What's the deal with marriage before kids?

[Atticus90]

I've been hearing a lot of getting married before having the kid is the best thing to do and that it'll protect you.

 

Why do they say that?

what are they implying?

[melrich]

I've been hearing a lot of getting married before having the kid is the best thing to do and that it'll protect you.

 

I'm not sure how it would protect you. Unless maybe some local legislations grant more rights to the married mother and father than they do to the unmarried mother and father.

 

Probably depends on the geography.

[Firehawk13]

I think they mean it will protect you more in a sense of you're more sure that a person is someone who is going to be there for you and your child if you're married to them (a huge commitment, more than just simple words) than you are of someone who you're not married too.

 

Just that simple

[Samedy]

I have actually never heard that...

 

Doesn't make a whole heck of a lot of sense..

 

Who are you hearing this from?

[Dako]

I also wonder about that.

Marriage seems to be a weaker bond than parenthood, but I've never had kids. Maybe it's just the idea that marriage is a solid foundation for parenthood.

 

I'm divorced, so that's my 2 pfennigs.

[JadedStar]

Atticus i have no idea what they are implying when they say it will protect you, with you being the father.

 

Why don't you ask those who say it what they mean?

[Atticus90]

I thought it was some sort of religious thing like "no sex before marriage".

[avman]

The reason they say it will protect you is this:

 

In most US states, the father of a baby who is not married to the mother starts out with absolutely no parental rights. Now if the father and mother are cordial and both sign a document at the birth recognizing him as the father, then everything is fine.

 

However if the mother and father are not civil and the mother decides the father should not get to see the baby or have anything to do with it then she can do exactly that. The father then must fight a paternity battle to even get simple visitation with the child. The mother on the other hand can hit the father for child support and he would have to pay it - even though he had not yet established any sort of visitation.

 

A married father however is automatically granted parental rights (and that is assumed even if he's not actually the biological father of the child).

[melrich]

In most US states, the father of a baby who is not married to the mother starts out with absolutely no parental rights.

 

How draconian. Surely that's a situation that is screaming out to be addressed.

[avman]

How draconian. Surely that's a situation that is screaming out to be addressed.

 

One would think so but you would be amazed how the deck is stacked against the father in these cases. The lawmakers are much more concerned with pursuing "deadbeat dads".

[melrich]

Yeah, seems to me a parent is a parent regardless of marital status. Oh well, sounds like it is best to get married in some states if you want to guarrantee access to your kids.