They are rejecting my relationship!

[Ghostrider4042005]

I'm posting this under my boyfriend's account, because it was easier.

 

Ok..So My boyfriend & I have been going out for a little over a year now and my parents are ruining my relationship.

6 months after we started dating..we had sex for the very first time. About one week later my mom was invading my privacy by looking at my msn conversations ( which maybe I was stupid to save) but anyways, she discovered that I had sex with him. My parents are hardcore Christians. My dad is a pastor & he bases every little thing on the bible.So premarital sex is the worst sin in the world to him. The morning after my parents found out my dad came into my room and started yelling at me and told me I was grounded for 2 months (no seeing my bf, no hanging out with friends, no internet, no cellphone). Not only that, but my mom wouldn't talk to me for a couple weeks. Finally after two months I was able to see him again. I gained my trust back slowly. But now a little over 7 months later my bf and I were having a facebook conversation over messaging about our sexual relationship. We hadn't actually had sex again since I got grounded..(but we did other things) Not even 2 hrs after the conversation..it was about midnight..my mom came storming into my room and told me I'd never be able to see him again. & my car was taken away. She even called him and left him a voicemail about it. First of all she invaded my privacy again.( I have no idea how, because I changed my password & logged off) secondly don't you think shes a little crazy not letting me ever see him again?! My bf and I only see each other once a week because we live about 30 minutes away from each other. So we barely see each other to begin with. I just need someone to please tell me how to deal with this. My parents are incredibly stubborn and never listen to me. If anyone has any advice at all to give me, it would be greatly appreciated . Thanks!

[leo_s84]

Well till you're 18 there's nothing you can do but respect their wishes... so just wait till then

[Jociellen]

well this one is a tough one! I too came from a very Christian home. My parents would have reacted the very same way had they found out I was having sex with my bf. About the only thing you can do is wait this all out. Just from experience with my own parents there is no way they are gonna budge. They believe to the core or their being that it is wrong to have sex before marriage and nothing you say is gonna change that. You are their little girl and they are going to protect you anyway they can.

 

The only way you will be able to see your bf is to sneak around...is that right? nope I don't think so but truthfully that is the only way. You are stuck right now. Until you turn 18 (not sure how old you are being that you are using the bf profile) you have no feet to stand on when it comes to what you parents say.

 

As for your mom invading your privacy. I don't agree with that at all but at the same time you are still under age. Its not right what she did but I am sure she feels very justified cause she is "protecting" you. Sounds to me like she has some kind of spy ware so she can get into your accounts anytime she wants. My advice...if you don't want you mom to find out dont use the computer to talk about it.

 

Hope that helps.....

[WillyD]

Sounds like my parents. My dads a 30-year military guy and my mom's a down south bible belt gal. They tried to do it with me to, and succeeded for a while with one of my girlfriends in the past. Frankly there isn't much you can do until you are out of the house or 18, but if you are either I'd recommend sitting them down and telling them you have different views then them, and that part of religion is not forcing it on others. Even if you believe the same things as them its important for them to understand you are your own individual. Its hard, but its what I had to do as soon as I turned 18 to my folks.

 

WillyD

[CarnelianButterfly]

When you turn 18 you can do what ever you want, until then you live in your parents house and are under their rules. Don't like it? Then find a way to pay rent, bills, gas money and such and move out.

[lana111]

i can understand how incredibly frustrating this is for you. it sucks that your parents are invading your privacy, but they are your parents, you are underage (im guessing), and it is their house. also they obviously have strong convictions that they want you to follow.

 

i would talk to my mom about the privacy thing first. like i said before, their house- their rules, but you are old enough to expect & demand some level of privacy. as for the bf thing- i dont know. you are young so i want to tell you to take it as a loss and move on, but im sure that you dont want to not be with your boyfriend. maybe you can convince your mom to let him see you at your house supervised. this way you can see him and your parents will feel good that your not out and about doing god knows what with him.

 

whatever you do, do not come to your parents as a whining (sp?) teenager. speak withy them calmly and maturely. if they still say no to the bf coming over... what can you do? accept it and approach them at another time.

[Shiranai]

Go into a "long distance relationship." While you don't have a car and can't see him, you can still talk on the phone. Make sure your parents don't find out though.

 

Then, you should aim to go to the same college (again, don't tell your parents, especially if they're paying for tuition.)

 

Once you're in college, I'd like to see them control who you can hang out with. My parents were so upset when I lived with boys, and she wanted to disown my sister when she found guy housemates. We still did whatever we wanted.

 

She recently found out I'm sexually active with my boyfriend, and now refuse to talk to me (in fact she haven't even brought up that she knows), but she knows whatever she says about him will be discounted and I won't even listen, nor would I care, so she bites her lips. It's amusing to watch.

 

You need to get yourself ready for your independence while pursuing an education and a better life. When you can support yourself you can do whatever your heart pleases.

[ghost69]

well, i'd be upset if i found out my daughter had sex. regardless of religion. it's just something parents really don't want to hear. especially at a young age. i would never want to find out my daughter has been getting it on. i have no kids mind you, but i would be a bit devastated. i'd get over it as i'm sure they will eventually.