He says he isn't in love with me anymore.

[AristaRose]

My husband and I have been a couple for over 7 years now. Married for a little over 2 years. We've had our ups and downs, just like any other couple.

 

A couple of months ago, he told me that he is no longer in love with me. That hurt me so much to hear him say that. I moved out of our house for 2 months, because he said he needed some space to figure himself out. I moved back in, because I was depressed being away from the house, him, our cats etc. He chose to stay. So, we've both been staying there, sleeping in separate rooms. I've been keeping up with all of the house work and I cook most of our meals. . . as I feel I should. I know that he appreciates it, yet the love has still faded on his part. I've talked to a lot of people and they have recomended counceling. I've heard that love does come and go and can easily be rekindled, but that it takes time and effort. I'd just like to get some outside opinions on this subject. . . any ideas, opinions, advice?

[yeawutever]

Sorry to hear that, it does suck big time. I would say couple counseling and if it still doesn't work, separate from him for a while and let him figure out what he wants.

Then comes the final option that's hurtful, divorce.

[Jayar]

Love can be rekindled, but it has never in the history of man/woman relationships ever been rekindled by the woman hanging around like a forlorn lost puppy dog, waiting on him hand and foot, doing the cooking/cleaning/laundry and just hoping to wake up one day and have him realize he does in fact appreciate her.

 

If you want him to want you, and he is ABLE to want you (because it does depend largely on him too) then what you have to do is collect up your dignity, get your own place, do not talk to him and have the last thing you say to him be "I am moving on with my life. When you figure out what you want, let me know and maybe I will be here."

 

If you can't do that, do not expect him to magically fall back in love with you again because of your availability and great cooking/cleaning skills.

 

Oh, and if it will keep you out of his house, take the cats with you.

 

Edited to Add: No vote for councelling here. This is a pretty simple situation by the sounds of it. He's taking you for granted, which is being exacerbated by the fact that he told you he didn't love you and you STILL hang around (notice you said you moved out but went back because YOU were sad, YOU were lonely, and YOU were insecure) and he stayed. But he didn't want you to come back. And yet there you are. That is EXTREMELY unattractive to someone who's looking at you already the way he is.

 

Men do not fall in love with you because they appreciate you. They appreciate you because they love you... But they LOVE you because they respect you.

[Hope75]

Hi Arista,

 

Has your husband talked about marriage counseling? Is he interested in giving it a try?

 

Have you tried suggesting things like a date night, doing something together that is fun and that you both enjoy?

 

You definitely can't force feelings of love, but if there is an underlying problem that is making him feel this way, perhaps some counseling might bring it out.

[melrich]

Yes, marriage counselling may be worth a try but both parties have to be committed to it. Would he consider it?

 

Otherwise, I have to agree with Jayar. As hard as it is, I don't think you are doing your cause any good by just "hanging around".

 

maybe it is time for HIM to leave the house for a while.

[Scoobie]

Is there any chance he is cheating?

 

Not in love + need some space = warning signs.

[AristaRose]

No that's not a possibility. He spends most of his time at home.

 

He does not want to go to counceling. I did find this seminar/class online that I found through my church. I had them send me a brochure with all the info. I showed it to him and asked him to read it and he said he would. . . maybe that's a good sign?

[beauty21]

I agree with Jayar

 

Counseling will not work, if he doesn't want it.