Am I in the wrong?

[gal1989]

Me and my boyfriend have been going out a year and a half. This might not seem a big deal, well it does to me, thats why i want peoples opinons on it.

 

Well im at uni and my boyfriend is, but we are at differnt ones. I see him every weekend but one weekend he is here for all weekend (Fri Sat Sun) and the other weekend i see him for one full day. I dont see him in the week.

 

So because we dont see each other, obviously I text him to chat to him like any girlfriend would. But quite alot it takes him about an hour to text back. Today it was 5 hours. A few times its 3 hours and sometimes its 2 hours.

 

I get really annoyed because it takes so long for him to txt me back. He says that sometimes he doesnt have his phone on him, fair enough, and he does have lectures. But 5 hours? he said he went to sleep then had a lecture, but the last lecture finished an hour before he text me back?

When hes playing on a game on xbox he takes like an hour - 2 hours, or at the bar 1 hour and 1/2. "I didnt hear it" "its on silent" - an hour and half. I dont know about everyone else but i check my phone quite regulary when its on silent! (when he sed he didnt hear it i text him first then he text me back then i text him back straight away, then he didnt text me back for 2 hours i mean if you had jus text ur gf and you know you cant hear your phone and she is bound to text back (i always do) you would check it!)

 

I asked him about it and he said that sometimes hes in the middle of writing it then he puts it down or leaves it a while to think about what to say on it and then he just forgets about it and ends up doing something else, but he said doesnt do that on purpose.

 

It just it gets to me because, I text him and want to talk to him because I dont see him, like any other person would, he says he does want to text, but if he did i assume he would text back quite quickly! I do!

 

ive said quite a few times that it gets to me that it takes ages sometimes so i sed just check your fone or sumthin or take it off silent or watever. or even just tell me you wanna sleep! but it still keeps happening.

 

Am I being silly? Am I wrong? Is he wrong?

So, I just wanna know peoples opinions on this, it would really help And some solutions to this would also help too

Thankies xxxxxxxx

[LostInMyThoughts]

In relationships, there really isn't "right" and "wrong."

 

Why are you upset that he doesn't text you back right away? Thats really the issue to explore. So why do you get upset (I'm not saying you should-or should not be upset, but I think knowing why it upsets you is far more important than knowing who has the higher moral ground).

 

From a different perspective if you two were to break up, would you list "he didn't text me back right away" as the reason?

[Mun]

How many times a day would you say you text him? Do you text him everyday? Why don't you call instead of texting?

If he does not answer your text do you text again and again until he does?

 

I don't know but my thoughts would be that he is not on text alert and will text back when it is convenient for him. Maybe it's not as important to him to be constantly communicating as it is for you.

[gal1989]

I get upset because, its like he cant be bothered texting back when i text him and that he only does when HE wants to talk to me or can be bothered. And the fact that we dont see each other all the time and still doesnt, makes it sound like he is going off me or something.

 

We dont ring throughout the day because we have different lecture times, we are with lots of other people so we cant have proper conversations etc and because of the credit on our phones (we are students lol) (And its not lack of credit that he doesnt text baxk because we both get free text allowances. That with credit)

 

Well it depends how long it takes for him to text me back, if its a bad day probably about 5 texts.And a good day well 11. (The good days are good and 11 is cool for me I do text him again sometimes if he doesnt text back. But that shouldnt be the case, why should I have to "remind" him or "make" him text me back by texting him again.

[demolition_lover88]

I know how you feel. My boyfriend is exactly the same, if he texts me i'll text him back the minute i receive the text. Most of the time when i text my boyfriend he takes ages to text me back, sometimes he has taken up to 6 hours to reply.

 

I cant speak for every guy, but i think that most guys dont think anything of it if they dont text back for a few hours, whereas girls would.

 

Try speaking to him about it, but doubt it will make any difference.

 

I know it upsets me too. My mind goes into over-drive when he hasnt text me back, i always imagine the worst.

[LBP]

Personally speaking, I hate texting. I absolutely hate it. Then again, if that's his problem, he should really say something. Then again, every time I tell a girl 'don't text me! I don't like texting and it costs money!'... the inevitable text barrage ensues.

[gal1989]

Ahh so what do you do? Do you get angry or loose your temper with him?

[beauty21]

That's one reason why I say no to long distance relationships. Me personally, I can't handle them. I need to see my bf everyday and I need and want a bf that feels the same.

[gal1989]

No he doesnt hate texting, or isnt too bothered about the money on the phone so thats not it....

 

I know what you mean beauty21 lol

[beauty21]

Plain and simple, he prefers doing other things rather than texting you back.

[demolition_lover88]

i guess you were talking to me 'gal89'

 

i've never really lost my temper with him about not texting. I just tend to get a bit paranoid about what he is doing when he hasnt text me back and that sometimes causes arguments. Especially if he hasnt been doing anything and that makes me suspicious. Surely he'd find the time to text.

