She's missing me but treats me badly

[rainydrive]

I don't know what the best forum is for this post but I'll put it here.

 

I met a woman late last spring. We hit it off immediately in many ways and started a relationship. One of those where you just know they're the one. And we both agreed. A couple of months into it she decided that she still wanted to be with a man, that she "wanted and needed a father figure for her kids". I know I did everything right with her...treated her well, loved her very much. Maybe she wasn't used to it. B/c the men she was with were jerks. (Yes, I'm a girl). She went through a rough patch and i was there for her every step. So I tried to just be friends with her as much as it hurt me. But she said over and over she didn't want a relationship (which I got the first time she said it).

 

She didn't treat me very well after she decided to still be with men (she had been w/women 3 times before me so it wasn't new to her), she would say things that weren't nice and the one time I needed her to be there for me she literally turned her back and walked away from me. She said she always refrained from "showing me the affection and feelings she had for me" because she didn't want me to think she wanted a relationship. HUH?? I already knew that but it would have been nice to have her ear when I needed it. Anyway I decided that was the last straw and basically stopped hanging out w/her, and went to straight NC. I ended up feeling like she couldn't be trusted.

 

Been doing that for 3 months now.

 

But she has sent several (7 or 8 ) emails, a few text messsages, and e-cards saying I miss you, I just want you to know I'm thinking of you always, thinking of visiting, etc. etc. And in my mind I think, if you want to talk, call me. I never answered any of the email or texts. Finally she just called the other day (twice) and I found myself not wanting to call her back. It sounded like she was driving in her car and crying, and she said if I can "find it in my soul" to call her it would be appreciated.

 

I mostly went NC to get over her and b/c I refused to let her treat me less than I deserved.

 

But I can't stop thinking of her either....but I don't want to be around her if she can't treat people the same they treat her. I know she's been "chatting" w/several or many men but to my knowledge hasn't found one. Maybe she's just on the edge of coming out for real, and afraid? or not ready> I don't know what to do or what she really wants.

 

I'm thinking of breaking my NC but I don't know. Am i just being stubborn? Should i stick w/her as a friend? I have been out with a couple women since her but my mind & heard always goes back to her. Please, i need advice.

[mrmaximum]

She sounds like a typical cake eater. She wants that man, that father figure for her kids, but then wants you to be there for her emotionally. Relationships are about reciprocation and you weren't getting any feelings back for the love you showed her. If you do decide to go back, I would keep may guard up and make it VERY clear that if she falls into the same patterns once more that all she will see is your back as you leave!!

[summerpeach]

You have to decide if you can handle the pain of talking to her again.

If you can just truly be her friend, then yes contact her. If it's going to pain you that there will not be a romatic relationship, then leave it alone.

We can only be friends with an ex when we become indifferent.

I'm sure she does miss you, but is because u are in NC? I mean only contacting her will help you know.

It's all about you and your feelings, not hers.

[rainydrive]

My thoughts exactly...cake eater. While we were dating I did do a lot of taking care, she always told me she felt relaxed and safe when I was around, and she said the kids acted better. I did things w/the kids and for them that the father wouldn't do. She wanted to hang on 'til she found a man then she even went as far to say I can have a man and have you too. Thats where I drew the line. I'm trying to decide if I want to call her back but I think the window has closed, it's been 4 or 5 days since she called. Really, I don't wnat to hear about all her man-capades.

She sounds like a typical cake eater. She wants that man, that father figure for her kids, but then wants you to be there for her emotionally.

[mrmaximum]

My thoughts exactly...cake eater. While we were dating I did do a lot of taking care, she always told me she felt relaxed and safe when I was around, and she said the kids acted better. I did things w/the kids and for them that the father wouldn't do. She wanted to hang on 'til she found a man then she even went as far to say I can have a man and have you too. Thats where I drew the line. I'm trying to decide if I want to call her back but I think the window has closed, it's been 4 or 5 days since she called. Really, I don't wnat to hear about all her man-capades.

 

Ahem, I highly doubt that this woman can make out the world any further than her nose. Best to stay away.

[rainydrive]

LOL well, she meant she can have a man with me on the side. Nope, thanks, not my cup of tea.

[tomo]

I agree I wouldnt like to share either,you are either with that person or you are not, hate it when people use you in that way for there own sexual an emotional needs makes me angry.I reckon they can find someone else to lean on.YOU deserve better than what your getting in return keep see other women get on with your life. IF she wants you bad enough she will come to you best of luck

[rainydrive]

That's what I'm wondering, if this contacting me and finally calling me is her coming back. I told her early on, if you want to talk to me, call me. I'm not going to play these text message and email games. If you want a relationship now, prove it by wanting to talk to me and showing me you love me and want to be there. ANything less is no good at this point. Is this a bad way to go?

[tomo]

What you said in last post is a good way to go,talk to her tell her how you feel an if she only needs you for an emontial crutch an doesnt want to be with you then walk away an get on with your life an find the happeness you deserve. best of luck. OXOX