What to do...please listen...

[Head1stForHalos8]

Hello everyone. I have quite the situation so I would like to start with a back story. Sorry, this is pretty long but I just want you to get the complete scenario. My girlfriend and I have been together for four months now and we are so good together. When I met her she was in a really unhealthy relationship with a guy who mistreated her and always fought with her. When I came into the picture I told her that I could do better and it worked. For the beginning of the relationship we were perfect and she was being my dream girlfriend. I had to go two hours away to college this past fall and I've been coming home every weekend to see her since. I didn't want us to grow apart while I was away and coming home seemed to be the best idea. Needless to say, I grew dependent on her love.

 

For the past month things have been feeling different. She once told me that she really dislikes the winter and the cold weather and I'm starting to believe she's really serious about that. She loves Halloween but her Halloween was a bust. She's always been really tight on money but recently she hasn't even been able to pay her bills. She's always wanted to get out of her hometown because there isn't any opportunity there. Most importantly, her mother is manic-depressive and has entered her most severe manic state. It's been a lot for my girlfriend to handle. When her mom is sick, she makes it worse for everyone else in her life. She was just admitted into a mental hospital about a week ago. My girlfriend has been going over to her mother's homes (her original home and two others that she bought while she was sick) and cleaning them up, settling all her mother's legal matters while she's in the hospital, visiting her an hour away, and still working her full time job that she generally dislikes. On top of all that, she decided to move a couple state's away where her sister lives. Planning the move is making her even more busy. It's obvious that she's stressed out and way too busy.

 

Because of all the things going on, she's become pretty shut off. The news of her moving was hard for me to take, but she insisted that she wanted us to stay together if I was willing. After that I've honestly become more and more insecure, and I'm paying the price. I don't get the same special attention, she doesn't call every night or leave me any nice notes or messages anymore, and anything nice I do she will thank me for and be happy, but not as excited as she was before. She just seems disconnected. We are really good at talking stuff out and I've brought it up several times. The second to last time she told me she's just really going through a rough time and that's the reason for everything. However, like an idiot, I brought it up again after she didn't give me the reaction I was expecting proceeding a candle lit dinner I set up for her. This time ended in a fight and I really regret saying a thing. We really don't fight, but this one ended with her telling me all of the things I don't have to deal with, such as her mother. I just wanted to be honest with her. She seemed mad so I did some nice things for her to let her know I was sorry. When I saw her next she told me to stop when I started apologizing and was acting somewhat odd, but not completely. She still told me she loved me, that is, after I said it first.

 

This was a couple days ago and things have been pretty weird since. She still says she loves me when I say it to her, and will call after she gets out of work, but I still feel this space between us. I love her with all my heart and will do anything to fix this. She's not the type to cheat or be dishonest with me. At twenty years old, I really do believe we are perfect for each other because when we fell for each other we fell hard. After that we were unlike any other couple, until now. What can I do? Am i just making things up in my head? I know she's going through a terrible time right now and I didn't help with my cries for attention, so how can I save this? Do I just need to continue being less happy until she's better? Any advice whatsoever would be very much appreciated and so valuable to me. Sorry this is so long, I just wanted it to be as accurate as possible. Thank you for listening.

[Firehawk13]

Just try to be supportive without being clingy. It sounds like you are insecure (not that it's easy to be comfortable in this situation), and the best thing you can do is to give her the support she wants while giving her space.

 

I think a simple solution would be to just give her space by letting her contact you when she wants to. In this manner you're letting her use you for support when she's feeling stressed, while not invading her life when she's extremely busy.

 

Eventually this whole thing will blow over, and things will go back to normal. Just try not to stress too much over your "fight." She's really stressed out right now and doesn't seem abnormally upset with you. If you obsess over the fight and try to continue apologizing, you'll just make things worse. She knows you're sorry.

 

Again, just give her some room and let her work things out, but be supportive! Things will get better

[Head1stForHalos8]

I figured out what I was doing wrong and told her that I was sorry. Then she broke up with me. It was too late. Thanks anyway for your help.