LilBear Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 On the night after we broke up, he mentioned getting me a birthday present (my birthday is in two weeks) Futhermore, the morning after he broke up with me, he texted to ask me out to a movie for the following day. After a few hours, a replied with a 'no'. He immediately replied with an "ok, nevermind"...i never replied. In the middle of that night, he texted again to see if I was around. The next morning I texted him back with a "what's up" and again his reply was immediate: "nothing much" and I never responded either. Should I go on NC? Should I reply to his texts? I don't think he will call, what if he does? What if he wants to see me on my birthday, even if it's just to pass me a present? Link to comment
holden Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 He dumped you > so I suggest go NC... He asked you out to the movies the day after he dumped you??? thats just whacked? LEt him know what life is like without you in it, its his loss...fukum Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 Maybe he's regretting his breakup. NC is not the solution for everything although people here seem to think NC is the perfect solution to all breakup woes. Do what YOU think is the correct thing to do. Link to comment
ftheunion Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 That kinda communication isn't much different from NC. Nothing being exchanged really. No offense. Its not doing a whole lot based on what you put there. Link to comment
LilBear Posted November 27, 2007 Author Share Posted November 27, 2007 Well, I've been doing some reading on NC here, it does have it's benefits I guess. Maybe he is regretting the break up but he isn't showing it. Perhaps he's just feeling lonely and that I'm his security blanket? Other opinions are that I shoud just treat him as I would a friend. But I feel that will only empower him more. Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 You summed it up well. All good reasons to simply ignore the guy. Regardless of which one is the correct one. I agree. My ex told me on the phone last week that she got me a birthday present (my birthday is on 11/30). She broke up with me so she wouldn't feel guilty about hanging out/seeing a guy she had a crush on earlier in the year to see if the "feelings" she has for him can be something more. Yet, she remembers to get the guy whose heart she just broke a gift... I'd tell her what she could do with the gift, but NC will be a more civilized method. -Mike- Link to comment
LilBear Posted November 27, 2007 Author Share Posted November 27, 2007 Lol..mine is on 12/11 Are you somewhat suggesting I should NC even if he comes up to my doorstep? Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 If an ex of mine's came to my doorstep, I wouldn't do NC. I'd be jumping for joy (in my mind of course). Link to comment
LilBear Posted November 27, 2007 Author Share Posted November 27, 2007 There's a 50% chance he might just come right up to my house on my birthday with a present...what if he does? I really don't want to give myself hopes that he's hoping for a reconciliation.. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 There's a 50% chance he might just come right up to my house on my birthday with a present...what if he does? I really don't want to give myself hopes that he's hoping for a reconciliation.. I'd be open to hearing what he has to say. Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 Are you somewhat suggesting I should NC even if he comes up to my doorstep? I would hear him out... But in my case, I know my ex wouldn't make that effort... She never made the effort... -Mike- Link to comment
LilBear Posted November 27, 2007 Author Share Posted November 27, 2007 Omg ! She sounds just like a female version of my ex. Well if he does have something to say if he turns up in person, of course I'll give it a listen. But based on how well I know him (we've been together 3 years), he'll just chuck me the present and bolt. Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 Omg ! She sounds just like a female version of my ex. Let's just say that we (due to me in grad school/her in medical school) had to live an hour plane ride apart in different cities for the past 1 year. She visited me a whopping 2 times, and once was only because she had to take an exam in a city an hour away from me (I drove her to it). I flew down to visit her every ~2-3 weeks. Granted she was in medical school and on rotations, but she did have several free weekends where we hung out because I flew down there... -Mike- Link to comment
LilBear Posted November 27, 2007 Author Share Posted November 27, 2007 She took you for granted...which is what I'm feeling myself He wanted my to lose a bit of weight - so I ate veggies and fruits for days and days and exercised. He wanted me to be better groomed, a bit more classy and sophisticated - so I wore high heels around instead of sneakers or flats...only for him to say, "aren't you uncomfortable walking in those?" We don't live together but every time he came over, I cooked for him and all...literally a doormat. And in the end he texted me "I know you try very hard but somehow I don't love you. Maybe I do, I don't realize it. Maybe I don't know what I have until it's gone. I dunno". No more of that ! Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 She took you for granted...which is what I'm feeling myself Yes, but I admit that I took her for granted towards the end of our relationship as well. But, I read this article and it seems to parallel my relationship with my ex almost exactly; link removed No more of that ! Good for you! -Mike- Link to comment
