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How do you know when you are ready? I mean the hurt will always be there it will just lesson, right? I mean i still hurt a little from my divorce 2 1/2 years ago...and i cant remember how I knew it was time, i guess it was wjen i met my ex-boyfriend it just felt right. Maybe that is all it takes, knowing when you meet somebody who is worth moving on to get to know. I dont want to just go out with somebody to get out. There is this guy I met through work and he is very nice, but I am so afraid. i am so afraid of anything that i gave him my email and said "email me sometime" (he is contracted out to our office to fix major problems with our computer systems...so I havent seen him since he worked on our glitches in the end of October) he emailed me last night and said "How about the number girl!!! We can get so much more accomplished" I freaked out, I just shut down the email, I dont knwo maybe I am not ready. He is a very nice guy and very attractive, and fun to go back and forth with but this opens a while new bag of worms for me. maybe i answered my own question, if i was ready then I wouldnt be second guessing myself.

How did you know you were ready?

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I don't think there are any set signs that "you are ready" per se. I usually go with the rule of thumb of whether it is comfortable to you or not. If I don't feel right about something I won't do it.

Now I think your reaction to the gentleman's query might mean you have cold feet and I think it wouldn't hurt to go out and have some fun. I think a lot of hesitation results from a person assuming that there might be a rapport developed and how they would deal with it (this is probably the lingering results from getting out of a long term relationship where things click easily). I say don't think about it, don't build any idealistic views of where any of this is heading and enjoy some company that the gentleman is offering.

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Hi Aday


In answer to your question, you just know when you are ready. Forcing yourself to do things is not always the best way as may prolong your healing. If you feel comfortable meeting new people and so on then it will feel right at that time. You may have to test the water so to speak and if it doesnt feel right then you will know.. It's a bit like answering the how long is a piece of string question... it just depends!


For me personally about 9 months following initial neediness, lots of NC and now I am ready...!



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I think you have to get to a point where you don't need to be with anyone. I remember after my divorce I was not in a relationship for 5 years. During the first couple of years it was hard. I got to a point where I was completely happy by myself. I could care less whether or not I found someone.


It was at the point that I met the woman that is currently breaking my heart and so the process repeats itself. Will it be another 5 years for me? Who knows. I hope not. I don't think it will.

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I seriously think you will know you're ready when YOU feel comfortable. I was not comfortable at all with the guy I'm dating right now for the first few months we knew each other--I knew deep down I was still majorly hung up on my ex, so I did like you did with that guy's email--freaked out! But the more I got to know the guy and did NC with the ex, the more I thought "hey, this guy is really fun to get to know!" Now I've gotten a great friendship out of it--nothing serious right now, but I know I'm feeling comfortable enough to DATE.


I don't think there should be a set "time" for people to wait to date after they break up with a person. I think it's all based on your own mindset. You are still hurting--there's nothing wrong with that. Embrace it and embrace the fun and joy of getting to know new people in the meantime and just take it day by day. You never know where things will lead. Hope that helps.

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One day you'll wake up and be like wow, i haven't thought of him in awhile...and then you'll know your over it. It just happens.


I am waiting for that day to come too! And that will be the day eh?


Personally, I am not ready to date anybody as part of moving on because I know it will just be a rebound thing. I guess you'll just know when it does happen.

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Hey girl. Do you want to get back out there? I don't. I am so not ready. I have so much to work on for myself and I am really not over her and I am sure I am still dealing with emotions from way back w/the long-term ex too.


Anyway, I think that if the ex came back, I would not know how to act AND if I dated someone else, I would be worried about doing the same things that made the ex run.


Ya know?

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I understand what you are saying, i dont know if i am ready. And my ex left me because he had the problem, it wasnt me. And you have to think that way too, if you think it was you then you wont be able to move on. I let me ex break me down for 2 years, it is up to me to build myself back up. ANd if somebody comes along, hey they do....I met my ex 4 months after my divorce, and i had swore off men when i divorced...even if i could i wouldnt change anything, this is making me a stronger person, a person i want to be. Say it with me "I didnt make them run.....they made themself run"

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Say it with me "I didnt make them run.....they made themself run"


I know. If she would not have run and been true to what she said, or at least come to me with whatever problems she thought there were, then maybe would could have worked at it.


For those that tell me, "well, maybe she figured she didn't want to work at any of it anymore."


Fine, but you just don't tell someone you love them and everything will be fine and 4 days later, bail.


Anyway, I understand what you are saying, BUT, I know that I had a lot to do with the breakup, or at least some things I need to face and to deal with, ESPECIALLY before getting in a new relationship.

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