 

Men baffle me!

[gal1989]

yeh i know, thats why it gets on my nerves. I just get angry when he hasnt txt bak! I dont want to get angry! Should I just never text him? But then again i would want to because i would want to talk to him!

 

Yeh i was talking to you, i thought it emailed lol I know I dont understand men! Yeh it causes us to have arguments too, like today, it took 5 hours to reply coz he went to sleep, so i text him back straght away when he did reply, then it took him 40 mins to reply! and that was with a second text, quite sarcastically saying "Are you asleep again?" And he text back straight away. So i just text him and told him to have a good week and not to reply and ill speak to him when i next see him as its easier because he answers me straightaway. he text back straight away again and just said "ok whatever speak to you on friday"!

[iFlirt]

Okay, you see him everyweekend, that isnt bad at all. Anyone in an LDR would KILL for that kind of time with their SO

And as long as he text you back, let it go. Yes, its annoying, but its nothing major. Let it go, water under the bridge and other such ver used phrases.

Boys just work differently than us. To them, plaing a video game is a totaly solid excuse for not texting the gf back right away. So maybe talk with him and adjust your standards a bit so that you dont get this riled up often.

[beauty21]

To them, plaing a video game is a totaly solid excuse for not texting the gf back right away.

 

Yet, they wonder why they are always alone.

[Mun]

I have a friend who is constantly text messaging or calling her many friends/boyfriends. If they don't call back or text she is going on anxiety mode. She's high maintenance and rather annoying.

 

Until the day she found a guy just like her, now she is annoyed when he is constantly asking " why don't you call me back? " "why do I have to keep calling until I get you on the line"

 

It's poetic.

 

Maybe this is just one way in which you are not compatible. Can you work with it? If he knows you are ok and everything is going ok maybe he does not feel the need to be in constant text messaging with you. Try and relax or you will soon become the EX girlfriend.

Or maybe a bf more like you would be better suited?

[demolition_lover88]

I've tried not texting him back straightaway to play at his own game and also to see if he text me more because i hadnt text him back.

 

I gave up on that though because it was too difficult.

[gal1989]

I do try, i really do try not to get annoyed etc. And alot i dont! Its just when it takes more then like 2 hours. I dont always ask him why he took ages, he usualy says on the text when he does reply, so he knows he has took ages!

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

why not just not text him at all....and schedule times that you can actually talk with one another each day/every other day ... this way there is no wondering when he's going to get back to you ...and he will make time to talk with you.

[RayKay]

People get busy and can't be expected to rotate their life around a phone. What do you think people did before text messages (believe me...not that long ago!)? Answer - people survived and learned to talk when it was more convenient for them both! There was a time people did not even have cell phones or email you know - and again...it was not that long ago....!

 

I turn my phone OFF in lectures and actually the entire time I am at school. I find it disrespectful to be texting in classes, or the distraction while I am at school is too much.

 

My boyfriend and I may email once or twice during the day to one another, but sometimes one of us may take hours to get back to one another simply as we are busy - we work, or I am reading, studying, what have you.

 

Believe me we both love one another, but we also have lives to live you know, and we are our own people - we cannot plot our daily life around a phone. Sorry, I am NOT a slave to my phone. If I have it on silent or off - it's for a reason and that is not to keep checking it!

 

I think it may just be "too much" for him and can be rather pressuring and needy; and so he is less inclined to actually respond or else he will feel as if he is at your "beck and call" and most people really don't like that feeling.

 

You see him on the weekends; during the week how about you arrange a couple mutually convenient times to actually TALK and if you send a text saying "good morning" or what have you - do it as you WANT to say it to him, not because you want something back. Believe me, if you lay off - chances are he may just be more ready to respond.

 

 

Furthermore, while a text now and then to just say "I love you" is sweet and uplifting and my boyfriend and I send such things now and then, a constant barrage of them to have a conversation is really just annoying for a great number of people whom prefer face to face conversations or at least telephone conversations where you are not having to type one-liners and flip phones open all the time and things get misconstrued.

[colors]

^^ well said, that's everything i was thinking of saying...^^ I fully agree with RayKay...she's got great words

[gal1989]

Well you know that everyone is different, and people, like you are probably alot more busy then we are by the sounds of it! your alot older then me aswell so we obviosly have different opinions.

 

Answers to a few things you said: He forgets to take his phone off silent, so doesnt always turn it off for a reason. And im not asking him to relvolve his life around a phone, thats a bit deep isnt it? Its simply just wanting to hear from your partner!

 

I dont just do it to get something back, i still text him when he doesnt have credit and i know he cant text back so thats not why i text him.

 

We have been going out over a year, I know he doesnt have loads of work, or is busy all the time or whatever. We dotn see texting as a "constant barrage" we both like like texting and telling each other things like that, i know he does because if i didnt put "i love you" or something similar he sometimes asks why i didnt put it!