help! where did all our romance go?

[rocknroll]

me and bf have been an item for some time now, and I feel he is the one for me, the one I want to be with and spend time with and one day get together and have children and all of that. He really is.. however, when we first started dating, I didn't really said I loved him, because I'm kind of an insecure person to begin with... he was the first to say it - and then, there was a time when, despite our arguments and issues, we felt pretty much in love and in tune - told each other we wanted to be together, get married, have kids, build a life together, everything was great. Within a relatively short period of time, he stopped saying all of that (that he loved me, etc), and says it almost mechanically when we say goodbye to each other..

 

Recently, I've told him, upfront, that I miss that very much, all the attention he gave me, everything, because I love him, and it's hard not hearing that sponteneously from your soulmate. also, I found out he was lying to me, on some minor thing, but ok (from the moment I found out, there have been changes in the way I think of him... I used to think he didn't lie, that he was kind of untouchable in that area, but I guess we're all human and imperfect).

Anyway, I know a guy that has been telling me I'm beautiful and all of that, and I know I don't even like him in the sense of wanting to be more than friends, but it felt to nice to hear that out of someone's mouth (and I keep thinking it would be heavenly to hear it out of my boyfriend's). I love him, and despite everything that went on between us (arguments and trust issues on his part), I want us to work out - but if he doesn't say anything about caring for me (and does little to show it), I don't feel that comfortable.

 

Also, there has been one thing terrifying me - stressing me out so much.. Once I asked him, while we were on the subject, how he had distanced himself from his ex (was his gf for 2 years), and he told me he gradually stopped caring for her, and he had stopped saying he wanted to be with and and all of that. I know for a fact that our relationship is much different from that one, but the fact that I may not be getting the same process, but the same result, freaks me out.

 

Sorry about the lenght of this, but I really need advice... I'm kind of needy right now, I wanted him with me so much, and a little more romance, like we had... he says all our fighting wore him out, and that's why he's stopped saying it, but not hasn't stopped feeling it... I'm confused, and wanting to know if this has happened to anyone of you, and whether it is normal, this whole process of letting go of romantic things, in long term relationships.

 

Please, I need urgent advice. thank you.

[Entropy Smith]

You make some general references to trust issues and him uncaring but regardless...he senses your neediness...neediness is a relationship killer when there is a lack of trust...

 

...if you want to get the fire in him for you, effect a regression...withdraw...distance yourself...seem interested in other things...go MIA for a few days...don't respond to his communication right away...if he asks whats wrong seem confused by his response...your distance has nothing to do with him and he is being silly, you were doing something for work or whatever it is you do...attraction is like a rubberband...if your too close it loses its pull...

 

...some would call this "playing games" or manipulation...I don't...he wants to feel that desire...its up to you light the spark.