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Help....is A Break Ok?


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My boyfriend and I have lived together for two years. Ofcourse we have had our ups and downs. He told me tonight that he wants a "break". He wants to move in w/ a friend of his and have his freedom back and do the things he likes to do. He said that it will be about 3 weeks and then he will decide if he wants to stay in the relationship or not.


Is it fair for him to keep me and my daughter waiting, sad and lonely for 3 weeks until he decides if he's coming home for good or just to get the rest of his things?


How do I tell my 11 yr old daughter about this who is very attached and is still getting over my divorce with her dad?


Is there ever going back to normal after a "break".

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I've never been convinced about "breaks" rather than "break-ups"; in my experience one is just a softly-softly approach to the other, aka "break-up unless I feel too lonely or need some sex". In your case, his reason for a "break" is especially bad IMO.


He wants his freedom back?! What's the deal then, timeout while he goes off and sows some wild oats, and can you please wait around until he's seen whether or not there's anything better on offer out there?


How do you think you'll feel if/when he cheerfully comes back (which presumably is your best-case scenario, since you wouldn't wait around if you were hoping he would not return), and effectively declares that he couldn't find anyone better, so he might as well put up with you, at least until the next time he gets the same urge?


If it were me, I'd give him more freedom than he ever dreamed of, and find someone who understands commitment.

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he says he wont cheat...lol.

its just hard when there are kids involved.


Well he may or may not physically cheat, but he's certainly going to be spending the time looking for your replacement, whether or not he admits it.


I understand the point about kids, though, and that is just about the only point in favour of holding on. There is no point in holding on, for a child's sake or any other reason, if the relationship is never going to work again afterwards. You have to decide whether or not that's the case.

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I honestly don't think he's going to come back after 3 weeks. I've used the break thing, and it was to make the break-up easier to handle for both of us.


In my opinion, the healthy way to handle this is to figure out what he is having problems with and working together to find a solution. That's what a relationship, a partnership, is about. Moving out and doing his thing for 3 weeks is not how you handle problems in a relationship.


I think you need to let this guy go. I know your daughter is attached, but she's also old enough to realize if her mom isn't being treated right. And she might not take it well if he doesn't come back after the 3 weeks. I think it'd be easier to explain to her that you guys aren't working out as a couple rather than he needs to see if he wants to be in your lives and he'll let you know later.

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Breaks = break-ups, period. In reading a year's worth of posts here, I have NEVER seen a break get a couple back together. NEVER.




That's not true. My last ex, he took a "break" from me after our first year of coupledom, because he thought he lost his feelings for me. I did NC (this was before I came on ENA and knew about NC) and left him alone, no contact whatsoever. After about ten days, he calls me to tell me he missed me a lot and realized that he wanted me in his life and he wanted to work on our issues.


Our relationship went on for another year during which I lost my feelings for him, but I pulled away in the relaitonship and treated him kinda weirdly, and that ultimately led to him breaking up with me again. This time he didn't come back. I ended up moving away and starting over my life.

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we spoke last night and he says hes confused. he feels a lot of guilt about living her. he moved from another state 500 miles away and now his granpda is ill, his mom has cancer and he plain and simple misses his family.

last night was real tough. he was soooo cold towards me. he was ok w/ having sex (shocker) but after that he was really cold. i was crying and he didnt even try to console me. he said hes going to think about things today and give me an answer tonight. im sick to my stomach having to wait because i know what his decision will be. i did tell him if he goes that he cant come back. its not fair to me or my daughter.

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i'm sad to heard your story...


but i understand how you feel..


maybe you should give ur husband his times and his freedom..

even though, you keep on with this relationship..

you will be the one who suffer and not him...


although, you maintain this relationship and keep him by ur side..

but you get his body cell but not his heart...

its like a zombie walking in the house..


the best way is to break off this relationship..

and do wat he like...


if you really love someone,

there is no need to be with the person,

when he/she is happy,

you will be happy too...


abt your daugther... now she is 11 yrs old already..

its time tat she knows wat is going on around her...

you should find 1 time where you think its suitable to let her noe..


its better to let her know than keeping from her...


p.s: its better to be a frenz after wat happen, den being a enemy..

coz he is still the father of ur daughter..

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