I never seem to get anywhere!

[skyblue1]

Hello, I have posted a few times on the same subject about finding someone and dating etc

 

I feel i have bad luck with men for the past 5 years i can never seem to keep i guy interested for long. Examples - Went speeddating a couple of weeks ago met one guy i liked, got an email from him asking me out so i replied yeah sure we can meet for a drink and asked him how he was it's been 4 days since his emailed me and he hasn't responded to my email. Why?

 

Met this guy at the petrol stage i know randam We got talking and asked for my number to take me out - then he txts me the next day asking me when i'm free i said next week cause i'm busy he said ok we sort something out. Didn't hear from him so i txted him a week later - then he texted back saying we can meet this tuesday i say ok - but he will txt me to confirm now it's been 2 days and he should have txted me yesterday.

 

Do you guys think i'm cursed? Because it feels like it. I attract the guy then nothing happens

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Don't take it so personally. A lot of people are wishy washy in these situations...in fact, a lot of people just can't commit to getting together with people in general, not just a date thing. I knew somebody who would get invited out with a group of people but he wouldn't commit so quickly because he wanted to keep his options open in case there was a "better offer". I also know lots of people who say "we should get together for lunch" and then they can't commit to when so it never happens. There are just some people who like to say "let's get together" but don't really mean it...and you can tell they don't mean it when they don't want to actually make a plan.

 

By the way, if the plan is to meet Tuesday, he could end up calling you Sunday or Monday to firm up the plans.

[wiser]

Dont make yourself so available to these guys when you meet them. You dont want to play the game of dating but you have to. You have to build their attraction for you, make them want you. Do that by keeping them guessing, like they are doing to you. Unless/until you meet a guy that is willing to jump right into it with you. I am not talking about sex either.

[Zackinlaw]

Dont make yourself so available to these guys when you meet them. You dont want to play the game of dating but you have to. You have to build their attraction for you, make them want you. Do that by keeping them guessing, like they are doing to you. Unless/until you meet a guy that is willing to jump right into it with you. I am not talking about sex either.

 

Yeah, I know this is sort or a "rule" but I can't warm up to it at all.

 

It might work with some guys who enjoy the "chase" but in the end, would you really want to be with someone you had to "trick" into being attracted to you? Wouldn't you rather know how attracted a guy IS to you instead of how attracted you can MAKE him be temporarily? It's an interesting game to get dates, but not a good start to a real relationship. Hold out for the "guy that is willing to jump right into it with you."

 

Zack.

[Censored]

Yeah, I know this is sort or a "rule" but I can't warm up to it at all.

 

It might work with some guys who enjoy the "chase" but in the end, would you really want to be with someone you had to "trick" into being attracted to you? Wouldn't you rather know how attracted a guy IS to you instead of how attracted you can MAKE him be temporarily? It's an interesting game to get dates, but not a good start to a real relationship. Hold out for the "guy that is willing to jump right into it with you."

 

Zack.

 

I agree with Zack on all counts with his response.

[love4life]

Yeah, I know this is sort or a "rule" but I can't warm up to it at all.

 

It might work with some guys who enjoy the "chase" but in the end, would you really want to be with someone you had to "trick" into being attracted to you? Wouldn't you rather know how attracted a guy IS to you instead of how attracted you can MAKE him be temporarily? It's an interesting game to get dates, but not a good start to a real relationship. Hold out for the "guy that is willing to jump right into it with you."

 

Zack.

 

Agreed. The problem with guys who want the chase is that once they get you hooked, their interest wanes.

[skyblue1]

I do play it cool though. I told the guy who wanted to meet me last week that i would be busy and ok for next week.

[wiser]

I do play it cool though. I told the guy who wanted to meet me last week that i would be busy and ok for next week.

 

 

So playing the game doesnt work, you've gotten some good advice about not playing the game at all, I dunno. Just keep on trucking. There are guys out there for you. Patience.

[bulletproof]

First, try not to say you have 'bad luck' or are 'cursed'. There is no such thing as either and the more you speak it and write it the more your mind will believe it.

 

Secondly, maybe you should forget speeddating and gas station encounters and try to find activities that you genuinely like to do that will allow you to meet people. What are you interested in that you could pursue?

[Batya33]

i agree wholeheartedly with the previous poster and think you are being impatient. I often met men who didn't follow through, who were unreliable, who didn't ask me out on a second date - so what? It's part of dating - you will meet people you are not that into and vice versa. Also, I have to say that based on your behavior you described in your other thread I wouldn't be surprised if you are coming accross as needy even if you don't mean to - that was only a few weeks ago and your lack of self-esteem seemed to be at a scarily low level given how much risk you put yourself at.

 

You are not cursed in the least but you need to pay attention to any sabotaging/destructive behaviors you are choosing.

[skyblue1]

First, try not to say you have 'bad luck' or are 'cursed'. There is no such thing as either and the more you speak it and write it the more your mind will believe it.

 

Secondly, maybe you should forget speeddating and gas station encounters and try to find activities that you genuinely like to do that will allow you to meet people. What are you interested in that you could pursue?

 

Was thinking of getting into to singing again and maybe dance classes. Sure it would be no problem to get over these guys it's just i feel i'm stuck in the same old pattern - i meet a guy then it messes up

[Batya33]

"it" doesn't mess up. There's nothing messed up about meeting a guy who decides he doesn't want to go on a date with you - that frees you to meet someone who does. There was no "it" to mess up in the first place because it's just someone you just met. You can mess up by behaving as you did in the other thread you posted- but that's not "it" that's "you" and it's easy to make a different choice as long as you have reasonable self esteem.

