Loss of enthusiasm at school?

[Nwadour]

Just like many other students I've had many ups and downs in my scholar

life, good-marks periods and bad-marks periods.

When I was in grade 9, my "conscience" made me feel guilty of being bad

at school at those times, and I started having lots of motivation thinking

about

my future, about a career, and what attracted me most of all was the thirst

of knowledge that gradually grew in me in that period.

Many of my friends also laughed at me for my poor results at school and

probably that was also one of the main factors that made me change.

Infact, believe it or not, within 4-5 months my school performance developed

from the worst in class to the best in class in practically all subjects!

I remember that at that time I really did hard and I tried to do everything

to keep distractions, games, etc. out of my way.

What happened thereafter is a bit complicated. I remained the best of the

class for a long period, not even caring about others starting to call me a

"person who only studies/nerd" etc.and I really felt enthusiastic about the

things I studied. I didn't even regret much about the insults of my friends

since most of them needed my help for homework and for tuition.

I was practically yearning for success, craving to become a genius!

I'm not a person who does many things other people of my age group tipically

do over here, and most of all (it also seems odd to talk about it now) I

didn't

care much about sentimental relationships with girls (I had read lots of

books

about love and its philosophy and I came to the conclusion that love is a

loss of time, and money, especially at this age...) I simply was

self-devoted

and really cared only about studies! (except for that popstar girl story some people in here must be knowing about already.........)

 

But then, from the first days in grade 11 (this September 2003), I started

to

feel a bit disorganized:

I do about 11 subjects in different fields at school and 3 extracurricular

activities (IT,choir, theatre) which make me stay at school till

3:30PM every day, but apart from that I really do NOTHING ELSE

in my freetime than reading books, hanging around on the internet, and

playing roleplaying games (D&D) every weekend - and still I feel as if I

don't have enough time!

I firstly started to feel unable to keep a balance between the subjects.

This

is probably due to minor distractions that occur also during certain

lessons,

but also due to the fact that when I did homework I'm constantly distracted

by the chat I'm always online even while I'm not at home.

Then I started to hear my mind repeating the voices of my friends who are

older than me, such as "have fun as long as you are in school, in university

it's much more difficult and you will regret for not havin enjoyed as a

teenager.." and "all the work you do at school will be useless when you're an adult" Those words really hit me hard!

Now I feel like a person in the Middle Ages who once believed that the Earth

is

flat and is told that it's spheric! What I mean is, I feel as if every new

thing

I study isn't well absorbed into my mind anymore! In many subjects, even

though I still

get good marks, and I'm still among the best (AMONG, not THE!), I have lost

confidence and it's as if in studies I've remained behind in the period in

which

I really had a greater thirst of knowledge than what I have now (and I'm

not even sure whether I'm still "thirsty"... it's as if I'm full).

These and maybe some other things I haven't well discovered yet have

surely affected me and I'm quite sure of not being anymore able to

reach the maximums, to become a "genius" or whatever...

 

(To be a bit precise: I've lost lots of "skill and will" in the

mathematical/scientific subjects which, also when I was

really bad at school, used to be the subjects I had better marks in

and now my direction is seeming to change towards literature...

And I also chose maths/sciences as my future "A-levels" subjects...)

 

As you may imagine, my question is: how can I prevent this? How

can I really gain again the interest in new things to study?

I would truly appreciate an advice since I feel in a critical situation,

a person without initiative, enthusiasm and a person who believes

to have lost his goal of being successfull in all subjects...

[bzborow1]

You need to prioritize, organize, and put things into perpective! Firstly, I believe we all should live balanced lives, and by this I mean we should all try to strike a balance between are personal (relationships) and professional lives. It seems that over time you've just kinda lost track of things. I may suggest a psychologist as a good tool to help you reorder yourself!

[Mar]

Wow.....for being in the 11th grade, I'd say you were doing fantastic, first of all. I didn't know of a single kid in school who took on 11 courses their junior year, and succeeded at nearly as many!

 

The obvious problem is that you're putting so much pressure on yourself, AND letting outside influences affect you, i.e. people saying to "enjoy life now, because you can't later." What a bunch of bull, to put it politely. Quite honestly, I had WAY more fun once I was a bit older than I ever did in school, if only because it's THEN that you have the freedom to do so because you don't have school hanging over your head.

