2 year ldr about to end- help

[declichey]

I seriously need some input- and fast. I am at a grave crux in my life. My boxes are piled high packed with my life- i have sold, thrown away, donated or packed everything. My bed and computer are all i have left operative in the apt- i was to leave in 2 weeks -now it may be over. My situation is very complex. As is everyones'. It is hard to make it brief.

I lived with my boyfriend for 3 yrs. i was abused young and our sex life suffered badly- he couldn't understand- couldn't teach me or help me only waited...it was up and down - roller coaster -passionate for all the years to say the least. i work in a seasonal industry- he works in an international contractual industry.....? work went down for him. nothing in our city that was worthy of his skills. couldn't handle the rent and everything on my own after a while. so rather than take something lowly for the time being - he took a job 6000km away. wasn't going great for us anyway. time apart might be good.

we disputed whether or not to let it go- all the problems came out on our long distance phone calls.

then he wanted me to come. my seasonal work had hit its season off- but i had a lifetime of house to deal with. packed and stored everything. it was hell alone like that. i made it there in the end.

time i spent there- he didn't even appreciate i'd come, wanted me to always be grateful-. said he had saved me from destruction- never even acknowledged the fact i packed up(said always i messed it up that he would've been more efficient) and blew my life off season or not to go to this place he was at. to see if it worked.

so i left.

got an amazing opportunity in the old city. i took it.

lived in a backpack for a year.

just didn't know what to expect.

got an apt- brought some stuff from storage but never unpacked.

backtrack- after i left- things got worse. i called him one day from work in the middle of a rush when i realized i'd had enough. told him i loved him and would do anything to make it work- he said he didn't believe anything could make it work. i said nothing will if you believe it can't.

he said he believed it can't. are those your final words? i asked. yes he said. so i said bye ciao i leave you now. didn't speak again.

month later i met my rebound.

perfectly timed i was also his rebound... 7 years with the same woman. we rebounded.

he was as a child as abused as i.

we spoke nonstop for months- white nights -never having been able to before speak at all.

all of our garbage poured out.

this was a huge source of our problems with others- and we just grilled each other for information.

we came to see so much in ourselves. the things we said the secrets we told i don't think we ever will again.

we left each other after a few months- but acknowledging what we are. that though we want no life together we cannot turn our backs. who will speak to us again about these things...?

i went to see my bf- 6000km away again.

he quit his job and came here for 3 weeks.

before he left 8000km away and internationally- this time impossible for me to even work there.

i told him while he was here. what had happened.

it has been 8 months

i visited him for 10 days sold everything to go- and he loved me not cuz he knew

he has been reading my emails (but understand he only sees a half - and this is why YOU SHOULD NEVER READ ANYONE ELSE"S EMAILS!!!!!)and only fessed up yesterday.

i slept with the rebound once in the beginning

i told him 3 days ago

everything has taught me how much i really love him. how dearly how closely. i would never let him down. i wept the day i wasn't there- his best friend died - the only day he needed me- i couldn't forgive myself. but i am 6000miles away no way of knowing... then my mind was made. i am going there.

but the last 2 months have been about me moving there. my stuff is packed and done. he was just trying to forget it - my life- cuz he had come accross it illegally

but his bitterness was there. so i had to ask him.

he says he needs time to think, i will respect that.

i love him. for the first time i have something to offer. i am not so paralyzed.

we have been apart for nearly 2 years...

what i have seen doesn't mean he sees it though.

i have hurt him enormously in this. i love him. so much i cannot quite swallow it. please help me either to let this go for the better, for him - or to show him i love him- help me tell him.

[beh700]

your post was a little hard to follow. you must be thinking so much! but he left you. you moved on. i don't understand how that could've hurt him as much as he says it did. you are doing all of the crucial things in the relationship it seems, moving, and visiting, etc. has he done anything for you? why could you let him leave you with such a horrible reason, and trust that he won't do it again?

 

hope i understood your problem.

[declichey]

i know it gets hard to follow - i apologize- its hard to step outside oneself sometimes.....thank you for your response. i appreciate it

[beh700]

hi! i know you were going through a hard time when you originally posted, and I wanted to make sure all is well.

 

happy new year!