Telling bf about therapy

[goonie]

How long do you wait to tell the guy you're dating that you're seeing a therapist, in order to avoid scaring him away? Do you wait?

[sweetharmony]

you let him know when you feel comfortable. I wouldn't tell him right away, though. let him get to know you first. maybe 2-3 months or even longer or shorter? it's really about you. If he is not understanding then you know he isn't the right one for you.

[keenan]

You tell him when you trust him, and when you know that he cares for you and wants the best for you. Being in therapy isn't a dark secret to be ashamed of--you're improving yourself! It's like going to the gym or eating right, only for your emotions and behavior instead of your body. If he's on the same wavelength as you and shares your values and goals, then you might feel comfortable telling him fairly soon. If he's not, then you might question whether he's the right person for you.

[demolition_lover88]

i agree with sweetharmony.

 

i dont think you should tell him straight away, but also if when you do tell him he reacts badly he isnt the right guy i'm afraid.

[tommy_bud]

This is gonna sound bad, but it seems to me that the majority of women I meet are insane (in fact I think all people are regardless of gender) and so if I found out the one I was dating was in therapy, I would be happy to know that she was trying to work on her issues, and also I would know she has insurance and/or can afford these sessions which means I won't be responsible for paving her way financially.

 

I also agree that you have to trust the person first, in case they end up being a bad person and telling other people stuff about you that you might not want them to know otherwise.

[lost_dreamer]

If he's right for you he will understand. Or at least try to. By this I mean he may not truly know what you're going through but if he offers support give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

Personally I would be happy if a girl took the initiative to seek help with a problem.

[Momene]

About the same time you tell a person you've been married before, been to prison, or any other "dark secrets" when you are going from dating to exclusive.

[WaterIsLife]

This can certainly be a touchy issue. Some people are completely fine with it since either they, or someone close to them, has seen a therapist in the past. But for others I think it still has negative connotations. I would definitely say its a case by case decision and really should be based on your comfort and wanting to open that part of you to this person.

[goonie]

So, I finally told my bf this morning. We have been dating for 8 months now, and I trust him, and know that we both really care for eachother. During that time I've been seeing my therapist, and on occasion have had to lie to my bf about where I was going to be. It had finally gotten to the point where I couldn't handle the guilt of lying to him. So he is supposed to leave tonight to go away for the weekend, but this morning he said that he wanted to hangout with me tonight and leave tomorrow. I told him that I wouldn't be able to hangout until later, and he asked why. So I said that I had a therapist appt. He said "can I ask, or should I let things lay", and I told him that he could ask me anything he wanted. He asked why I went....I told him that I just get stressed and am a bad communicator as he well knows, so therapy helps. I also said that it wasn't a big deal and that I wasn't crazy or anything, and hoped that he wouldn't think differently of me. He joked and said "well I'm big fat guy with gray hair, do you think differently of me" (he's really not and is so cute). So that was basically the end of the conversation, it wasn't as painful as I thought. I know that he's very open minded, so I would hope that he understands. I feel better having told him, but I'm just stressing out right now because I worried that maybe he's freaked out!

[goonie]

He's at work right now, do I IM him asking him if he's ok ....or do I just let it go and play it off likes it's no big deal, and wait to see if he brings it up?

[WaterIsLife]

Whether you IM him or not is up to you. Maybe this sort of conversation is better done in person though. I would recommend asking him later about his thoughts on it, after he's had time to process it. That could also be a good opportunity to tell him that you would he happy to talk and answer any questions he might have about everything.

 

I'm glad you finally told him!

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

This made me laugh because I don't even consider things like that. Whenever anything semi relevant to craziness/mental illness comes up, I'll easily mention my therapy/craziness/meds blah blah. Real people can take sickness and vulnerability. Bit of a wuss, he/she who is scared by human weakness..and ignorant, he/she who thinks therapist attending = a psycho. You don't want either an ignoramous or a wuss, right? Be you, and honest. The worthy won't be scared off.

[servedcold]

IMO, it depends on the seriousness of the emotional condition that led you to therapy, and how much it has affected your romantic relationships. If you have ever been institutionalized for any kind of emotional problem, this should be brought up sooner rather than later, and be prepared to explain how you have moved on from the experience in life.

 

If you are diagnosed with a personality disorder of some sort, you should disclose sooner rather than later, but ironically, the nature of true PDs almost always prevents this.

 

If your emotional issues have affected relationships in the past, definitely disclose sooner rather than later.

 

If you are merely in therapy because it is accepted in your microculture, or you are using it to get over a stressful event that is not endemic to your personality, there wouldn't be the need to disclose early IMO.

 

When the "exclusivity" talk comes up, IMO all emotional issues should be put on the table voluntarily.

 

Honestly, because you have lied to your BF about your whereabouts during therapy, it sounds like your issues may be deeper than just guidance type therapy. The lying is much more troublesome than the fact of therapy. Best wishes.