 

Relax. If I read right, you're not as interested in all the classes you're taking-do you have the option of dropping a couple of courses you're not as gung-ho about? Do you still know what you want to do when you go to university? If so, concentrate on the courses that work around that field first and foremost. But I would definitely hang on to your extracurricular activities, since I know being in choir in school was my saving grace from tension, and I loved to sing. The IT is obviously handy, and theatre is great for your creative side.

 

I'm not sure how your school is set up, but if you're able to pick your classes like we are here in high school, or drop the ones you don't need, then do so. There's nothing that says you have to be "the best" in every single subject, nor will that make you less intelligent, or less anything, for that matter. It only shows common sense to concentrate on those subjects which will get you further in life later on. I can tell you right now that universities generally start you out, regardless of your major, with general classes like history, biology, some sort of math course, and English. So I'd keep those. (Again, that's here in the states, I'm not sure if other universities do the same.)

 

As far as the distractions while studying.....shut off the chat while you're doing it, that's easy enough! Your friends will understand that this is one point in your life you can't afford to mess up right now, being so close to graduation. And so what if you read/play games in your free time? If that's what you enjoy doing, then DO IT. There's nothing wrong with it whatsoever, unless you're not happy with it. If you're not, then go hang out with friends sometimes, go to the movies, invite people over to hang out, go to a LAN party, whatever.

 

But above all else, stop pressuring yourself so much....as you can see, it leads to exactly what you've written! You've done a fantastic job in your studies so far, you know what you want to do and where you want to go.....stop worrying so much about losing drive or enthusiasm, and keep on doing what you're doing. Look into dropping some of those classes you don't need, and, if you're into Lit right now, see if you can pick up an extra Lit class, if you can fit it into your schedule. But I'd truly suggest cutting yourself some slack in this.....you're what, 17 or 16? You have your whole life ahead of you, and it sounds as though graduating is NOT a problem, even if you're not "#!." But you're still doing very well, and that's what matters! Good luck to you, and keep your chin up, this chapter is almost over!

 

Mar

[Nwadour]

Thanks very much for the advice!

But let me repeat: The fact of wanting to

be good in all subjects is nothing imposed to me

from outside, but my own will.

I admit that it sounds a bit exaggerating to think

that one can do all subjects but that is what I did

until a few months ago..

 

What I mean is also that in future I want to

have a broader choice in what I will do in

university or whatever I'll do.

Anyway I can't just "drop" subjects even if

I wanted to (but again, I don't want to...).

 

The fact that literature is getting better and I'm

starting to be slightly worse in the scientific

subjects is something that worries me alot!!!

Infact, as I may have told, I love sciences etc.,

but for some reason I'm not able anymore to

absorb well the stuff I learn and I sometimes

do mistakes that are done in elementary school....

[beagle]

To be honest it doesn't sound like you're in too much trouble? It seems to me that you just have very high standards and expectations, oddly enough imposed by yourself. Can you say why study and grades are so important to you?

 

As a former academic "prodigy" myself, you should know that once you get to university people rarely care about your academic record. True achievement is measured on different scales there and having a successful university career is not linked to the grades you entered with. There are plenty of people out there (many you'll meet at uni) who are academically better than you. You will find many of these people have no life outside of study to talk about. University is about getting a good degree, making the friends who will be with you forever and educating yourself in a broader sense through participating in the largest student body you will have come accross so far in your life. Don't miss it!

[Nwadour]

Well...ok. Maybe to all of you it sounds very strange, but...

I really feel pissed off even when I discover that I did

only 90% of an exam correctly as in past, and I repeat, with

past I mean just a few months ago, I truly got AT LEAST 99%

in every subject at school...

The fact that I get "so low marks" (others think I'm mad when

I say 90% is low, but that's simply my point of view), makes

me loose lots of self confidence and builds lots of complexes

in me. It makes me feel inferior to others... especially when

some others have better marks than myself.

