Frangipani Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 Found this in an old post. Originally Posted by dnozzle No contact allows you the time and space to heal, and detach from the situation. Once you have done that, you will see your relationship for what it was, a pack of lies and cheating. Once you have truly let go and analyzed this relationship, you won't want it back. It's kinda where I'm at now. In between still feeling a bit sad but also letting go of something that was obviously not right for me. I always wonder if there is some kind of chemical imbalance in your brain when you are grieving that makes you see things in a much more romatic light than it actually was at the time. NC and LC certainly helps you feel so much better about yourself. It's only when you start to let go that you see the faults and begin to get angry and think, 'Why the hell would I ever WANT them back after they did these things?' I wasn't really capable of seeing that before - but now I am. I'm not perfect either and the clarity that is slowly emerging out of the fog is also enabling me to see the mistakes I too made. Thought this might help a few people. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 Not necessarily, especially if you cared about someone and thought you were the one to make the mistakes that hastened the end of a relationship. When you know what you did wrong, you tend to self-blame. Link to comment
Chris777 Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 the fog is starting to clear for me aswell. as the days go by i am more certain that I dont want her back in my life. Its crazy how there are groups of us going thru these stages together. Link to comment
LilBear Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 It's hard of cos (4 days since break up) But I find each day getting easier to pass Link to comment
Ampire Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 the fog is starting to clear for me aswell. as the days go by i am more certain that I dont want her back in my life. Its crazy how there are groups of us going thru these stages together. ya, makes me feel kinda good as well, esspecially to know that you have someone like yourself in the same boat as me...starting to see the relationship for what it was and the amount I gave and got nothing in return. I see my own faults to but for all those times people told me she's no good for me and for all those times I was told I can do better I'm actually starting to see it and it feels good, I miss her very much but its getting easier... good post! and I agree with Lady D that the dumpee who got treated not so great is starting to see the bad in the relationship while the dumper will eventually see how good they had it (which will take much longer tho) and that is ofcourse if you really were good to them and they didn't dump you because you abused or cheated or anything like that... Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 sometimes dumpees never see the bad. Especially when they know that they are the ones that ruined everything. Link to comment
Frangipani Posted November 29, 2007 Author Share Posted November 29, 2007 ya, makes me feel kinda good as well, esspecially to know that you have someone like yourself in the same boat as me...starting to see the relationship for what it was and the amount I gave and got nothing in return. Yep, my ex even said that the day he broke it off with me, "You've given so much and I've given nothing for a long time." Same now with friendship. Hasn't really given me a thing. Thanks for your comments. It is good to share things we are experiencing in common. I guess I'm feeling lonely more than anything right now. Link to comment
Frangipani Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 I was just talking to a friend - her friend is just starting an 'official' relationship with the guy she has been FWB with for a baout a year. During that FWB time he slept with 2 other women and didn't tell her, one with whom he was sleeping with about as much as her, he lied to her and told her that he wasnt sleeping with his ex at all. She decided to end the FWB situation when she found out about the other women. Now he's begged her not to go and has offered to date her properly. WHY would you WANT this??? Hes already lied, cheated and been dishonest. Red flags all the way and yet she is excited about him wanting her properly now??? All this teaches him is that women will still want him, no matter how * * * * ty he is to them. I think the girl is crazy!!!! Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 Yep, my ex even said that the day he broke it off with me, "You've given so much and I've given nothing for a long time." I got the similar, "You deserve more than I can give you right now..." line from my ex. It really meant, "I have feelings for someone else that I met earlier this year, and I want to see where it goes... Even if it means throwing away almost 6 years of a mostly good/happy relationship because he's new/shiny/exciting." I won't "give" her anything ever again. I've been hanging out with a girl that gives me more than my ex ever did in our relationship, and she's just a friend. -Mike- Link to comment
