"Honeymoon Phase"

[breath.o.fresh.air]

I noticed there were alot of posts about the "honeymoon phase" and was just curious. I've been with my bf for about 2 years, and never really noticed a "honeymoon period"...is this a good thing or a bad thing?

 

I've never experienced it before at all, though this is my first serious relationship.

Just Curious.

[love4life]

Hey breath o fresh air,

There was one BF with whom I never felt that feeling, either. Ironically, that was my longest relationship and he loved me more than any of the others.

 

Maybe you've never really fallen in love before...for me, anyway, having those butterflies in the beginning is crucial to wanting to make the relationship last.

[Jayar]

Well, was it a lack of excitement in the beginning... Or was it because the whole relationship is so great it seems like one big honeymoon phase?

 

And of course L4L's points are extremely valid... there's something to be said for a nice even keel. While the excitement and rush can be intoxicating, the even stability of a sane, rational love can be comforting. Sometimes the rush can be overwhelming, and can even be a detriment to the relationship if it gets out of hand. Kind of ups the risk of "burn out" if that makes any sense.

[jettison]

Describing the honeymoon phase is pretty easy I think. Imagine that you just had an amazing gelato for the first time, and you had never so much as tasted plain old ice-cream before.

 

You just spent a week in Kauai, but you lived in the midwest, and had never visited the ocean.

 

You've had a dead-end job for the last 5 years, and you just landed your dream job. Each day, you wake up with a smile on your face and can't wait to go to work.

 

All of these scenarios would create an eye-opening, romantic passion in you. However, if you eat that amazing gelato every day for the next 3 months, spend each weekend laying in the sand and playing in the surf in Princeville, and start getting so acclimated to your new, fantastic job that it's like you've already been there forever, and you're starting to realize just how much work it entails, then the "honeymoon phase" will start to end.

 

You'll still love the gelato, the beach, and the job, but the original passion you felt, the giddiness, the eyes wide open, the unbelieveable anticipation... will diminish. In time, you are hopefully still left with love.

[breath.o.fresh.air]

Well, I had some butterflies, but it doesn't seem to fit quite with what's described as the "honeymoon period"...could be because we chatted quite a bit before we started dating...just thought I'd see what people's thoughts were... so, thnx for the input!

[breath.o.fresh.air]

Ok...Jayar, you may have nailed it when you said a lack of excitement at the beginning/whole relatoinship great - basically, we didnt go through a phase where he surprised me all the time with flowers etc...but we do fun stuff randomly and sporadically....and he makes me smile....haha...ALL the time...so it could be a combo of both?

 

I had the butterflies, but we were in a small town, so not much to do for excitement....lots of movies and dinners...with occasional surprises....but we keep doing that - coming up with new ideas to do something fun and different...we recently decided to take latin dance lessons...just as an example...and we almost never argue, and have long discussions about w.e. hahaha...

[Jayar]

I think it sounds like you are completely, simply, and perfectly in love. Enjoy!

[love4life]

Sounds like the perfect relationship to me!

[Zackinlaw]

i'll add a vote for "perfect relationship" too. The end of the honeymoon stage simply marks the end of infatuation. Mother Nature's jump start, so to speak, to keep you together long enough to see if you are right for each other. If you truly are, you never notice the transition.

 

Zack.

[yeawutever]

It's natural for some people to feel it while others don't. Some take longer than others and some might never get to feel it.

[Gath]

I noticed there were alot of posts about the "honeymoon phase" and was just curious. I've been with my bf for about 2 years, and never really noticed a "honeymoon period"...is this a good thing or a bad thing?

 

I've never experienced it before at all, though this is my first serious relationship.

Just Curious.

 

the honeymoon phase is like when you get your first car. its beautiful, runs like a dream, leaves a trail of burning rubber on the highway and would never, ever, let you down.

 

honeymoon is over when when you discover that the ignition doesn't work when its cold, it sometimes makes a whiny noise when you stress it out, and that there's plenty of other cars that leave you in their dust.

 

and true love is when you see the other cars passing you, listen to that whine, and have to push start on a cold winter morning, and still don't even think about trading her in.

[amtjrtcet]

My b/f and I were in the honeymoon phase for the first yr of our relationship, then things got a little rocky, we had some issues. But every time we made up it went right back to the 'honeymoon' phase.

 

With my ex there was NEVER a honeymoon phase. Not once in 6 yrs.

