Seasonal depression, 5 months since she left, and other things that have set me back.

[Beginningandend]

Ever since last week my mood has steadily declined, mainly with the knowledge in hand that for the first time in 7 years I do not have a SO to share the holidays with. Add the fact that Dec. 4th will be 5 months to the day she walked out on me and it has kicked my spirits lower. So I'm down, will I be kicked while I'm down? Apparently so.

 

For the first time since she left I saw her and him(the man she had affairs with who was supposedly also my friend for those who may not know) together in public. With a certain degree of relief they did not see me, I saw them looking at something as I turned a corner in a store. Upon seeing them I spun right back around and headed another direction.

 

This was inevitable. I knew this was bound to happen at some point since learning of her return and him coming with her, but I wish it wasn't now. After the holidays would have been ok. Still painful but a lot easier to bear than it is now. This is just so depressing it makes me tired. I have no urge or desire to do anything else but crawl in bed and stay there.

 

There is no real purpose of this other than to vent and get it out. I'm just feeling really low and sick.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It will get better. Next time you see them together it won't hurt as bad now that you have gone through the initial shock of seeing them as a couple. The holidays can be really rough. Do you have plans with friends and family for the holidays? Have you thought about going away somewhere for a few days? Just think of December 4th as just another day. This year the evening of December 4th marks the start of the Jewish holiday of Hanukkah. It is a time of celebration of miracles and survival despite trials and tribulations. Perhaps look at December 4th as a celebration of you and the fact that you have survived quite well without her.

[fivespot]

It's amazing what loss can do to a person. I used to be really happy. I had my hobbies...I loved to play music, I ran, I lifted weights, hell, I even used to box like rocky.

 

I had things set out and things were finally starting to go my way. Then I got involved with my now-ex and I thought my life was even better.

 

But now that she's gone, it seems she took part of my soul with her. All the things I used to do for fun are now meaningless to me. On weekends, I usually stay in bed until around 1:00 in the afternoon. I stay up all night watching TV to keep my mind off things because otherwise, I wouldn't be able to sleep.

 

You talk about you breaking up with your ex 5 months ago...well how about me, today would have been our anniversary. We finally cut things completely off about a month ago, but god this hurts! I wanted to marry this girl and instead, she tells me she doesn't feel the same and she isn't sure if she was ever in love with me.

 

I'm getting by. The holidays make everything 100x worse, though. But most of all, the flashbacks are what are really taking their toll on me right now. All I can see is her smile and her beautiful eyes. When I close my eyes, I just see hers.

 

I'm right here with you. We'll get through this ...somehow.

[carriebradshawny]

B&E

 

I am sorry that you are feeling so rotten right now. I am sure it didn't help your mood to see your ex and her new b/f. Have you thought of perhaps seeing a dr about the depression and/or seasonal depression. The winter and the holidays in general are stressful times. However, try and think of the positive. You still have your family to spend the holidays with and being single right now could be the greatest gift you give yourself right now.

[terk2021]

I have been fortunate not to run into my ex fiance of last year since February. It was so nice of her to move just a mile down the street, and it's a miracle I have not run into her. At this point, I am not sure how I would react if I saw her, but I am sure my feelings would be very similar to what you are going through right now.

 

I am sure you are sick of hearing about time healing, and it will get better, and you will find someone else... YUCK. I heard it for months, and months, and months last year when my world fell apart.

 

It always seemed like everything went right in my life up until last year. When I saw my friends go through breakups, divorce, infidelity, loss of job, whatever it was, I always told them 1 thing: "everything happens for a reason".

 

You may not see it tomorrow, next week, next month, or even next year, but some day you will be blessed that she is not a part of your life any longer. If you think about it deep down, do you want to be with someone that could cheat on you???

 

Sometimes it really sucks to have a heart, because when it gets broken, all of your strength seems to disappear. Pills, doctors, counseling... It really does not cure anything. I hope you have a strong support structure around you, and friends that come over and take you out of the house and get you back out there.

 

Believe me, I sat on the couch for 6 months, not caring about family, my job, house, and all of the things I worked for for so long. What I can tell you is that sitting on that couch, and pushing for her to come back did not change a thing.

 

We all heel at different paces, and no matter what advice we receive, it's going to occur at the pace you can heal at. I would take it as a blessing in one regard. If she could cheat on you, she could cheat on him just as easily. Some day you will feel blessed that your relationship ended.

 

I wish you the best. Trust that you deserve better, and when you are ready, you will find her. You need to have that faith.

 

Terk

[hopefulromantic79]

I can really sympathize and somewhat empathize with you, Beggining&End. I have also had the unfortunate image of my ex and his now gf imprinted in my mind because I met her about a month before we broke up.

 

Just wanted to say and remind you that 5 months is not a long time after what you've been through...I'm still grieving my 2 yr. relationship (and it's been 6 months). These setbacks are only temporary, and definitely normal on this road to recovery & healing. What happened to you was not your fault ... no matter how many things you did "wrong" ... marriage vows are real and there is no excuse for her breaking them. She has to live with the guilt and I do believe in karma...not that sitting around wishing her harm is a good idea, just know that things will even out in the end. And know that you are a very sensitive, caring, giving man and any woman would be lucky to have you by their side. This world needs more men like you!

 

Hang in there It's going to be a rough month for us all.

[hosswhispra]

You will get better as each day passes. Holidays have that inclination about them in that they can make people at times feel very lonely.

 

For seasonal affective disorder, there is light therapy. People get special lights (usually 10,000 lux) and sit near the light for at least 30 minutes a day. I have read that people with seasonal affective disorder feel better in a few days with light therapy.

[Beginningandend]

Crazyaboutdogs I do have plans for the holidays, but it's the fact that in the first time in 7 years I will not have a SO to share it with is the big blow here. Like I said seeing them was inevitable, just couldn't have happened at the worst time.

 

fivespot The occasions you speak of in regards to yourself will get less and less. Times of year and stressing situations can cause setbacks, but they do subside. This is not just to you but myself as well.

 

carriebradshawny While I probably should, I'm rather leery of doctors and try to avoid them whenever possible, and medications I avoid meds like the plague.....I don't even take anything for colds unless it gets pretty severe which rarely happens. I am trying to stay positive, but it is so hard when it feels like every time I turn around I'm getting sucker punched.

 

terk2021 Believe me, I have NO desire to have her back in my life. This deception has made me see her in a new light, and what I see is not someone I could ever be with again. I'm just stuck with "Why?". Why did she do this? Why didn't she talk to me, especially when she was the one who was a big advocate of communication? Why didn't she just leave if she was unhappy? Why did she go and do this instead? That's what has been swimming through my head, and frankly, it's rather draining. Faith? It's a hard thing to come by right now. This was done by my wife and a friend. After that I look at others and wonder who can I really trust?

 

hopefulromantic79 I know after a 7 year history, 5 months to recover is probably not enough time........doesn't mean I don't want it to happen sooner though. The choice was hers to make, she made it, now the consequence is that I have no respect for her at all. Do I still love her? If I said no I'd be lying. I don't think you have a relationship with someone that long and just shut it down..........although she seems to do it well. I accept responsibility for things I did or didn't do in the relationship, but I do not take responsibility for her infidelity and she knows that. Thank you for your kind words, but I only see myself as hollow right now.

 

hosswhispra I hope you are right about each day getting better, because it doesn't feel that way right now. Ever since finding out about her return to the area(in OUR home with HIM) my moods seem to go in every direction. Light therapy? Never heard of it. I'll have to check it out at some point.