Does anyone else feel this frustrating lost feeling?

[WindowTo]

Hey guys I wrote this today and I wanted to know if anyone is feeling the same. This is not about depression or loneliness or finding the right career or new friends. Its about all those things to a small degree and a lot more. Forgive the cliche but I think I am in an existential funk. Perhaps I have just pinned down the problem (or at least pinned down how little I understand the problem at least). Its kind of long, so Ill understand if nobody reads it. You should though, for the children. Anyway here it is:

 

I think I have at least one good idea a day. I'm not sure what the count would be for other people, but I would like to know. 90% of the time, that idea goes to waste. I mean I have tried carrying around a pad to jot it down. I can't seem to make any of the good habits stick though. I guess they may not all be good ideas to everyone, but I think I know what is interesting to a lot of people. Not that it matters.

Also... I am really good at wasting my potential. I'm also very confused about my own nature. Part of me tells me how awesome I am, and part of me is depressed for my lack of ability. Part of me is a raging optimist and part of me is a get-a-headache-from-all-thestupidpeopleintheworld pessimist. So I don't know... I am often torn between multiple feelings and ideas and thoughts. Anyway the list goes on.

 

I just want to find something to get my head straight. These days it is so hard to do. Thats another one of my "tearings". I am probably the most stable person I know, but sometimes I don't feel stable although it never really affects my actions all that much.

 

It just seems like I am being held back. What do I want? Why can't I get everything that I want? I just want to find something that I can put all of my energy and effort into. I know that I will probably always lose interest in everything eventually.

 

Does it seem to anyone else, that growing up is like slowly realizing that life has more potential to be a nightmare unless you do something about it. That is the main thing that I have realized as I got older, that if you do nothing nobody is going to do it for you. Or maybe I should just say me. If I am lonely, nobody is going to fix it for me even if they care that doesnt mean they will help.

 

I need to do. I need to be. I need to know what I am. I need to know what I want to be.

 

Also one of the main things I have always wanted in my life is to feel truly connected to people. I think that I have succeeded in that sense with a few people when I was younger, but now I find myself surrounded by shallow people. Shallow in their desires, shallow in the way they treat other people. I have become more judgmental of people than I ever wanted. Its not a better or worse thing necessarily its just not a me thing.

 

Maybe I am just realizing this "issue" now. Whatever that may be. There are two types of lies, those we tell others and those we tell ourselves. Well I won't lie, I can act fullfilled and sure of myself but I am missing something here. I need to know what the %*(&is going on so I can put my $&*^*^ life on track. What are you supposed to do when you dont have a calling in life? I feel like I have always had to make my own calling. I'm sick of having no responsibility or trivial importance.

[Censored]

Hi There,

 

It seems that everything in your post refers to what society believes is needed. Why do you need any of these things, calling in life, etc.?

 

Do you wish to be admired? Acknowledged? Thought of highly by others as though something you have done has made and impact, made a difference to someones life or the world as a whole?

 

Many people think they waste potential, but in reality all theiy're wasting are pipe dreams. We all like to think we can do, be, or achieve certain things, and the reality is, that a lot of the time, we can't, and we never ever will.

 

I think finding yourself is what you need to discover. Find who you are as a person, and remove the "wants". A lot of what you state as "needs" are not needs at all, but "wants". There is a huge difference between the two as I am sure you are well aware.

 

Once you remove these "wants" and other social "norms" from the equation you can slowly begin to discover who you are. Try asking the "why" on what you are thinking, if possible ask "why?" five times per self response to try to get to the bottom of your thoughts. It's amazing how the irrelevant and fluff can dissappear with each time.

 

EG: I'm hungry? ----Why?

B/C I haven't eaten since brekkie? Why?

 

etc etc.

 

it's an incredibly powerful question that can really get some thought processes going on about what is Truly important and help you discover what you truly need.

 

Ok, well hope that helps somewhat, just one point of view.

[WindowTo]

Niceguyloses,

I think what you had to say is great.

I realize that many of my desires are imposed by society. Many of these things are not everything I may need to make me happy. Many of the things I think I can do I cannot do, and many things I called needs are just wants to get somewhere I want go be.

I think what I am doing here is trying to ask why to many of my desires in life. I think that whatever funk I am going through is a very large part emotional, and separating myself from what other sources are expecting from me may be helpful.

The thing is, I don't think I am that unrealistic about my abilities. Mostly what I mean when I say wasted potential is that I am wasting the potential I have to make myself happy.

 

Thanks

[Censored]

Mostly what I mean when I say wasted potential is that I am wasting the potential I have to make myself happy.

 

 

 

Not wasting it WindowTo, just trying to figure how to get that potential on the right track.....I think you are having some great self realisation moments. And i know how tough they are.

 

Trust me when I say i absolutely agree with your sentiment, only you can make yourself truly happy (i know i know another cliche). LOL

 

I actually think you're on your way - gotta start somehwhere, (some people never do)

[StretchGee]

I need to be. I need to know what I am. I need to know what I want to be.

 

You need to do these things in the order you listed. (I left off "I need to do.", because that is inconsequential.).

 

niceguyloses provides a means to get to the end though asking 'why' and self study.

 

So you need to do enough self study to know where you are and who you are before you can know where you want to go and who you want to be. An existential funk, as you say. If you don't know yourself then you really don't exist.

 

Another good exercise is to sit down with pen and paper and answer the essay question: Who am I? Keep in mind that there are no 'wrong answers' and may be relative to others (I am a friend, a spouse, a father) or relative to yourself (I am a seeker, an honest person, etc.).

 

Realize that you are not lieing to youself in the strict sense. It may be that you just don't know or have not asked the right questions.

[talo]

Ah yes, the Existential Funk.... Quite a dance that one.... I think I recall the steps.....

 

They involve trying to define/find/determine who/what I am and exhausting all perspectives/beliefs/views/opinions/definitions in the process.... and the only viable 'definition' 'left' is to remain essentially definitionless....

 

This is a calling isn't it....

[StretchGee]

This is a calling isn't it....

 

 

That it is! But it's the journey, not the destination.

 

Cogito, ergo sum.