Thinking about the past and wanting to break NC

[faith_8]

So, I was doing pretty good with this NC rule up until lastnite .

 

I really want to know if he's speaking to someone else now.

 

I remember seeing a few female names on a few text messages on his phone weeks prior to the break up and would like to find out who they were. I had asked him if he was trying to see or talk to other girls and he said no, but I don't believe it now. It would help me move on to know if he is. There is this one name in particular that keeps popping up in my head. The text he sent had read "i'm at Aysas's house"

 

Can I call him and ask these questions to ease my mind? Don't I have a right to know after 8 yrs together? How would he take this?

[Kiwi_Sweet]

I think you have the right to know? Would it be a good idea to call him and pound it out of him? No...It would be a waste of your time. You guys aren't even in a relationship anymore, and I doubt he'll be honest.

 

Just take this NC as closure. If he hasn't contacted you, then there's your answer. I don't think calling him and accusing him of "cheating" while in the relationship will do you any good. It's not like you can "re-breakup" w/ him. Besides, if he does tell you about this other girl(s), it will only hurt you, and you won't really gain anything from that piece of information. S0, take this NC serious, and let him go.

 

Best,

 

 

Fruitylips1

[Up and Down]

To be honest it won't do anything but bring more questions and even if he says no that he isn't involved with one of those women are you going to believe him.

 

Sometimes we really are our own worst enemy...suppose he tells you yes, what does that accomplish? Stick to NC.

[danlc95]

I wouldn't do anything that would put pressure on him. Sit tight for a while.

 

I believe that many who stray from their relationships, already hae someone in place before the "end" of their committed one.

 

If he is seeing someone he may need to see it through. Like everyone says, just give some time, and space.

 

I hear conflicting reports on total no contact, and limited contact. I guess if there is to be any contact, it has to be at a time where you are strong enough to handle hearing about someone else, which is where no contact comes into play. It is during this time you make yourself a stronger person, and "focus on yourself". It is wise advice, and is working for me.

 

Give it some time, and talk to him when you are at a point where you are in total control of your emotions, because your emotions will kill you if you are trying to get him back.

 

Then call, and ask how he's doing.

 

Whatever you do DO NOT be suspicious, or accusitory, you do not want a conflict.

[faith_8]

Thank you. Your right. You guys are all right. I have these lapses of insanity every now and then and need you guys to knock some sense into me every now and then. My emotions have been all over the map and I feel like I'm spinning out of this world at times.

 

The people on this forum are so supportive and helpful that I come here to post when I'm most heated and confused....which as you can see have mostly been in the early mornings. Mornings are gut wrenching.

 

I'm not going to call. I'll sit back and wait it out and give it time. I am trying to keep busy and work on myself. I am working towards my teachers certificate, but classes don't start until end of January. I wish they'd start sooner so I can focus my energy on that. In the meantime...its gonna be tough.

[bustertypsy]

Faith,so sorry,you may have a right,but if he was doing things behind your back,then,do you really want to know the gory details? All that will do is send you into a spiral of despair.You two are finished with each other.In your heart you know why.

If it transpired that it was another woman and you didn't know,is it worth finding out,now??

A cheat does not deserve to be thought about.I know you shared a long time with him,but can you ever see yourself back with him if he was this cruel?

I don't think you'd stay with him for long.Once a cheat,always a cheat.

Give yourself time to grieve,pick yourself up and slowly look forward to a new,better life.It will be better,I promise you.

[lost_for_words]

DON'T DO IT!!

 

I just had a moment of madness and sent him a text.....and now I feel worse. Its bought all those feelings flooding back, and although I hadn't cried for 3 days over him I am now.

 

I wanted to get a glimmer of hope that he wasn't happy without me, that maybe he thought he'd made a mistake. The answer I got was that he's doing very well, and he's happy.

 

I'm such a fool

[LilBear]

DON'T DO IT!!

 

I just had a moment of madness and sent him a text.....and now I feel worse. Its bought all those feelings flooding back, and although I hadn't cried for 3 days over him I am now.

 

I wanted to get a glimmer of hope that he wasn't happy without me, that maybe he thought he'd made a mistake. The answer I got was that he's doing very well, and he's happy.