[vasilias]

I dont think i ever felt a honeymoon phase with my ex. Although I dont think i ever went into blind love with them either. I knew early on that i liked them alot and didnt want to have some passionate but short lived romance so i put the breaks on and took it slowly. Genuine love grow slowly and steadily as i grew to know them. The first few weeks were very exciting but i wasnt love sick... my feelings for them only ever grew in intencity over a long period and i never went through a phase where something ended and i then became aware of the real person which something else developed from (or in some cases died). My ex was different and was wanting to move in together within three months and was totally love sick puppy for years. What tipped the balance was when they came out of a very long honeymoon period and mistook strong love for bordom.

[Seymore]

I kinda felt that at first, but it didn’t beat me over the head or anything. I was just nervous as hell whenever I’d go to see her. Nervous or excited. For about a month I didn’t eat much when we went out because I had that feeling in my stomach. Not long after our first fight though, that feeling began to fall back a bit. The relationship feels normal now to me. No “I love you”s 100 times a day, no 2 hour phone calls every night etc. It just feels like I’m with a very close friend whom I love dearly and romantically and don’t ever want to part with, even for the night. And at times I look at her and feel that “honeymoon” feeling again, but it isn’t constantly there. I like it that way - it kinda hits you, wakes you up when you least expect it. If that makes any sense.

[PixelPusher]

I think you're in a great relationship. I personally believe that folks who demand the "fire and sparks" the entire relationship are deluding themselves. That initial fire might be amazing, but TRUE love goes beyond that. From what it sounds, you have moved (or were there to begin with) into a truly loving relationship.

 

I pity those who constantly seek "the fire" and throw away good people simply because they think the relationship (or person) changed or became boring... when they simply failed to see their relationship was evolving to something much more special.

[havefaith]

I just wanted to throw out the possibility that you are still IN the honeymoon phase. I believe my boyfriend and I may have been in it for the first 2 years of our relationship. It was right after 2 years where things got hard and we started wondering "is this it", etc.

 

I've found a lot of my friends feel 2 years is a turning point, or at least an important time. JMO.

[xmrth]

I haven't experienced a honeymoon phase, either. I am in an 8 year relationship and we've always been the exact same. I suppose it's the feeling you get within the first 2 weeks, honestly. When everything's new. I don't think it's any further than that. I honestly think it's a term that is confused with the idea that you should really understand that you don't fully know a person within a year's time, for example. I think that term does not relate to the concept that's usually at hand, know what I mean?

[Nixee]

I personally believe that folks who demand the "fire and sparks" the entire relationship are deluding themselves. That initial fire might be amazing, but TRUE love goes beyond that. From what it sounds, you have moved (or were there to begin with) into a truly loving relationship.

 

I pity those who constantly seek "the fire" and throw away good people simply because they think the relationship (or person) changed or became boring... when they simply failed to see their relationship was evolving to something much more special.

 

This thought intrigued me.

 

I am going through a breakup right now because of this, and I am desperately trying to figure it out...

 

Pixel, what you say makes perfect sense to me, but I guess what I am left to wonder about is what about the beginning?? What about those couples who have no honeymoon phase but somehow manage to fall right into the special and close phase where they just feel like partners and best friends?

 

My boyfriend and I... I just never felt that fire... that spark. I never felt "over the moon". Instead, I raved to my friends about how sweet he was, what a great guy... what a great partner... how he took great care of me... and we just became closer and closer in that way.

 

And now... this weekend I felt I had to end things because I didn't feel like I loved him enough. I realized I felt more like he was my best friend. It made me fear that if I stayed with him forever and married him, that someday I would be tempted by someone else to leave him or worse.

 

So it has to leave me wondering... have I made a mistake and pushed away something truly special? Or have I done the right thing and ended something that really did have a critical piece missing?

[brooooooooke]

hahaahah amazing. it made me hungry.

[PixelPusher]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish I had an answer for you but I think you really know down deep inside. There should be SOME sort of fire, certainly. If you simply don't love him then there isn't much that can be done, no matter how great the guy is. That being said, why would you want to break up with your best friend? Isn't that what we all want in a marriage/romantic relationship... is have a best friend?

 

I think my original point was that there needs to be SOME sort of flame there, even if it's small. The sad relationships are those that are thrown away because one of the partners doesn't feel fireworks EVERY time they see their partner for years and years. We all must understand that eventually that flaming hot fire (honeymoon phase) will die down... and if you're left with a deep respect and love for the person, they're a keeper. If there is NOTHING there... then there isn't much you can do.