got my number but hasn't called yet. And by the way Poe, I'm eighteen.

[redrose85]

Just know your limit, and don't exceed it. I agree. Don't berate yourself anymore, just learn from this experience

[LonelyMoondancer]

Thanks; I'm trying not to be so hard on myself because people have had worse nights than that, but it just kills me to know that he doesn't care how I feel at all. He broke two window panes in his drunken state because he regretted what we did due to the fact that he thought he'd hurt his chances with my roommate, who clearly told him she has no interest. I don't think I can ever completely get over that. Whenever I walk past those two windows they're such bold reminders of the fact that people can be totally heartless.

[boo121]

I'm glad to hear that you understand that going over your limit is your responsibility. Like has been said, learn from it and move on! Hugs from me too