Such a long day!

[Gracelove]

 

 

It was a really long day today. I was tired for some reason.

 

Okay, you know that I was talking to a married man for a couple of weeks. After talking to a friend, and getting advice from e not alone, I decided that I'd be more comfortable if we were just friends.

 

So I was really excited about it, because he was really nice and seemed comfortable with it.

 

I don't know if our relationship/friendship would be classified as a "cyber relationship", or not.

 

We spoke on the phone, but we've never seen each other.

 

Anyway, we haven't spoken at all lately, and I get the feeling that we won't be talking anymore.

 

And it makes me feel sad.

 

I really thought I had made such a good friend. I kind of wish he would have just told me that he wasn't interested in being friends anymore. But I can understand that he didn't.

 

It just hurts because I consider myself to be pretty guarded. But somehow he got past all of my walls. I don't even know how he managed to do that.

 

Anywho, I feel foolish.

 

And I don't know what to do. Because deep down inside I really want to trust people. Although I know that it won't always be that easy.

 

And even with him, I felt conflicted on the trust issue. But when we talked on the phone, all of that went away. I felt comfortable and happy, and I really liked him.

 

The worst part is that I called him at work today. And someone who sounds almost exactly like him, told me that he wasn't there.

 

Sooooo, LOL! What can I say about that?

 

It was fun having someone to talk to, and he seemed so very sweet.

 

I don't know, what does that mean? Does it mean that I'm not guarded enough? I must be doing something wrong.

 

I just feel slightly confused. Ya, I guess that's about it.

 

But work was exhausting today also. There were some high points. I saw a childhood friend, so that was tons of fun.

 

But overall the day seemed to drag.

 

Anywho, thanks for listening as always.

 

Off to bed I go.

[carriebradshawny]

First off he's married. So either he was feeling guilty or not right in this relationship or his wife does not want him to continue to be friends with him.

 

I suspect you felt comfortable with him because he was safe. It's sad when friendships end but its a fact of life. Also I find that starting cyber relationships be it friends or more one has to be extremely careful. Anyone can portray themselves to be whatever they want, even if it is so far removed from who they really are. I think if you have a hard time trusting people that cyber relationships are not the first route you should take. I would suggest join groups with people whom share the same interests as you or volunteering for a cause near and dear to your heart. This is where you have a much higher chance of gaining a true friend. Or at least you can actually see how they conduct their life.

[Gracelove]

Hey There CarrieBradshawNY !!!

 

Thanks for the response. Ya, at first I didn't take it at all seriously. And I felt really safe behind my computer you know?

 

After he responded to almost everyone of my posts, I reached out to him one night when I was really down and depressed, and he was there to support me.

 

Anywho, we started sending messages back and forth. And I really started to like this person, but I was still trying to be realistic about it.

I knew I could be talking to an older woman in actuality, because it's the internet.

 

Anywho, things he told me seemed to match up with other things he told me. Then when we spoke on the phone, I realized he was really a man, LOL!

 

So I guess, I gradually became really trusting.

 

It would be a good idea to make close friends in a place where I work or volunteer.

 

I've made friends at my new job, but they are all women.

 

I don't feel comfortable around men in person. I just don't. I feel untrusting. I've been stalked, so that's always a concern. I've been raped, and I've recently been dumped by my fiance. He was my best friend, and I trusted him so much. I really loved him.

 

So I really have some major man issues. And I really want to get over them, but I don't know how.