Jump to content

Nighttime ponderings

Recommended Posts

I miss him, this is true. And maybe it is because this evening I was actually busy right up until now...10:40 at night, but I am sitting here looking at my Christmas tree and a part of me wonders if he is thinking of me and yes I know that is wishful thinking. But another part of me just hopes he is happy wherever he is. I really can not do this to myself anymore. Seriously i need to snap back into reality. I said it once and twice and three, four, five times, but I dont think i necessarily miss him, but I miss the comfort of having him. Because how can you really miss somebody who is so negative and mean and hurtful towards you? I dont know, I just remember what he was in the beginning and that is the man i miss, he was long gone before the realtionship was over, the person i had for the last 6 months of the realtionship, I dont miss him at all.


I was sitting at my desk this afternoon and staring out the window, and my thoughts went to him and my eyes welled up, then my thoughts changed to my nephew dying, and how my ex walked out on me. And I remember standing there in my hallway thinking to myself "This is a bad dream..he cant really be leaving me!!!" He left and i sat on my couch and cried for hours, i dont think i cried for him as much as I cried for my nephew, but i resent my ex...he should have been there for me....but what is the use in complaining, wont do any good, whats done is done and I really need to move on. Day by day, little by little....I can honestly say i am a lot better now than I was. i must be in that acceptance phase, or right on the outside about to enter. I will pick myself up and dust off and try again. There is somebody out there for me wheter i meet him tomorrow next month, next year or in years to come. Somebody will accecpt me, my son and my crazy ways..lol i believe in love, that is one thing he didnt kill inside of me, i believe there are happy, loving relationships in tis world......i have hope.

Link to comment

u have mixed feelings but i do understand... first impression last a long time but it doesnt heal hurt. he should have been there for u in a crutial time when we all need a shoulder to lean on. Look life is about pain and so i s love. Love in fact is pain. we cant tell our heart who to love we just do. sometimes love binds to who the person is and somtimes ppl never let go especially if they never move on it is important to weight the situation. But remember u are important and worthy of love and all tho time doesnt heal heartbreak remember u will find someone some day that loves u in every way so stay strong and love will come our way in a strange way but u will be happi and u will move on

Link to comment

Ah, been there, done that and got the frikkin' crying towel.


What is it in us when we know better, when we know they aren't the people we thought they were. Hell, we could have been better too or at least we aren't the people we thought we were.


Anyway, I KNOW we weren't gonna be good together and I don't wanna do CRAP right now. She did the right thing by leavig, even though she did it for the wrong reasons, did it cowardly and should have spoken to me about it.


I just CANNOT get here out of my head. So, WHY do we do this.


The sadness makes us still feel close to them. It is all we have left. It also allows us to feel a little unworthy....at least it did for me...and sometimes we want to feel that we are not worthy, then it is easier. Then I can hide...

Link to comment

Alexia....yes of course one the "honeymoon" phase was over and his true colors shown through, ti was a little too late. I kept saying "the old him will come back, any day now...." that 2 years later when he left i realized THAT was the real him. I am not saying I was an angel..I have my faults also ( i know hard to believe...LOL) But thanks..one day when i least expect it i hope I meet somebody..i know it will.




N2B...i understand what you are saying but everyday i wonder why i mourn the loss of him, you dont understand when i say I can stand on the outside and look in and see how bad he was to me, seriously i should be knocked upside my head for ever staying, thats why i wonder if i just miss the companionship. i miss somebody caring where i am going oafter work, or calling me just to say hey. BUT I can say my sister knows what i am going through so she makes an extra effort to call and text me....without her and ENA i might still be in my funk.....but I am slowly moving out of it. Plus i am meeting great people!!!!!

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...