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valuable input on how to... from the folks of ENA?

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long story short, we had a huge argument tuesday last week. we havent talked or anything since. I texted her one last time a few nights ago, and then nothing again.


I saw her briefly at work (like a sec, as we kinda passed by each other, but i was with my boss) and waved a shy "hi"


anyway, out of nowhere, she texted me yesterday saying this:


"hey, i needed sometime to think, u always say the right thing but when it comes down to it, u really don't understand nor can u handle the amount of time i need for work and myself. I need sometime alone and will let u know when i'm ready to talk with you again.i just simply cannot handle the stress you add to my already stressful life at this time"




and I replied with this:


" I know baby, I wish I did know what/how to do the right things as well especially in times like this. i remember the days we would spend the day at a park with rocky (my dog) or when we would catch a movie, eat etc. I just miss those times with u. we'll find a way through this. If this is what it takes, so be it. it will get better. Take your time. You know I value you and what we have together, and looking forward to spending better times with u. Soon I hope tho."



I know i should stop talking to her since that what she said she wants. But im not sure if i should hold on or not. she's really swamped with work and i am swamped with homework too. I know mentally, its not possible to be together right now. But i don't know if i should even consider "trying it out again soon". or even leave room for her emotionally in those terms, u know?


was that a goodbye, goodbye?


I dont know if how i should behave at work either. i mean, i do like her and do understand the situation of her being busy. but i have a feeling i should do more than just be "blasse (sp?)" about things. u know?


NC, oh NC.

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Hey bogs - I'd take her word to heart and back way off if not all the way off.


like she said, she'll let you know when she's ready. The best thing you can do is trust that if or when she is, she WILL let you know and if that day never comes..... then that's the way she wanted it.


But for now, I'd just totally take that as a sign to stay away for a loooong while.


..least that's how I read that.....

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so i guess its NC again, and move on
Sorry to say but I think the moving on part is really important. It seems she isn't ready for a relationship with you at this time and I never think it wise to wait until someone is - they so very rarely are.


If you move on and she decides to come back you will be in a better place to decide if you want to try.

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yeah, and holidays are coming up. too... she's in a different department but still i'd see her once in a while. weird.


i dont know how i feel right now. Its a combination of bruised ego,sadness, and longing. i dont think coming up to her is gonna be a good thing for me, or for the way that i will behave towards her

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Be blase...go NC...your neediness is like relationship repellant...what are you gonna do when she starts dating someone else from work...


...your only chance for you is to distance yourself, pretend to be over it, and start dating again, preferably at work...and at work...be a star or a renegade but don't live in drudgery...


...now get a grip soldier...i know its tough with the Barry Bonds thing and all and no more 49er golden dayz but get to feeling uncaring for her and you may have a shot...and no more texts or sheepish hellos at work!!!!!

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I will sir!You know the funny thing is, I wasnt the one who was doing the initial chasing. When we first got together,she was the one wanting a relationship....then we broke up coz I wasnt feelin it, then all of a sudden, the tables have turned!


ANyway, I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst. The way we left the relationship wasn't cause we didnt "feel each other" (at least, thats no how I think thngs were) but cause we were just too stressed out. She was stressed out coz of the demand of work, and the demand of time I needed, and I was stressed coz sh didnt have time for me, but for ecerything else! I was little selfish. Up to the point when she left angry from my house, she was willing to "work things out".



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I saw her today. Granted she was at a meeting, she saw me walk by and she quickly averted her look from me. I tried to smile at her,but she didnt return it. Kinda weirded me out.


Then again, I saw her from the elevator. I kinda saw she looked at me twice, but neither her nor I said anything, since i was in the elevator and she was in the hallway.


True, I know I need to move on. But i can't help but feel somewhat hopeful, due to her text. I don't know if there's any relevance to what she said and what she said and what she's doing right now. True, currently she and I are on NC, but right before we stopped talking, we agreed to work on things, and she was somewhat sticking to what she can do as far as her schedule would allow her. I just needed more. I guess i was wrong somewhat in asking more from her, knowing she can't provide.


I'm still willing to work things out with her, but as my friend said, from the way I was initially with her (blase, and was half hearted into the relationship) to the way i was when we broke up (all into it), its more of a matter of pride than it is love when she did decide to leave me completely.if we ever do get together, it would be more of a matter of conquest than it is anything else.


But i do care for her tho, right now, along with the hurt that i'm feeling and the rejection, and the " am i easily replaceable" feeling, I'm trying to re evaluate my feelings for her as well.


I just don't know what to think other than "oh, my god, she's moving on from me, if i was only better! i'm sure she can get anyother by now. Arent i worth the time? ". Gaddam it, i hate feeling insecure and all that. I think the ticket out of this misery is trying to "move on from thinking about her" to "thinking about me".


I just cant get that feeling of "She moving on away from me" from the back of my mind.

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Hm...thank god for friends.


this is more of a rant and my random thoughts:


For some reason, I had this thing on my mind about giving her a little christmas tree for christmas for her apartment. I know we havent been talking for a week, but I do know she's not going to be spending christmas here and will be spending it back home with her friends (whom she invited to drive over from CA to Mississippi and back and not invite me back when we were still dating, they're her friends form here).


I've been thinking about how i behaved when we were still working on things and some of the times, I felt that i was reasonable in what i wanted out of that relationship, but of course, there were some things that, now that i think about it, were unreasonable.


So, when we were still "working on things" up to about a week ago (when we stopped talking altogether), I acted immaturely with what i needed, and acted out my frustrations. I wanted to spend more time with her and time was what she cannot give. Now she's thought about it and now she's saying she'll talk to me when she's ready. I'm not sure as to how i should take that, since she basically left me hanging in the air.


My friends say, don't give her a gift, don't talk to her, and don't write her... NC....


she SAID she wanted space, SAID she'll talk to me when she's ready. I'm just afraid that when she does talk to me, it will be when she's moved on. So im guessing that its time for me to move on as well and not think about reuniting with her until she's ready.



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