Ampire Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 Yes, but I admit that I took her for granted towards the end of our relationship as well. But, I read this article and it seems to parallel my relationship with my ex almost exactly; link removed No more of that ! Good for you! -Mike- thats a load of crap dude.....i can tell you right now you didnt take her for granted - if u went to visit her that often and she visited you 2 times.....she took you for granted, don't feel bad about urself cuz ur ex cant get her &&&& togetther.... Link to comment
LilBear Posted November 27, 2007 Author Share Posted November 27, 2007 A totally empowering article ! Thanks ! Link to comment
Ampire Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 Yes, but I admit that I took her for granted towards the end of our relationship as well. But, I read this article and it seems to parallel my relationship with my ex almost exactly; link removed No more of that ! dude, reading that article.....its exact, from her messed up parents to her abusive ex.......to everything else..... thats crazy......one thing they didnt add in there is they will never change and things will always end up the same until they do spend that time with themselves and learn the truth about themselves...... amazing article, thanks! almost makes me want to send it to my ex Link to comment
LilBear Posted November 27, 2007 Author Share Posted November 27, 2007 When they learn to avoid problems and start talking them over and try to solve themselves... I feel that was wat my ex did - he didn't want to solve problems, so they've all built up very well.. Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 thats a load of crap dude.....i can tell you right now you didnt take her for granted - if u went to visit her that often and she visited you 2 times.....she took you for granted, don't feel bad about urself cuz ur ex cant get her &&&& togetther.... haha Thanks for that. almost makes me want to send it to my ex I thought the exact same thing! My ex's mom verbally/emotionally abused her saying she was never good enough, and as a result she has low self-esteem. Maybe for Christmas I'll send her a big box with just that printed article inside of it. -Mike- Link to comment
LilBear Posted November 27, 2007 Author Share Posted November 27, 2007 Surely you don't need such a BIG box for that article? My ex's mom only met me for an hour and decided she hates me *lol* *update* ex called 3 times - sorry dude, I was taking a shower Link to comment
possible Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 I think youre in a hard situation, and probably painful too. There is no right solution to this, the problem is that you know what you want, but about him we dont know. He might have bad conscious about having left you, or second thoughts. We simply dont know. I think communication is the key here, and that you need to seek in your self for what you would like to communicate. Are you willing to take him back, under what circumstances? If he doesnt want to get back with you, would you still keep him as i friend? Maybe you need a few days to think about it, and talk to him. Ask him what hes contacting you means instead of trying to figure it out. Than be prepared for what ever can happen. Thats what I would do. Link to comment
Ampire Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 haha Thanks for that. I thought the exact same thing! My ex's mom verbally/emotionally abused her saying she was never good enough, and as a result she has low self-esteem. Maybe for Christmas I'll send her a big box with just that printed article inside of it. -Mike- mine ex's dad was verbally abusive, her parents got divorced, he grandmother used to tell her things like take off that dress its to pretty for you, her babys father was physically abusive, her nickname is highschool was tank but shes not fat at alllll.....and her mom has been really wealthy for the past 10 years and spoils her to death........she was beautilful on the outside and i loved her unconditionally but i look back now (just over 1 month out) and even thought im still really depressed and i miss her like crazy I am ok that im out because she has some serious issues....and she smokes pot all the time so that takes away an chance for her to get intouch with her problems of the past.....i dodged a bullet... man there are so many things I will know to look for the next relationship i get into, damn id love to send that website to my ex, lol Link to comment
LilBear Posted November 27, 2007 Author Share Posted November 27, 2007 Maybe I will ask him what his deal is, but perhaps now is not the time. I'm a little confused as to how I should deal with him when he tries to contact me. He broke up with me, and I don't want to be a rock for him to lean on throughout this break up - hey, I mean, he broke up with me! I shall be assuming NC for now - unless he sincerely shows he wants to get back together and will try to solve whatever problems we were having. Unless that's what he wants, I will not be entertaining him. Link to comment
LilBear Posted November 27, 2007 Author Share Posted November 27, 2007 Hmm...it seems that he was trying to call me about a part time job. I didn't answer his calls but he sent a text. What now? Link to comment
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