 

the singing and music/dance activities are a great idea!

[JadedStar]

You are not cursed. It's just that the men who are real keepers are normally in relationships already. LOL Those who are in between relationships are either healing and not getting out as much or just not in your range at the right time and place.

 

But you are at a good age to find a single guy who just hasn't found the right girl yet but you have to be patient. Not every prospect will turn out. If he were so punctual and reliable he'd in high probability already be dating. ;-)

 

It's kind of like highly sought out tickets to an event suddenly become available when it's been sold out. They are snatched up pretty quickly.

[skyblue1]

"it" doesn't mess up. There's nothing messed up about meeting a guy who decides he doesn't want to go on a date with you - that frees you to meet someone who does. There was no "it" to mess up in the first place because it's just someone you just met. You can mess up by behaving as you did in the other thread you posted- but that's not "it" that's "you" and it's easy to make a different choice as long as you have reasonable self esteem.

 

the singing and music/dance activities are a great idea!

 

I'm just suck and tired of men approaching me then contacting me then they don't want to meet again. Why the hell do they bother? Batya i understand what your saying but if i'm always getting this it will bring me down and make me feel like crap. If it was a few guys i wouldn't be so down. honest it's more than a few. Well it doesn;t mean i'm going to be doing the same mistake as i did before. I haven't even kissed with these guys

[JadedStar]

Think about how you approach these guys or get approached. Then try to think of any common denominator and perhaps you'll find you are unknowingly either attracted to guys who have signs of instability or maybe your approach attracts this kind of guy.

 

if it has happened with LOTS of guys, start looking at what you are putting out there. Maybe your approach needs to be modified, or the types of men you are attracted to are just not the responsible type. If it were here and there i'd say that is just how the odds fall but if it happens a lot and and pretty much everytime, well, the common denominator here might be you. Not as in you are flawed but in your approach or who you are trying to attract.

 

Edited to add: I just read batya's post about your other thread so maybe my thoughts on this are correct and it is something in your approach. haven't seen your other thread.

[wiser]

I'm just suck and tired of men approaching me then contacting me then they don't want to meet again.

 

If it was a few guys i wouldn't be so down. honest it's more than a few. Well it doesn;t mean i'm going to be doing the same mistake as i did before. I haven't even kissed with these guys

 

Honey if they are meeting you once, and you arent hearing from them again, and this happens even if you act like you are busy, and not giving them sex, then there's another problem.

 

Do you have interesting conversations? Any personal hygiene problems? Are you really getting into some personal issues that might be scaring them away? I dunno, just making some wild guesses here. Something is up.

[skyblue1]

Honey if they are meeting you once, and you arent hearing from them again, and this happens even if you act like you are busy, and not giving them sex, then there's another problem.

 

Do you have interesting conversations? Any personal hygiene problems? Are you really getting into some personal issues that might be scaring them away? I dunno, just making some wild guesses here. Something is up.

 

I tend to find out more about the person by asking usual questions and no i'm very clean. I tend not to speak about personal issues much like ex. I'm just me.

[wiser]

I tend to find out more about the person by asking usual questions and no i'm very clean. I tend not to speak about personal issues much like ex. I'm just me.

 

Then I got nothing.

 

You meet a guy once, and you don't hear from him again. You dont always give up sex so fast, you are a good conversationalist, you're clean, and you have tried "playing the game".

 

Maybe it's just bad luck.

[skyblue1]

yep i think so

[JadedStar]

IT's not bad luck. It is who you are approaching IMO and expecting too much from someone you barely know. Perhaps you come on too strong? It is sexist but most guys are more comfortable with women who have a less assertive approach. Sexist, but reality. And if you are exchanging numbers often with guys you just met that is kind of on the assertive side. Do they always ask you first, or do you offer it?

[skyblue1]

IT's not bad luck. It is who you are approaching IMO and expecting too much from someone you barely know. Perhaps you come on too strong? It is sexist but most guys are more comfortable with women who have a less assertive approach. Sexist, but reality. And if you are exchanging numbers often with guys you just met that is kind of on the assertive side. Do they always ask you first, or do you offer it?

 

I get approached and if i like the guy thats when i give my number. I might flirt with a guy i like too, you know smiling and eye contact.

[JadedStar]

Well then for starters one very EASY change you can make to your approach is stop giving them your number!

 

Let them ask you for your number.

 

Most guys do not like this level of forwardness. Again, some may scream this is sexist but in most cases it IS reality.

 

You give them your number - so how do you know they really wanted it and are not taking it to just be nice??? LET THEM ASK YOU for your number.

 

I am 41 years old and never gave my number to a random stranger in my life and ironically have not encountered many guys (i have encountered them, but didn't want or expect to hear from them because i was not offering my number) like you are encountering....not as a dating prospect anyway.

[skyblue1]

But they do ask for my number. I don't ask for their number.

[_Tiki_]

It'll happen. Just a matter of time. Don't focus too much on love right now. Just enjoy life.

[JadedStar]

But they do ask for my number. I don't ask for their number.

 

Ok. this sounded like you give it to them first I get approached and if i like the guy thats when i give my number