Feeling unsupported and that I can't communicate with my bf

[jen_l]

Last weekend my boyfriend and i had an argument, but we made up, even though we both knew it would take a bit of time to get over it. i was unhappy about something that had happened. and he was unhappy i even raised the issue. that's the way it goes with us. the only reason we make up after arguments is because i give in, make peace, and push aside my feelings.

 

Anyway we spoke during the week about Wednesday. I had an important exam on friday (studying a masters degree). Anyway I didn't hear from my boyfriend to wish me good luck at all. not a call not a text not anything. I am devastated but the exact same thing has happened before and I expressed to him at that time then i felt unsupported and i really needed his support with my studies - but it has happened again.

 

i accidentally texted him yesterday, he wrote back to me and i said sorry wrong person, then he asked how my exam was, i replied normally, then i got another text saying 'let me guess you're pissed off with me again'. i didn't reply. then later he texted again and said 'i'll take that as yes' i wrote back and said 'sorry? as if i didn't know what he meant' and let him know i was heading out for dinner. anyway he rang just now, asked me what i'd been up to, i told him, said what i'm up to now and mentioned i was studying, and he said ok i'll leave you to it. and i said ok no problems and we ended our conversation.

 

The issue is that i am really struggling because when i needed his support, even when we had argued, he couldn't give it to me. this was a week i just needed him to stand up, push our differences aside, and show he cared for me. i dont feel our relationship is 50 50 or give and take and i've expressed this to him before.

 

so the last thing was that short phone conversation? can someone tell me the best way to go now? leave him alone, phone him, what? i just want to know what would be the most wise next step? i am normally one to chase after him and make things ok between us again, and as much as i am hurting and know that he is because of last weekend and just want to fix things, something tells me i shouldn't do it this time.

[Konfetkette]

I'm sorry but a guy who doesn't listen and makes you take the blame isn't worth it. I've been through this too and it didn't last. Your emotions will just build up and blow up.

You have that little voice telling you exactly what to do but your heart prevents it.... Well, listen to that voice! It's always right!

[jen_l]

thanks Konfetkette what do you think i should do for a next step though? nothing perhaps?

[Meckele]

I understand how frustrating it is when you really care about something and your bf does not try to help you out with this. It seems to me that your bf did not wish you good luck on purpose: "let me guess you're pissed off with me again".

 

You know best, but he might have done so because he does not want to feel like he obeys you. He might also be genuinely self-centered, or want to get all he can from you. This same behaviour is also reflected in his attitude to never give in.

 

I think you should remind him that a relationship is two-sided. Don't do it harshly or resently, but make it clear that you are done giving in until he does so himself. Take advantage of the time you are not giving in to resource yourself - feeling devastated never helps.

 

Nevertheless, I have also gone through trouble with my bf during exams, and I can tell that in all difficult situations the person you should first rely on for some strength is yourself.

 

All the best,

 

Meckele