Difficult situation for everybody

[daredevil]

Hi enotalone!

 

I got a problem. I've been talking to this girl for like 2 months now and since the beginning she has been very fond of me, which means that I've started to like her as well. She even tol me today that she is falling for me. The problem is simple:

 

She has a boyfriend, and I don't want to get between them, which she tells me i'm not. And today she even broke up with him, but she doesn't know if she wants him back, and the reason for breaking up with him is lack of trust because the boyfriend gets calls at night from a girl friend from his class which he sees every day and even sits right next to. He claimed towards her that he didn't talk a lot to this girl but ended up admitting he did. She and i talked the whole night after this and she wants to meet me, we have only spoken online, and I'm pretty much into the whole dating business so I know how it works.

 

She keeps flirting and saying she is falling for me but everytime we talk about meeting she ends up saying no for some weird reason. The reason is she is afraid of meeting new people she says, but at the same time she is using my trust and me being there for her and making her feel happy when down. I would easily say the answer to this would be to stay out of their problems which I've been doing all the time, but why is she sending me these signals if she doesn't want to meet some day?

 

I offered to meet her in the city but she asked if I could meet her at night at my place instead which is not possible due to my work at night. So what is she thinking right now besides feeling down after the break up and after telling me she is falling for me?

 

Don't need advice on how bad i've been doing or on my moral - i just need to know. Should i give her space or just be my self?

[Snoopy24]

I wouldn't get involved with her. She has too much baggage. Trust me on this one. I'm still getting over issues with my bf's ex..and they broke up a month before we started dating. He ended up cheating on me with her and it was a big mess. Find someone who is single and who HAS been single, and is completely over their ex.

[winchester3]

If you like her then go for it, she looks more then willing. But i wouldn't put fourth too much commitment if i were you. She could still go either way.

[Dating Coach]

C'mon bro, you know the answer here. I faced a sort of similar situation when I first started talking to my fiancee (my avatar). I went out on one date and then found out when I tried to kiss her that she has a boyfriend and that they are at the end of their relationship. Did I hang around? Did I try to play Mr. Nice Guy? Hell no. That was an insult to me. She let me take her out on a date and she didn't tell me that she was still seeing someone? Even if it was at the very end of their relationship, it was still wrong. So I IMMEDIATELY ended the date, took her home, and told her I don't see girls whom have boyfriends. I did feel like I was a little harsh so I told her that if she is single I wouldn't mind taking her out again but ONLY IF she was single. So I dropped her off and never called her again. Sure enough 10 days later she is single and called me for a date.

 

The moral is..., this is a bullcrap position for you to be in. You need to flat out tell this girl that you will have nothing to do with her when she has this other guy around. If she wants to see you, then she needs to make it CLEAR to this guy that it's over 100% and that she is now dating somebody else. That means no contact with him, nothing. IF you find out she is, then you're ending it and moving on. That's it.

 

You have to set your boundries and the rules of dating you. Right now it looks like this girl can date the other guy and still mess with your head. Don't let her make up her mind what she wants to do. That's hugely disrespectful to yourself. Bro, YOU make up her mind FOR HER. "I would like to take you out but I will have nothing to do with a girl who's got a boyfriend or an exboyfriend around all of the time. If you want to see me then he has to go, completely." And that's that.

 

It's your only option dude, otherwise you're just a sucker.