I am badly in need of some advice!!

[shy_gal200]

Hello all!! I have posted a few times on here and I am having a hard time dealing with something in my life at this moment!! I am currently pregnant and due in less then three weeks, I am also in the proces of a divorce, I actually go to court in less then a week. My husband wants to work things out, we have agreed that we are still getting a divorce but he wants to work things out. I have told him that I need to do some thinking about the whole situation, he left in the beginning and there are a lot of issues that we have delt with. I am not going to get in great detail because I have done that in the past and not gotten very many replies!! I am really needing some advice here, like I said I am due to have our baby in less then three weeks and I love my husband and I really do want to work things out, I believe that we can do it if we both want the same things!! He has told me that he is willing to go to counseling or whatever it takes, I think he has a big problem with relationships, he has three other kids and has never been there for the birth of any of them!! I want him to be there for our baby to born, I think that will maybe help him in a way with dealing with a lot of things that he has delt with in the past. I also want us to be a family again, I have a son from a previous relationship and I pretty much did it all by myself, I was by myself when I had him and I have been on my own ever since, well until me and my husband got married! So when I first found out I was pregnant, I was so thrilled, thrilled to have a baby with my HUSBAND and we were going to be a happy family, then about two months ago my husband left because he said he was unhappy, he since then has called and told me that things weren't as bad as he thought, and he missed me, missed coming home to me, missed just the small things like......sitting at home watching tv with me and my son. So anyways, like I said I really want things to work out, but I don't want to be the only one that is trying to work things out, I want HIM to understand that I have been here through all of this, all the stress that I went through when he left, the heartache, all of that. I am sure he had his moments where he was upset too, but he never really showed any emotions towards me in all of this til now. I don't want to put my whole emotions back into this relationship just so I can get hurt again, but I do want him back, I just don't want to sound or act totally desprate, if that makes sense! So if anyone has any advice, please please send it my way!! Thanks!

[enadevoli]

if you both want to try, you should go for it. if you dont at least try, you will be asking yourself what would have happened if you did. the fact that he has never been to any of his children's births does make it seem like he has a problem with relationships, but it seems like he wants to be there for his baby with you this time & wants to try to work things out this time. make sure he knows that he needs to be trying as well & not just have you making all the effort because thats not the way relationships work.

[SheHazCatEyez]

I know it's hard for you going through so much right now at the same time. But it seems your husband dosen't have a problem handling relationships,seems the problem is handling responsibilities.As your about to have a child you may learn your husband is still acting like one himself.As you stated he has 3 others who he hasnt really been a father to and now he knows he's now married to the woman whos carrying his unborn child and will be living in the same household as this child,were he will be needed and expected to be there,take responsibilty and that could be to much for him when he's never really had that kind of responsibilty before.So,he could be running from the marriage because of the commitment to be a father.thereforeeee, he could be afraid of failure or he is just not ready for it.You need to let him know that regardless if the two of u stay 2gether or not that you want him to be a part of this childs life.Let him know he needs to step up to the plate because behind him is a woman and a child who love him very much.I posted a little of advice on divorce If you would like to read it,here it is again.

 

you can close your eyes to the things you dont wont to see,but you cant close your heart to the things you dont wont to feel

A divorce is like a new house that you've worked so hard to build with so much time,effort,thought,and care invested in it,then having a tornado come and destroy it.So you can either wait for someone else to come along with the bulldozer to haul off the remaining pieces so you can start over with a fresh new design OR you can pick up the remaining pieces,start rebuilding by hand and make sure you build a more solid foundation and disaster proof it as much as possible this time around.Divorce is a hard thing for anyone involved,but staying were your not happy is gonna be the hardest in the long run.So whichever you choose(packing up and walking out to move on) and saying "Here comes to the rest of my life" or (staying in it when u are unhappy),then your gonna be stuck saying "There goes my life". But,you got to think what makes you happy,what you want in the future,and if you don't see a lasting marriage in it,then by no means get out.Quit postering the idea or bickering about how unhappy you are and do something about it,cause no one can make that decision but you.Only you know what it's gonna take to make you happy.Yes,some have children involved and that makes things even harder. Though,we always try to put our kids best interests first.Does there best interest include a household environment thats full of fussing,arguing, tension,ect ?.I don't think any child would choose that environment, Because when they see this it's even worse on them than having 2 divorced parents.But I can tell you this..Women usually tend to stay in the marriage because they've become so dependent on there husbands that they feel they cant make it on there own and have lost there confidence to be independent.So,some men take that as a advantage.Because,when they know this they tend to lack respect for there wives,which lead them to run over the woman knowing the wife won't leave.But,for men they tend to stay in the marriage for fear of loosing something(there assests,alimony,fear they won't be able to see there children,ect.And yes..women tend to use there kids as a leverage over there husbands knowing if they do that the husband wont leave.So the only solid advice I can offer is that if you do decide to divorce try your best to end it in a good way,on some sort of civilized level.So,if you really want to do whats best for the kids atleast do that and for those who choose not to divorce>I wish you the best and good luck on rebuilding that new house.(Remember it requires 2 hands to build it,so don't be afraid to let the other person know it needs there help to).

U know getting a divorce teaches you both new things and with what you've learned,you may find your way back to each other one day.Then again,a divorce can be just like a death in which you loose them forever.