 

I'm such a fool

 

I totally agree...broke NC and realized he's happier without me...felt even more crappier than before !

[delerium6]

The people on this forum are so supportive and helpful that I come here to post when I'm most heated and confused....which as you can see have mostly been in the early mornings. Mornings are gut wrenching.

 

Yep, worst times for me is the hour when I first wake up, and late in the evening. Mid-days are usually the 'best' (relatively speaking) time of day. Especially at work, where there are distractions to help keep my mind off her.

 

Never knew I'd look forward to going to work...

[Calilove]

I completely agree with this!!!!

[programmer]

Yep, worst times for me is the hour when I first wake up, and late in the evening. Mid-days are usually the 'best' (relatively speaking) time of day. Especially at work, where there are distractions to help keep my mind off her.

 

Never knew I'd look forward to going to work...

 

Lol, the same her man. I've been enjoying work, even though it is not so exciting, but you get distracted to think about her.

[austin36]

Check out my thread and let me know.. I feel like calling her Today but I know I can't.

 

[itsjustisnt]

That information would not be helpful. To know causes more questions.

[austin36]

Is it better to call her and try to get closure or just let it go? I know that if she tells me it's done then I will hurt more than ever but maybe it will help me move on. The last couple of times I've asked her to tell me it's done she says that she can't do that. I feel like I'm in limbo and I don't know whether I need to try to get out there and date or wait? She could just be stringing me along until she figures out if she really likes this imaginary person that I'm making up. It's just happened to me before where my ex already had a guy out there.

[Aday5578]

closure is for you, you have to do what you feel is best. BUT you have to be able to live with whatever the outcome is.....i have broken NC many times but i wouldnt change anything....that was my closure, he never responded and that is ok, his silence spoke a millions..good luck email me again if you need anything

[faith_8]

closure is for you, you have to do what you feel is best. BUT you have to be able to live with whatever the outcome is.....i have broken NC many times but i wouldnt change anything....that was my closure, he never responded and that is ok, his silence spoke a millions..good luck email me again if you need anything

 

You make a great point. Sometimes you just have to break nc to help with closure. I'm planning on calling my ex in two months if he doesn't call me before that. I know that if he doesn't call me in two months then it really says something....it says that he's really trying to let go of us.

 

I know he is curious to know my whearabouts. I just moved into a new place with my best friend, and I've started a new job and got school starting in a couple of months. I still have things at his place, but I don't want to make that an excuse to go over there. I'm actually really not ready to talk to him. I love him still and would like nothing more than to see his face or hear his voice, but it would just hurt too much if I wasn't received well. The break up was just too recent for us to speak again. We just need time for the incident to fade a little....

[austin36]

Well last night I got closure... To make another long story short... I said that I can't keep hurting and if what we had is worth working on. She said no.. not any time soon and that she just wanted to be "Her" for a while so I said then I have to move on and we have to date other people. That was pretty much it... I said goodbye and see you in 2 yrs maybe.. She said "isn't that a bit drastic" and I said no that I can't keep being jerked around. She immediately called back but I ignored it. Starting a very long NC on my part. I think I can stick to NC. I'm tired of hurting. I don't do the friend thing very well.. I'm not going to be hurting for 2 more months through xmas only to find out that she's been banging some other guy the whole time.

[austin36]

Faith and Aday... keep checking this thread and I'll keep you posted on my progress. I would like to know how you're doing too... It helps having this forum.. We could even chat through other email if you want.

[faith_8]

Faith and Aday... keep checking this thread and I'll keep you posted on my progress. I would like to know how you're doing too... It helps having this forum.. We could even chat through other email if you want.

 

ahhh! Ausitin36...did you send me a private message? I had pop up blocker and when I went to remove it, the window was gone. Sorry!

 

But yes, definitely keep ya'll up dated and I'd like to hear of your progress as well.

 

PS: Today it is raining here. Makes me feel worse that the outside is reflecting how I feel in the inside.

[austin36]

I like rainy days because I associate that with just staying in and watching movies. It's the nice days that use to kill me because I thought she was out there enjoying the weather with someone else. It's twisted, I know but oh well. Buy some totes and throw all your summer clothes in there to keep you busy or email me. I'll listen.