Does anyone else think this is messed up?

[kristenjo]

So, I was FWB/casually dating someone for a couple of months. He completely pursued me, showered me with compliments, etc. prior to this and I eventually gave him a chance. We hung out last Saturday and then I went to see this band on Monday and he was there. He had obviously started seeing someone else in the previous day or two (he was flirting with her there), we got into a bit of an argument and I basically told him I didn't care what he did since we weren't exclusive, but I would prefer if he didn't flirt with someone around me. On Friday I ran into him when I was out with some friends & we decided to go to the same party and talk about stuff in a couple of days over coffee. That same girl was there & he completely ignored me once she showed up and then stood me up for coffee.

I admit, I was a little jealous about this situation. But I feel like this showed a clear disrespect for me and it wasn't a cool thing to do. Obviously he's completely uninterested in being friends now, which sucks because we were before and we weren't even really "dating." Has anyone had something like this happen to them before? Did I break some rule of casual FWB relationships? I admit I don't have much experience with them.

[Firehawk13]

Hate to say it, but you missed your window. He's obviously just gunning around for a girlfriend and you missed the bandwagon. It is disrespectful, so you need just let it go. You're not going to be friends, and you're not going to hook up with him. Just initiate NC.

 

As for the jealousy part, you're a woman. It's typical to toy with someone's affections and enjoy the attention, and then when you see it redirected you appreciate it and are jealous, but it's too late

[Superfreak]

FWB seems like one of those things that sound great on paper but in practice they're brutal. They can work but both have to understand the implicit agreement that as soon as the other person finds someone they see as relationship material they're gone.

 

What he did wasn't a particularely nice thing to do especially after you had told him you'd rather not he flirt with someone in front of you. I think in FWB situations each person has a duty to "warn" the other person if they're starting to see someone they may end up dating, but the fact that you are FWB rather then dating means that he wasn't necessarily doing anything wrong, he was just being a bit of a jerk about it.

 

In the future, I hope that if you like a guy you'll push for him to date you exclusively if you like him and don't want to be left when someone else comes along.

[kristenjo]

I did like him and I was starting to feel like I wanted to date him exclusively. However, we both decided in the beginning to take things slow because he was not fully over his ex that he dated for a LONG time. I'm not fully over my ex either, well, basically I'm saying that it's going to take me a while before I give my heart to someone else again. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

[Daligal83]

I don't think he's looking for a girlfriend at all. I think he wants to keep his options open and play the field. I "dated" a guy in grad school who pulled kinda the same thing. He pursued me and acted like he was interested in starting something, then we were all at a bar one night and he sits next to me while flirting with another girl all night. I decided that I was wasting my time and left. I called him the next day to call him out on it. He said he wasn't interesting in really dating anyone and I said that I was so that we should just be friends instead.

 

Bottom line, he doesn't sound like the kind of guy you really want to get involved with. He's being disrespectful and you deserve better than that.

[ghost69]

this is why i always say somebody gets hurt in FWB types of situations. they are almost 99% never good.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

this is why i always say somebody gets hurt in FWB types of situations. they are almost 99% never good.

 

Praise Ghost69

 

 

/stamps co-sign seal on it