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My wife just told me she wants a divorce


Allan
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My wife and i have been together for 13 years and married for 8. I agree with her when she says that we havent had a happy marriage for a while and she believes that she was the only one trying in this relationship. I admit i got lazy in the marriage and even insensitive at times, but i really didn't know the full impact of what was going on because she never expressed her unhappiness to me she just kept on trying to keep up a happy exterior and of course i see it now when it could be too late. It took her a total of 6 days from the time this mess started to tell me she wanted a divorce. Does this seem like overreacting on her part because she is really mad and hurt right now? I am really heartbroken right now and when i suggest that we see a marriage councillor she says she is not willing to try anymore. The majority of our problems are my fault but i am a believer in marriage and once you take on that commitment that you should take all steps to save it. I feel like i'm rambling , my thoughts are not too clear right now, but would appreciate any input or comments.

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Hi Allan

 

Sounds like you're in a really bad way. In a sense you're ahead of the game in that at least you acknowledge your failings. Your wife is in a really tough place right now and I think you need to recognise this. DO NOT ASSUME THAT THIS IS JUST IMPULSIVE COS NOT TAKING HER AND WHAT SHE SAYS SERIOUSLY IS THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW. It sounds like years of frustration and disillusionment have finally bubbled up. She feels that things have gone too far already and will not accept being pressurised to stay together.

 

If you seriously love her (and are not just scared to lose), the most you can ask for is time. Acknowledge her right to be frustrated and annoyed and agree to give her as much space as she needs in return for her taking some more time to think. Explain to her your position and give specifics on what you would do to change - vague promises are meaningless. Try and remember what brought you together and what you both still enjoy or even something that you've both always wanted to do together and revive or do it - things will need to change longterm but a kickstart might help. At the end of the day though, it is now her choice - you need to prepare yourself for the worst.

 

Best wishes

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