Feels like 100 steps back

[Aday5578]

To start this off today was a rough day, cant figure out why. I dont know, just one of those days.

My ex and I used to talk on yahoo ALL the time when he was deployed in Iraq, but since he came home Sept. 2006, I never log in. NEVER...Well this evening i wanted to IM somebody to tell them thanks for something I read on here. It took me about 30 minutes to remember my password. Well I log in send my message and there it is....his screen name..and it is lit like he is logged in. My heart stopped, it started racing and i let out a gasp and hurried up and right clicked to delete. I have gotten rid of everything and anything that reminds me of him. Every letter, every card, I gave away the emeral necklace he gave me for Christmas, I gave it to my niece, she always liked it. ANYthing and everything...that is MY way of moving on. If i run into something that reminds me of him I pitch it. Last week when cleaning out my car I found one of his "Army national Guard" keychains, threw it right out the window at the carwash, it isnt even worthy of a garbage can. BUT I will admit I went into the bathroom and let out a good cry, my heart is still racing and the 10 minute high I was on is gone....all my feelings came rushing back to me in an instant. It is like he walked out yesterday, I want so bad to just text him, email him, call him....but i have done all that, and gotten nothing in return. He doesnt want me and evidently doesnt feel the same as i do...it just feels all new again..I know all i need to do is go to sleep and tomorrow i will wake up and be better again......I feel like I havent moved on..when just a few days ago I was on cloud 9 realizing so many things....I just need to lie down..thats all

[shell80]

I just PM'd you.....

 

YOU WILL BE FINE MY DEAR!!! Believe that. I know it is really really hard right now....but there are 100s of people on this forum who feel exactly the same way as you do (me included) - so know that you have lots of support and people who love you to help.

 

Some days just suck...no particular reason, they just do. You have not taken 100 steps back at all.....but are just in the process of climbing back up that big hill and sometimes you need to stop and have a breather and to feel the pain again. But you will get there.....

 

You made me laugh when you said how you threw the key chain out the window...you will look back on that moment and laugh too one day soon. I still laugh how I threw an ex's slippers very dramatically towards the fire!

 

You are doing well.....especially letting it all out and venting when you need to...that shows progress and knowing that you are feeling sh itty but that you are getting thru it.

 

Get some rest - try and take some deep breaths, and remember that tomorrow is a new day. Today was bad - but tomorrow will be better.

 

Big hug xx

[Aday5578]

Thanks Shell....it felt good to get it out and pm you also. i needed some one on one...LOL Like I have said before it is comforting to know there are other people here who feel the same way. It makes me feel normal to an extent. Yes the keychain is somewhere in the Soapy Suds Carwash parking lot and his overnight bag, well if you go shopping at goodwill i think you can buy it for $1......did the slippers go in the fire? It would of been like ringtoss for me, I would of made it a game...LOL Thanks again.. Goodnight

[need2bme]

Hey. I think things like that are going to happen. At least you did not message him with a, What is up, "a&&40le?"

 

I saw my ex the same night, accidentily in a store, that she broke up with me. Man, that was so hard. I know how you feel.

 

Hang in there girlie. Oh yeah, and forget him....know what I mean. I was thinking today, that I would not have given up the good parts for anything in this world. I cannot wait to love like that again.