panchala23 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 So i have been dating this girl for about a month now. I had two pretty bad break ups in a row, so I decided to try and take this slow. She just got out of a relationship about two months ago too, and also wants things to go slow. It is obvious we like each other, and we have lots of fun together. The problem I am having is that sometimes I will call or text her and she wont respond. She never says no to a date and even rearranges her schedule for it. We had a talk last week where she said she wants things to go slow and feels a bit like I am more serious than she is. Physically we haven't gone past the making out, which is by far the slowest I have ever moved. We have just been getting to know each other and stuff like that. I suppose it isn't that big of a deal, but in my opinion if you like someoen you answer or respond to their contact. It is that simple. I'm not into the game playing or any of that. Like I said she has said she likes me and she knows I like her too, but I'm not sure how much of a deal breaker this is for me. It is really annoying for some reason. For example I texted her last night to see if she had finished her work (we are both in med school) and she didnt reply, and then I called because a bunch of us were going to a bar and I wanted to see if she would come...but she didnt pick up. I didn't leave a message, and she has not attempted to contact me since then. What am I supposed to do? Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 Well with your example of last night, I'd say she was still working and didn't want to be bothered. If you are going slow then she shouldn't be at your beck and call. Chill out a little and let her call you back at her own pace. Link to comment
panchala23 Posted November 28, 2007 Author Share Posted November 28, 2007 Yeah I get that she was prob busy and all that, but I guess my question is does it show a lack of interest? I feel like regardless of how busy I am i have the time to text or quick answer a phone call if I like the person. Also, I think a lot of it is just her personality. I am tryin to focus more on what I want and be very cognizant of it because of the previous bad break ups and dont want to look past things that I think are important to me. I am not sure how importnat this is tho. It seems kinda silly and a small thing at first, but if it continues like this I dont think I would be interested in dealing with it. Link to comment
Iwantittoend Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 I know what you mean by this. I was going out with a girl awhile back and she told me she wanted to take it slow. So I'd call her every now and then and she'd act distant on the phone. I'd always have to make the calls. Then one day she told me it just wouldn't work and wanted to break up. I think it may be a sign that she's pulling away, but that's just me. Maybe you can talk to her about it and see what she says. Link to comment
angeliamce Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 I agree that it is rude and not fair. Possible reason #1: But this girl may be following the belief that if she is too available you will try of her. And guess what you are really thinking about her so she really may know what she is doing. "The rules"- basically say never answer the first text or call, etc. actually it suggests waiting for 3. So, she may be really wanting to talk to you- but, being careful to make sure you will really like her. 2nd: She may just be really busy- med school. Or she could have phone issues and been too busy to deal with it. 3rd: Maybe she is not that interested. (I don't believe this is the reason) Who's knows- anyway sorry you are stressing. Link to comment
auburnslp Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 dude...maybe she is pulling away,...but in any case, if you want a chance with her, listen very closely... BACK OFF RIGHT NOW...ALL ENGINES REVERSE!!!!! you heard the magic words..."you are more serious than I am right now"...read that above sentence once or a hundred times again... your only chance is to give her room...make her want to call you-and the way you make that happen is to make her wonder what you are up to...and the only way to make that happen is to stop calling, texting, emailing, etc., unless only VERY sparingly... trust me I just made this mistake with a great girl...if I had a chance, like you might, to do it over, I would kill for that chance... back off now. you will know soon enough whether she isn't really interested-she just won't contact you. Or you will find out soon enough that I was right-that once you stop with the contact, get a little mysterious, she will be calling soon enough... good luck-I hope it goes well for you-and if it does I will be jealous as I realized all this too late Link to comment
panchala23 Posted November 28, 2007 Author Share Posted November 28, 2007 Well she texted me asking how my night yesterday went....I waited half an hour and texted back....then she didnt respond again This girl is confusing. Like I said I think its obvious she likes me. The whole thing is weird. I think I prefer beign single to the weird uncomfortable feeling this all gives me. I think backing off for a while is a good idea, maybe just let it fizzle out. I really like her but this is all getting too complicated. Why would she text me and then not text back after I reply? So weird. Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 It's simple. If you don't like how you're being treated, then make a stand for yourself. It looks like her Interest Level in you isn't where you want it to be and it does look like you're more attached to her than she is to you. She's not going to start responding to all of your texts all of the sudden. For her to do that she'd have to have a Higher Interest Level in you and she doesn't. So you're going to have to decide. Are you cool with the current arrangement or are you not cool with it? Because if you're not then you need to back off. Stop calling/texting her. Go out together less often. See other girls. Perhaps one of them will be more along the lines of what you're looking for. Link to comment
boo121 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 . We had a talk last week where she said she wants things to go slow and feels a bit like I am more serious than she is. hmm... this sounds like a reasonable chick. She is being upfront and honest with you. She likes you, otherwise she wouldn't have said that to you! Take that comment onboard... you don't need to reply to it, just take a more laid back approach... Physically we haven't gone past the making out, which is by far the slowest I have ever moved. No problem, you just hvnt turned her on enough yet. We have just been getting to know each other and stuff like that. I suppose it isn't that big of a deal, but in my opinion if you like someoen you answer or respond to their contact. It is that simple. I'm not into the game playing or any of that. Like I said she has said she likes me and she knows I like her too, but I'm not sure how much of a deal breaker this is for me. It is really annoying for some reason. If you are trying to call her all the time... you are chasing... so her natural reaction is to pull back even more. Don't do that. It's hardly a deal breaker, she is telling you to back off a bit, this is fair and completely understandable. For example I texted her last night to see if she had finished her work (we are both in med school) and she didnt reply, and then I called because a bunch of us were going to a bar and I wanted to see if she would come...but she didnt pick up. I didn't leave a message, and she has not attempted to contact me since then. What am I supposed to do? What do you think you're supposed to do? call her half as much as you are calling her now. She knows you're interested through your actions, now show her that you don't need to constantly call her 24/7 to get her approval. Back off a little and let her come to you Link to comment
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