sweetharmony Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Hi, I've been with my current bf about 5 months and I know that this is not a very long time. The first two months were really great (of course) and he was pursuing me...typcial fashion. I understand that this is common and I was very cautious about not getting too close too fast. I wanted to take things slowly because I was confused seeing that at the beginning we were incompatible regarding certain things, but we have good chemistry and similar interests. However, I started to push/pull. Long story short...the relationship is falling apart (yes, i still have some insecurity issues to work on)...We have compatibility issues...personality wise. All we do is fight over silly things and he's pulling away and now he thinks I'm suffocating him...we're long distance which doesn't make it easier. We are going in circles (with a few up moments). we can't agree on anything and find ourselves unhappy to be around one another. we haven't spent one full weekend not discussing our issues. i'm supposed to go down there this weekend to help him and his elderly friend move and I also bought a plane ticket to his family's for X-mas (which he asked me to during an up moment for us-he really wanted me to come. Now I feel utterly trapped (though I think he feels the same?). Thinking about this weekend and travelling for Christmas with him gives me a nauseous feeling, yet I can't bring myself to let go just yet, hoping we will find some miraculous answer. He's a marriage and relationship therapist for heaven's sake! I think he feels the same, unless he's just waiting until after X-mas. I don't know what to do-to let go first or to keep trying. he says he wants to continue trying, but I feel he's already checked out. I know a lot of the negativity is my fault-he says I pushed him too far and I agree, but his criticizing me constantly and manipulative ways have me feeling pure resentment and anger. It's like we either pretend we don't have problems (in denial) when we speak on the phone-all sugar and spice and then it festers for a week until the weekend and then it all comes out. Anyone have advice? Link to comment
candy604 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 It doesn't sound like you guys are meant to be together. Break up! You should find someone that makes you happy and someone that doesn't criticize you! It's unhealthy! Link to comment
Hope75 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Now I feel utterly trapped (though I think he feels the same?). Thinking about this weekend and travelling for Christmas with him gives me a nauseous feeling, yet I can't bring myself to let go just yet, hoping we will find some miraculous answer. He's a marriage and relationship therapist for heaven's sake! Healthy happy relationships don't make you feel this way. After 5 months I am unsure why you are so determined to hang on... it's not as though you have invested an incredible amount of time, commitment and emotion into this short relationship. If you feel trapped you are obviously not happy and the obvious answer is to end the relationship, and not drag out the inevitable simply because it's the holiday season. When you actually do break up do you want to look back and wonder why you ruined a perfectly good Christmas lingering in a relationship that made you miserable? Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 if you know it is over, why postpone it? it think it is better to break up now (not on a specific holiday), and give yourself a few weeks to get over before having Xmas... you don't want to associate the breakup with Xmas, and if you wait, you could have a big fight before then and break up anyway, or worse, right around Xmas... actually , i think it makes you feel more alone to be with the WRONG person on things like holidays than it does being alone! it is never a good time to break up, but if you know it is over, it is kinder/better to get on with it... Link to comment
sweetharmony Posted December 18, 2007 Author Share Posted December 18, 2007 yeah, should've listed to this advice back then! he broke up with me on Sunday...and now i still have the f-in ticket. He begged em to come down there that weekend (two weekends ago) to make it work...we had a wonderful weekend and then back to fighting...go figure. this sucks, wish i had the guts to do it back then. now my x-mas is utterly ruined and I'm really upset that it's over. maybe for the best, but i was really hoping we could work. i feel helpless and sick now. Link to comment
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