Attraction vs personality

[Jennabella]

Hey guys, so I've just started seeing this guy. We get along REALLY well, I've never talked to a guy so much or felt so comfortable with someone. Now, I find myself blowing hot and cold in the looks department. He's not unattractive, just not usually my type. When I first saw him, I didn't think, wow who's that?! He was just a nice guy and he ended up asking me out. More on the average side. It's the only thing that's holding me back a bit, I think. Everything else seems to be great. I know personality counts for a heck of a lot and I don't want to be shallow be rejecting him. I think I'm equally as confused because in the past I've only lusted over men because I've been very attracted to men who weren't so great as people. Now I've met a nice guy and I don't know how to feel because it wasn't attraction that started things off.

I need some advice for my inexperienced self.

Thanks

[cristalgold]

I'd say give it time and try not to overthink this. Don't fight the feeling if it happens. If you begin to really like him then he will become attractive. Cool things is that you'll have the lust AND the deeper connection. You won't see the average guy you saw when you two first met. You'll see your Hot Daddy! LOL.

[WaterIsLife]

Given how well you seem to connect with him I really think he'll grow on you. As time goes on you fill find all sorts of things about him to be physically attractive because they are a part of him!

[shikashika]

I'd say, don't waste his time, and your time, trying to decide if he is the guy for you and you just aren't attracted to him now, after already seeing how good you two mesh...then whats the point?

 

Don't try and make yourself like him. You need attraction in a relationship and if it isn't there, it isn't there.

 

I would hate to think i was 'growing on someone' or that i was on probation with them or something.

[ves]

Attraction did start the relationship - attraction in your brain, not your pants.

 

I've met people who did not seem physically attractive to me initially, and then I get to know them better and their great personality starts making them look more attractive. Give it time, but don't prolong a relationship you're not feeling.

[Jennabella]

Attraction did start the relationship - attraction in your brain, not your pants.

.

 

ahaha, that is the quote of the day! Thanks for making me laugh. And good solid advice too.

[GreenSpectre]

I have heard about this happening and it has happened to me as well. You have two choices and those are: 1. You can keep going and see if attraction will build over a period of time 2. If you are not attracted to him anymore then end it because it will end hurting both of you if you do not. Personally, I would see how things go for a bit but only because he has all those qualities you like. Again, those qualities will stay there for a long, long time but his pectorals will not.

[Zackinlaw]

If you have dated him 3-4 times and there just is NO spark, then there probably never will be a statisfying romantic/physical relationship for you with him no matter how much better he compares to the guys you are attracted to. It's not superficial, it's mother nature, and she is indifferent to your rational choices sometimes. Sad but true.

 

Zack.

[Chriz]

I was seeing this girl who sort of came onto me a while ago. I found her reasonably attractive, but initially I was like, is she attractive enough? There were a few other things about her that made me unsure, but as time went on I really grew to like her and found her attractive for who she was. She however, had a few too many personal issues and sadly it ended, but I'm a firm believer in the fact that if you are mentally attracted to someone, then you grow to find them very attractive.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I've met people who did not seem physically attractive to me initially, and then I get to know them better and their great personality starts making them look more attractive. Give it time, but don't prolong a relationship you're not feeling.

I think after a few more dates, you'll know. If your feelings begin to rise and the attraction starts to seep in, it ha a chance. If it's at a standstill and you're still here wondering time to move on.

 

And please don't worry about being shallow just because you went for hot guys in the past and now you find a great guy minus that attraction. I don't believe in 'shallow' anymore. You either go for what you like or you settle for what you think is right. The latter is doomed for failure. Make sure you get ALL of what you want, then go for it. Good luck.

[Jennabella]

Thanks Kyoshiro, it's a constant battle with my mind. He's so thoughtful and attentive too. And I know I don't completely dislike him, if I didn't like him, I would not have gone on a second date and or agreed to a third. Because I've gone out with men in the past where it just feels really wrong and I've broken things off right away. I've never felt so on the fence before. Ironically his values seem to lie in not settling for anything in life. I won't settle but I will give him a chance.

[ghost69]

this will never work. if you think this already, get ready for a breakup. i used to think this way. like someone else mentioned, a great personality doesn't get me UP.

[Jennabella]

double post

[Pegasus]

I agree with shikashika nad ghost. I've been in such relationship and it becomes torture after a while. If it's not there, it's not there.

[CaptainPlanet]

Thanks Kyoshiro, it's a constant battle with my mind. He's so thoughtful and attentive too. And I know I don't completely dislike him, if I didn't like him, I would not have gone on a second date and or agreed to a third. Because I've gone out with men in the past where it just feels really wrong and I've broken things off right away. I've never felt so on the fence before. Ironically his values seem to lie in not settling for anything in life. I won't settle but I will give him a chance.

 

Good idea give him a chance.