haha the tides have turned!

[Reddy]

wow this is great - i feel fantastic! i just got back from therapy and we figured out something that has me feeling great.

 

ya know how i checked her myspace and was all sad that she removed me from her #1 spot? well heres the thing - why did she wait until NOW to do it? I gave her EVERY reason to do it before back when I handled this whole breakup like an idiot, yet she never did. Lately, I've done nothing to deserve it because I've done just that - NOTHING. As far as she knows I'm doing great because that's the image i'm showing her. (well, and also because I AM doing great!) Anyway, so that isolated incident had me a bit down, but THEN....

 

today after class 2 of my best buds went to get lunch and like 20 minutes later my ex shows up and - wait for it - sits down with us. I'm thinking, hmmm, this doesn't make sense... take me off your top friends and then sit next to me at lunch??? Well it all becomes clear after a bit. Right after she sits down she asks my two friends if she can go over to their place thursday or friday and show them her audition (we've got auditions for the musical saturday) and get their feedback.

 

Now, this is something she always did WITH ME before, because A) i was her boyfriend and B) because i'm pretty much the it guy on campus when it comes to singing and music (sorry to toot my own horn, but i feel like i've earned the right after feeling like for so long!). Ok, so there are two subcomponents here:

 

1) i offered to still help her with her audition stuff like a week or two into the breakup and she refused, meaning she probably still thinks i'd help her out if she asked

 

2) she COULD have asked them if she could come over at ANY TIME because she sees them a lot, but she asked when I was sitting right there... convenient.

 

So what i realized, is that since I haven't shown her that i still need her/am attached/am pathetic in so long - she's trying to manipulate me into reacting to something. She's too proud to straight up ask me for my help but she figures if she dangles it out in front of me that i'll bite and offer to help her myself. couple this with her taking me off her top friends and i think she's trying to see if i still care. She's TRYING to get a reaction out of me and she's playing games.

 

What's awesome about all this is that I DONT CARE!!!! I'm not going to bend and break my back for her. I'm NOT gonna give her what she wants. I'm gonna keep on doing what I'm doing and rocking at life. Let her try and manipulate me - it aint gonna work!!!

 

God it feels so good to finally have power over the situation. I'M the one with the power now because it's up to ME whether i give in and up to ME whether i help her. Cuz lord knows if i offered she'd let me help her because that's how badly she wants this part. Sorry, hun, I'm not gonna let you use me like that.

 

I SO hope she doesn't get the part. That'd be the ultimate revenge right now... then maybe she'll regret not asking ME.

 

Sorry this is so long, but WHOO DO I FEEL GOOD!

[CarnelianButterfly]

I'm sorry to say, but if you really didn't care, then you wouldn't be seeing schemes and checking her myspace page.

 

This really seems like you trying to feel you have control of things and cause her pain, that's not disinterest, that very much involved still.

[Reddy]

oh yeah the myspace thing last night was a mistake - i grant you. i was feeling down at that point. and yes, of course i still care SOMEWHAT - but significantly less than i did before and have for the last few months.

 

this new indifference has come in the last 12 hours or so - obviously i'll probably relapse some but it's progress nonetheless.

 

it's just nice to even FEEL like i have the power back over my life. cuz i figure if i feel like i do soon enough i actually will.

[Entropy Smith]

Congratulations! You have earned the medal of honor of relationships. All your relationships will be much improved from here on in. This is actually an easy concept to grasp but most guys aren't in control of their emotional state so very difficult to apply. You didn't play the game and thats the power move.

 

Relapses happen...but you have taken a titanic leap...do something to reward yourself!

[sbux_addict]

Great job!

 

Of course relapses are normal, it's part of the healing process, but you've been empowered by your awareness that you CAN control things, so, you are heading the right direction!

 

Let us know how it goes.

 

Take care!

[need2bme]

I'm sorry to say, but if you really didn't care, then you wouldn't be seeing schemes and checking her myspace page.

 

This really seems like you trying to feel you have control of things and cause her pain, that's not disinterest, that very much involved still.

 

I have to agree here.

 

I wanted so much to have a "neener neener" moment with the ex, but that would be payback, not love. Sure I miss her terribly, but I don't want to scheme to cause her any pain.

 

In fact, if being back with her ex (and I don't know if she is or not), helps her and is better for the kids, then I hope it happens (but only if they are seeking counseling, etc.).

 

We have to want the best for them, then we truly love them.

[majord23]

I'm with a few others here.

You have every reason to feel happy and elated...but don't kid yourself into thinking that it's because you are 'indifferent' or that you 'don't care'.

 

You care, and care alot...you simply feel as though you have the upperhand and some 'power' over her now. Yes, that feels great....but don't mistake it for moving on.

[beebee]

lol... i love to hear good news... good for you!... keep it up and hugs from me on your efforts...

 

one thing though... i know that there is a "tracking" thingie for myspace that allows people to see who has visited their site... beware... she may have that and your checking may have given her a heads up that you are still curious about her... just a thought...

 

hugs... beebee

[Reddy]

I'm with a few others here.

You have every reason to feel happy and elated...but don't kid yourself into thinking that it's because you are 'indifferent' or that you 'don't care'.

 

You care, and care alot...you simply feel as though you have the upperhand and some 'power' over her now. Yes, that feels great....but don't mistake it for moving on.

 

guys, i know. i'm not kidding myself into thinking it REALLY dont care. i know i still care. what i dont care about is RESPONDING to her games. I'm not gonna give in this time like i have in the past.

 

and yes, i am a little worried about her stepping up the games - hopefully i'll be able to handle it. but i'm confident in myself right now which is something i hadn't been in a while so hopefully things will go well. we'll see, and i'll keep you all posted.

 

thanks for your responses.

[Reddy]

well she texted me tonight.

 

said that "she knows i dont want to talk and would understand if i dont respond, but she has a question about the auditions tomorrow cuz she's super nervous"

 

lol.

 

after an hour i texted back "whats up" and thats it. again, this is the make her think i dont care either way. if i didnt text back she'd probably think i'm still mad or whatever else and i want her to think that i'm indifferent. it's common courtesy to text back but i included no explanation for why it took me so long and i didn't say more than i needed to.

 

she then responds with her question - basically asking about audition protocol for a musical. i'm not going to respond to this one, cuz i dont want her being able to get what she wants out of me. if she asks about it later i'll apologize and say that i was working on my audition and didnt hear it - then went to bed early.

 

i hope she waits all night. haha. (damn am i getting a bit too vindictive or is this ok?)

[orangesoda]

Honestly, others might call it vindictive, but I'm more on the side that if you can't be bothered to do it, or if doing it would make you feel bad, then don't bother. Simple as that.

 

You owe her no favors, she left you, and once she did, all the perks of having you available went out the door as well.

 

Why sacrifice your time/energy to help someone who didn't appreciate your time/energy when you were with her? Now she's left you and she wants to have her cake and eat it too? I think not.

 

And this isn't a case of immediate action. I'd understand if she had some emergency and you were the only who could help, then absolutely, you should.

 

But this isn't that case.