Stay in contact after breakup?

[pinkranger]

Hey everyone,

 

So my ex broke up with me about three weeks ago, and though I've felt a lot better (even RELIEVED), I still feel pretty bad about it from time to time.

 

Basically we had only been dating for about 5 weeks, but we knew eachother a bit longer. I felt like in the beginning, he came on very strong. At one point, he said, "have you ever felt there was someone you haven't met your whole life, and when you meet them, it's perfect?" or something like that. He was talking about me. I felt like it was a pretty intense statement (given that we had only actually been dating for like a week or two), and I didn't let him know that I (sort of) felt the same.

 

So things seemed like this for a brief period. He told me he told all his friends that I was "the truth" to him.

 

Crazy, huh?

 

At some point, he started calling me less. And I called him more. I felt like he didn't call nearly as much as I had hoped he would, and that I was the one making efforts to keep things functioning between us. It took me out of my comfort zone! I feel like once I started showing signs of wanting to form a more stable relationship (ie TALKING more, etc.), he backed away. He started doing some pretty inconsistent things (making plans and then never calling or following through).

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It ended with him saying things seem weird between us. I asked him if he wanted to make things work (it, talk more...like every day), or end things. He made it sound like because of who he is, and his own problems, that that wouldn't work... (bascially, how I interpret it: he's unable and unwilling to communicate). He sat there for like 10 minutes without saying a word and then said we should end things.

 

So now he's been calling occasionally asking to talk and for me to call him back. I haven't really picked up much nor called him back. Every time we talk it's just kind of small talk. He said I seem happy and I agreed, though I still feel sad from time to time. I don't know if I can talk to him because I don't know if it will make things better or worse, so I just don't do anything! I guess I'm just trying to move on.

 

Any thoughts?

[Mavh25]

Sounds like the honey moon period ended for him and he did'nt like it.

 

If you're finding the small talk thing ok then whats the harm in staying friends with him? although if you still feel in some sense you're trying to get over him then maybe just leave it, ignore his calls. It really depends on how you think you could cope with all of it, how you feel about the whole thing. You owe him nothing so its upto you to decide wether you want to pursure a friendship. Thing is, if he's starting to try to communicate with you now, and he's never been a good communicator it may be that he's trying for you. Who knows?

 

In the end its down to you, don't speak to him if it makes you uncomfortable, if he's someone who you find to be a great person and it would'nt hurt or cause anyone any pain or suffering then maybe a friendship could be a good thing?

[FeignedMischief]

Sounds like a commitment-phobe to me pinkranger. Run as fast as you can, they normally dont change. Save your breath, and dont waste your time. Good thing you got out early and not much emotions have been invested.

 

Dont remain in contact at all. Believe me, you will save yourself a lot of grief.

[Loki71]

I agree with grrr. if your ok with just casual talk then there is nothing wrong with it. If he is hoping to slowly get back with you and you don't want that then again up to you to say no and move on. Maybe things starting going to fast for him and he got scared and now that your not there he knows what he lost.