Frangipani Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 Yeah. That's the thing isn't it. I really didn't give TOO much either, just what I would to anyone I loved and cared for. Not over the top at all. He stays friends with a non serious fling that called him 'f****** c-word, 'dont ever speak to me again', 'you are a total a-hole' via texts when she found out he was styaing in my city. He defends her all the time and stays her friend!!! Even after all that? All I did was love the guy and treat him well, even post breakup I haven't hassled him, harassed hi, constantly called, texted or anything and when we have seen one another I have been dignified and really nice - that was even when I bumped into him with another female. What IS it with people? I never in a million years thought he'd not want to be friends. Maybe I should have become a skank too and called him names ... (I have more class than that). Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 What IS it with people? Some people just don't deserve us... People like our ex's. -Mike- Link to comment
Frangipani Posted December 2, 2007 Author Share Posted December 2, 2007 You are right. They don't. Maybe they don't care anyway. Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 that orginally post by dnozzle is very true. once i letted go, and realize what it was worth then and now, i'm glad things are over. and its very true, i didn't want it back. =P Link to comment
Zeter Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 Found this in an old post. No contact allows you the time and space to heal, and detach from the situation. Once you have done that, you will see your relationship for what it was, a pack of lies and cheating. Once you have truly let go and analyzed this relationship, you won't want it back. ...It's only when you start to let go that you see the faults and begin to get angry and think, 'Why the hell would I ever WANT them back after they did these things?' Thought this might help a few people. Yes, it does, and it bears reminding, especially after I bumped in to the ex yesterday (ouch). Thank you. ...even post breakup I haven't hassled him, harassed hi, constantly called, texted or anything and when we have seen one another I have been dignified and really nice...I empathize totally. I wish there was an answer for us, but the love we created and then lost doesn't come with justice or logic. Hang in there. Remember that you're number one. And please continue to post, for my sake! Zeter Link to comment
Frangipani Posted December 2, 2007 Author Share Posted December 2, 2007 I'm slowly getting go. I guess I would like another shot - but now I'm feeling I don't NEED it, whereas before, I wanted it terribly. I no longer feel that yearning. If it was to happen, I'd deal with it at the time - but by then I don't know how I'd feel about it anyway. He dropped in to see me today which was unexpected and nice and he asked me to go out tomorrow night before he goes away OS for a month. Also nice, and I didn't have to ask or call. But yeah, I just treat like any other friend and there has been very little contact for 2 and half months. Link to comment
Aday5578 Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 I am glad i read this just now. Last night I broke down and sent a text....i knew and know i wont hear a peep from him. ALmost 3 months has gone by and I have tried to reach out before and each time get nothing. Dont really know why I did it. He has made it clear by never acknowledging me that he doesnt want me and to be honest why would i want him after the way he treated me? I cant believe i broke NC...i could kick myself!!!!! Link to comment
Frangipani Posted December 2, 2007 Author Share Posted December 2, 2007 Don't beat yourself up sweetie. Just don't do it again. The times I have contacted my ex since my NC ended via text (3 times only since Novemer 1) have been very unemotional, short, humorous and non demanding or confrontational. And one was a birthday wish. That's the key to LC - if you get to that point. If he's not acknowledging you - I'd leave it be. I've only ever not had a response to a text once, and I just left it and said to myself, "stuff ya then" and decided I wouldn't text or contact him unless he initiated it first any more - thus today was nice, but it was only because he was in the area anyway. I refuse to chase and will not. As far as I'm concerned he needs to earn my friendship back... If he didn't contact me at all or acknowledge me since the break up, I'd not be contacting him at all. Can't be bothered. Be strong. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 Being strong is not an easy thing to do, especially if you still have feelings for the other person. I know that from experience. Link to comment
Frangipani Posted December 2, 2007 Author Share Posted December 2, 2007 Of course it's hard. I still have feelings for my current ex. But I can only control the controlables - the contolables being my actions. I've been to hell and back with relationships in my time. My ex-ex (whom I was with for 4 years and had a house with and loved dearly) is engaged to his previous girlfriend before me!! That hurt to find that out, even though we've been apart for 2 years. No one said it was easy RW, but there is nothing else I can do with the current ex but be strong, to help myself heal and move forward. Link to comment
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