For me, everything I do in life, I learn it at school and from

school everything spreads out. For example, today I discovered

that the professors even noticed that, in spite of my great

will to participate during the lesson and the WILL of being

productive, I don't actually MANAGE to state the things clearly,

that I'm sort of half-distracted, and I am never sure about the

things I say...And that hit me alot.

As for my parents, they truly never cared about my studies,

maybe in elementary school, but now they sometimes even

force me not to study... strange. But I truly wish to become the

best in all subjects... I sound stupid, I know! But that's what

I want to achieve!!!

 

For bzborow1:

Uhm... who cares about girls?

After so many experiences, after having even HOPED

for the possibility of exceptions, I ultimately calculated

that love is truly a superficial distraction from one's

professional life and should be directly ignored as long

as one is totally devoted to studies.

Maybe... to tell the truth... love had also played an

important role in bringing me down to my current state...

[bzborow1]

Well the idea is you are not supposed to really care what others think of you, but that is easier said then done. But to get back to your situation some more, you're not seeing the whole picture.

 

While I agree that relationships do take time, that does not mean you still can't be productive in your studies. Think of it this way, if you are 100% devoted to your school, but 0% devoted to your social life, you are still at 50% happiness. To flip it around, what if someone devoted all their time to a relationship, but none to studies...they'd be 100% happy in their relationship....but not at all with their school....same thing. To be successful in all life you've got to satisfy all your needs.

 

If there's more to this then i'm sorry I musta skipped over it. Or if you're using school as a way to hide from the uncertainty of "looking for love" there's nothing anyone can say for ya.

 

Cheers,

 

Bill

[Nwadour]

To tell the truth, I... am currently a very social person (in contrast to my personality in the past). Social in the sense that I like to help (I've always been helpful in my life...always!), that I LIKE to know new people and to make friends, but I don't want this to influence my own "I". And in my case, the more % I dedicate myself to relationships, the more unhappier I am.

Moreover, my fear is that in my case I find more happiness in learning, acquiring more and more at school... it's as if, sorry to say, I feel happier when I'm alone. My mind would be more clear if I wouldn't think about other people and that would make me studying easier.

See, there's a paradox in what you said. It's actually not at all true that I don't care about what others think about me. No, it's exactly the opposite.

It's exactly because I think and care too much about what others say and think about me that I am not able to be myself, to have a free mind...

But even though I know this about my personality, it almost seems as if the "excessive knowing of people" (to ME it is excessive) and the consecutive "excessive thinking about relationships" are irreversible...

that's what I need help in. I need help in forgetting, in distracting my self from "relationships" to be able again to perform successfully.

Maybe all this just because I am a thinker...

And maybe also (and this is a very possible theory) because for my entire life until the last 10 months I wasn't USED to have many friends. Maybe, in the beginning of this year when I tried to do an experiment, when I tried to be a genius AND a friend-of-everybody I exaggerated, I did a too great step... from usually 4 people greeting me a day at school to almost the whole school... maybe also this made me come to this state...

 

As for using school to hide myself from love... oh, I'll try to explain my

my philosophy of life...

"All humans die! And one day also I will pass away. And I want to do something that will have me remembered in history, that will help me to 'contribute to humanity' where with humanity I mean humanity in general and not just the people around me, in my society. And most of the people who were able to contribute were scientists, 'geniuses', philosophers, etc.! All humans - even the geniuses - have wasted time in thinking about relationships... and thereby haven't thought about the progress of their work. Relationships are a barrier that block somebody from concentrating on progress! Feelings always make humans do mistakes! And since I know all this having read so much history, having

learned from the experience of all the other people, shouldn't I try be an exception from all the others and TRY to avoid 'falling' like all the others?

Shouldn't I learn from the mistakes that all humans have committed in history?"

 

Now I hope you understand why exactly I want to "escape" from love...

[Nwadour]

But maybe... maybe all my problems have birth in my... too complex... too long thoughts... maybe I think too much... maybe I have a sort of cloud that keeps me from concentrating... I myself don't know exactly...

 

my greatest fear is, however, that I'm... making myself all these problems... because I cannot accept a reality... the reality of not being able to achieve certain objectives as being a genius, etc.

 

it seems that... I have a mixture of negative-mindedness and a too radical view of reality... which imposes me... to... let down my dreams.